Bethany..... Part Deux

30 Is The New 20? I'm Not So Sure.... LOL

2007-12-10T12:54:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars. 30. 30. 30. 30. I keep playing that number over and over in my head.
30 and....
Not married.
No kids.
No home of my own.

Ugh.... 30. 30 and single is even worse. Especially when you were in a relationship just prior to turning thirty that you thought was THE relationship. Looking back, it wasn't. I don't want to go off on a DB tangent right now, but I do need to mention what's been going on there - only because he still has the power to make me shake, puke, and stress out. And trust me, I am not giving him the power, it's just how my body reacts. So here's the story (drama) fasten your seatbelts because the reaction I've been getting thus far has not been good. Two Saturdays ago, The Bunny and I went out to see Dank in P-Town. We had a blast and partied it up in P-Town until 2 AM. ****This was, of course after I shopped all day with my Kel-Kel and Maggie Sue AND I got to see little Syd - awwwwwwwe :P **** After Dank wrapped up, we all headed back towards The 'Burg and over to our stomping grounds. We avoided The 'Burg Friday night since DB's band was playing, so Saturday we figured it would be all clear. And it was. Until 3:50AM. (Who goes to a bar at 3:50AM??) DB walked in and my body physically reacted. I was immediately sick to my stomach and I began to shake. It only made it that much worse that the bastard was ON A DATE. I looked outside - the prick parked NEXT to The Bunny's car, so he knew we were in there. He purposely came in to start trouble and my stomach just couldn't take it. Now, I had been drinking for part of the night, so I reacted poorly. I walked outside when they called last call. The bartender gave us some sodies to go and The Bunny asked me to hold them. DB walked out right after me with his date. He looked at me like I was garbage and I became enraged. I smirked at him then said, "Um, Sweetie, be careful. He wets the bed." Then I threw one of the drinks at them. (Somehow I became 5 years old over the course of those last 10 minutes of the night.)

***Side note - OMG - just retelling this story is making me sick.....***

OK, so I throw the drink and they both turn and stare me down. I smile and walk back into the bar. And yes, before you ask, his date was old and hideous. LOL. So I go in and tell The Bunny what I did. She yells at me, I walked back outside as he was pulling out. I threw the other drink at his windshield. The Bunny came out just as I was doing it and pulled me into the car. Off to Dank's we went. I was so mad, I was almost seething. I was glad I didn't drive and glad I got out of there. I have to say, I was in no shape to make any decisions about staying once he walked in - I wished The Bunny would have gotten me out of there ASAP - but I also don't want him thinking he is going to run me out of one of my favorite bars or make me change anything about my life. I'm not sure which way to go with this. Anyway, we drove home around 5AM and passed out - the ending to my evening. I was sick all ay Sunday, thinking it was a hangover, I just layed in bed - intermittantly puking here and there. When Monday came and I was still throwing up, I realized it was the flu and not a hangover. I stayed home from work and rested as much as I could. 7:30 PM rolls around and my doorbell rings. WTF? I answer it - in my jammies, teeth unbrushed, wrapped in a blanket. It's 2 police officers from DB's department. They flash one badge at me and ask to come in... I warn them I am sick and invited them in.

I got the usual - Where were you Saturday night - who was I with - what happened. Not once did they tell me why they were there. Mama Dukes comes home - I tell her who they are - she simply replies, "Why are you here?" A question I never thought to ask. Duh.
Sargeant Dick: "There was some property damage done to some of DB's property."
Mama Dukes: "And you think Bethany had something to do with it?"
SD: "We are just finding out what happened on the night in question."
MD: "What was done?"
SD: "We aren't at liberty to say."
MD: "He is crazy. He's a diabetic, alcohic, crazy person. My daughter had nothing to do with anything that may or may not have been done. He's absolutely crazy. He tried to rape my daughter, assaulted her and all of you 'cops' stick together."
SD: "Well, I won't agree with that -we are just here for the facts."

I give them The Bunny's number as her and Dank are my alibi's, they thank me for my time and leave. 24 hours later, they arrive at The Bunny's house. WTF? Are they really serious here? This is going above and beyond at this point and DB's games are quite ENOUGH. They questioned her for about 30 minutes and since WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, our stories were the same. They tried to scare her into confessing something and when they finally realized there was nothing for her to confess, they left. How aggravating. Since last Tuesday, we haven't heard a thing. However, my stomach is all over the place upset with fear and stress that this crazy son of a bitch can get away with harassing us, making up stories, and having his friends come to my home and interrogate me. Luckily for me, I have some knowledgable friends in law enforcement - thank you Julio and Meat!!!! <3 <3 <3

So, that was that. Now, can anyone tell me why I am still thinking about that crazy SOB and why I miss the good times we had? Please God, let it only be because I'm lonely that it's now Christmas time.

Welcome back to the drama filled life of Bethany, Readers.... LOL. 10-4 over and out.l

Holy Thirties....

2007-11-20T12:27:00.000-05:00

Hello? Can anyone hear me? Wow. It's been a long time. I actually came back on here a few months ago and started a long post and just now deleted it. Life has been so busy and crazy I couldn't find time to blog. How does that even happen? Especially when I don't have children or my own home to tend to? So, even though it's not New Years yet, I'm making a resolution. I need this space to vent, to be creative, and just to keep a journal of my life. So here we go again. I was going to summarize what's been going on in my life since I stopped blogging, but what's the point? I mean, I've always hoped this would turn into a best seller some day, but I have a great memory and some things are just better off left unwritten. I wish I could unwrite the last year of my life, but everything happens for a reason, right?

So here we go again. Welcome back...

Chchch..... Changes!

2007-03-19T13:19:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Lots of things going on for Bethany lately...

First off, as you all know, I am working the two jobs. Well, now I will be doing volunteer Family and Marriage counseling two nights a week, trying to get back into school for my Masters and possibly working across the bridge (If all goes well!)

Also, let's not forget MY VACATION that's coming up fast and furious! As I was trying to sleep one night last week, I received the following text messages from Carrie:
"What day are you flying in? Do you need me to pick you up for the airport?"
"The party bus is on Thursday Night. We are going to a strip club and bars. There are going to be 34 people on the bus."
"Cool. We are going to party like animals. There are many single men that will be on the bus!"
Oh geez. That's the LAST thing I need. I just want to party with my girl and the bride to be - Winkie :).

This past weekend was a semi bust. Since I had to work all day Saturday, I knew I didn't want to go out Friday night. However, with the snow storm we received, I planned on not going anywhere after I left work at 1 PM (My company was closing at 2). When I got home, I relaxed and watched some t.v. and waited for DB to come over. He stopped by before work and then I headed to bed.

Saturday I was not a happy campper. Here we are, St. Patty's Day and I have to work a 14 hour shift. :( I made due though and headed over to 32 with a smile on my face. The day went fairly smoothly, it wasn't as busy as I thought it was going to be. And I definitely didn't make the money I expected to make (I was being told I would make enough to pay rent for a month and I walked with less than $200 - ARGH!) However, Kel-Kel, Maggie Sue, Ry-Ry, Left Eye, Laurie, Amy (And her man, I didn't catch his name) stopped in for a few frosty beverages and that made the day better. :) Of course Kel-Kel stayed sober (she did have a drink or two though, yea!). After my shift finally ended (11:30 PM) I was able to sit with the group and enjoy a few laughs, take a few pictures, and chat it up with Maggie Sue. It was nice to talk to her and air some things that went wrong and clear up some miscommunications. I'm happy to say I believe it will be a new beginning for us. :) It was nice to see her as the happy married woman she's become.... I felt a little lonely being without DB while my friends were all happily with their significant others, but I guess that's the price I pay, right? After a few drinkies, new mommy Maggie wanted to get back to "Grandmas" to see her little girl. (I got an Easter pic and little Syd is too cute!) I called DB when I was leaving and he was on his way to a call, so I just went home. I returned a call to Doogie and he called back soon after. We talked for a bit and then he decided to swing by.

(Part of) The Pooh Crew - Back Again!

2007-03-19T09:21:00.000-05:00

Aren't we cute? This is just one pic from St. Patty's. I'll post more ASAP.

I am SUCH a Girl!!!

2007-03-15T18:11:00.000-05:00

Take a look at my new laptop - to be shipped next week. Courtesy of Sony, Mama Dukes & my Discover Card, LOL!!! It's Pretty in Pink!:

I Think My Vacation Was Approved??

2007-03-13T12:19:00.000-05:00

My boss just called from Vancouver...
"Hi - how are you feeling?," he asks.
"Better, thanks," I say - short and sweet.
"So - the orders came in. That's great. Can you take care of X, Y & Z before you go on vacation?"
WHAT?? It's approved??

I AM SO BOOKING IT NOW. 10-4 over and out.

Weekend Recap...

2007-03-12T08:32:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday - OK, not really. Where do I begin? My boss is an a-hole. Last Thursday I had to work from home because the Honda people were coming to inspect my car and they gave me a time frame of 12-5. How nice. Instead of driving in to the office and working from 8:30-11:30 I just stayed home. (Of course DB stopped by on his way home - awwwwe). My boss STILL hasn't signed my time off request. So, as you can imagine, I'm annoyed with him. Then all day he gave me attitude via e-mail. F him. After working all day for his attitude, I had to work at 32.

P.S. - The Honda guy showed up 10 minutes after I fell asleep on my lunch hour. I was SO annoyed!

Friday - Woke up feeling like crap. I'd had a headache (migraine) for 2 days straight and was NOT in the mood for the boss (DM). When I got to the office, I couldn't handle it. I needed to leave. So, an hour later I was on my way home. I decided, F Him - he can deal with my clients for the day. I couldn't even hold my head up. On my way home, I broke down and started crying. Hysterically, like a baby. It was uncontrollable. I was glad when I got home. I popped a Valium and slept like a baby. I wound up staying in all night - DB stopped by before work to check in on me and The Bunny called / text messaged me most of the night to check in.

Saturday - Woke up to DB's text that he was on his way over. He came by for about an hour to see how I was doing. After he left, I get a text from The Bunny, "Call me ASAP." It was 9:30 AM. The Bunny is NEVER awake that early on a Saturday. I call her. "I'm in The 'Burg. Couldn't drive last night. My car is at Rhodes." She laughs. I laugh. I wound up going to pick her up. She wasn't in The 'Burg. LOL. She was actually 10 or so minutes outside of The 'Burg. I circled around a bit looking for her. When I finally found her - standing on 17 LOL - we went to get some bagels and chatted for a bit. I finally dropped her at her car and went home. We made plans to get our nails done after 3 and we were off. 3 came and The Bunny was too hungover to go out. I can't say I wasn't pissed. I was. I waited 4 hours for her to get some rest, so PMS reared it's ugly head and I was mad. I wound up staying in Saturday night just relaxing and watching movies. DB stopped by again before work and then I was off to dreamland again.

Sunday - Mama Dukes had her shopping face on so that's what we did. For 3 long hours. I made out like a bandit on Mama Dukes dime, so I can't complain. :)

So, here I am at work again. I can't tell you how miserably depressed I am working here. The only good thing is, I put name in the running for a new position here. I'm hoping it comes through as it would open A LOT of doors for me. My boss has still yet to approve my vacation time, so it looks like I won't be going to Winkie's wedding. I am NOT happy. Wednesday at lunch I start this volunteer program I am getting into. I am going to be a volunteer counselor. I am hoping it will open my eyes to see if it is really something I want to get into... And if it is, I hope it counts as an internship when I do finally get my a** back into school! :) Tonight I am dropping Kelly (My Accord) off at Honda. It's going to be a sad day :( Although I am still loving my new ride (dent and all). Things with DB are going well. I hate to say it was The Bunny that caused our fights because I really don't believe that - but, as I said things are going pretty well. LOL. (Sorry Bunny). The only good thing now is that The Bunny and I no longer hold anything back - we just say what's on our mind. I think all of this might have made us closer. I just wish everything could be simple again. Maybe one day. Anyway, I am off for now, I guess I should take advantage of my boss being out of the office so I can get stuff done without him bothering me. 10-4 over and out.

Time to Address Some Things....

2007-03-07T14:07:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... It's time for me to address some things.

I received an e-mail last Friday that still has me (somewhat) seething. I don't like when people *think* they know it all and try to psychoanalyze me.

First off, my relationship with DB is NOTHING like my relationship with "B." As a matter of fact, it is quite the 180. Does he have some faults? Yes, he sure does. But so do we all.

Secondly, my boss is a drama queen. He freaks out when I take a 1/2 day, let alone take a personal call. He makes comments all the time and what bothers me is that he is insisting on blaming my time off lately on DB. So when I get comments from him that I am "not mentally here," it pisses me off because I am here so much it's sickening. (Down the fact that he is NOT approving my vacation request for my trip to AZ - more on that to come.) What it boils down to is that my boss is a lazy fuck who makes 6 figures because dumb asses like me work our fingers to the bone to keep him on the high horse he rode in on. So my job is not suffering from DB. Do we have spats while I am here? Yes. Did I have to leave early once? Yes. However, I am much stronger now then what I was around Christmas time. I am not his toy or play thing. If that were the case, he wouldn't be going through the tough time he is going through right now to be with me and get his life together.

Thirdly, I did not scratch my car because my "head isn't screwed on straight" and because I am "too preoccupied with DB." I scratched the car because I moving out of the way of a tractor trailer and took a turn too tightly (and maybe slightly because I am a bad driver and not used to such a big car just yet). And yes, I guarantee that 90% of people would have left the scene if they knew they could get away with it. However, that is not why I did it. I left because I was in shock that it happened at all and my immediate reaction was to flee. As I was fleeing I called The Bunny who tried to calm me down and told me she would have done the same thing. I called Mama Dukes who also said, "I would've done the same thing." DB wasn't even in my thoughts. Until I realized I broke the law and he's a cop.

Fourth and final, I have thought about what happens if I get rid of The Bunny for the sake of keeping DB and then, in turn, things don't work out with DB. I have racked my brain with outcomes - been sick to my stomach with guilt - and have talked this situation out with 2 very close people to me until I couldn't talk about it any more. It's not as if DB said, "You have to do this," and I did it. And it's not even as though she is completely out of my life. People need to start getting all their facts before throwing stones. What people also need to realize is that DB has his reasons for not liking The Bunny. Do I agree with him for making me choose? No. Do I think he has some valid points? Yes. Yes, I did work hard to repair my relationship with her, but I am also working hard with him to keep our relationship working. So I am literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. Casting judgment on me "as a friend" doesn't make it right and it's not OK.

DB may seem like a "bad guy," but we are in a tough situation and it makes our relationship strained from the start. If we didn't love each other as much as we do, we would just walk away. But that's the easiest way out - walking away. So, as much as I sometimes need an ear and a shoulder to cry on - and I come on here and vent, I'm sorry but keep your opinions to yourself and stop trying to psychoanalyze me. 10-4 over and out.

Weekend Recap....

2007-03-05T10:05:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars. Happy Monday. Caution, long post ahead.

So, let me start off with some good news. I went down the the Jersey shore Friday afternoon with Mama Dukes to see my brothers. We needed to get a bunch of paperwork signed and what not for our stocks and it feels good to finally have a huge chunk of this issue taken care of. It also felt good to know that my father kind of took care of us by buying into these stocks. Briberry and I made out pretty well and it feels good. It was also nice to spend the day with Mama Dukes - the two hour ride there and back gave us some time to catch up. I also took her out for her birthday dinner (her birthday is today). (Shut up RyRy, but we went to Charlie Brown's, LOL. The salad bar was AWESOME.) Briberry was decent to me - smiled and was pleasant. The other Brother (not to be confused with "The Other Sister," because he's not retarded, but you might not know it by looking at him), was a prick. An all out, first class, a-hole. He wouldn't look at my mother or eye, talk to us, or even SIT near us. Honestly, is it really worth all this because of money?? Grow-up already.

When we got home, I napped for a bit since it was a long day (working in the AM, driving for 4 hours, and dealing with the brothers... It was stressful.) Around 11 I headed over to Casa to see DB play. It was DB's and my 6 month anniversary and Casa is where we met. He sent a BEAUTIFUL bouquet of flowers to my job in the AM. He's being very sweet lately. I stayed about an hour and watched him... Then I headed over to 32. I thought for sure The Bunny would show up - at least for a drink - but she didn't. I chatted with Irish Boy and had a drink while I waited for DB to finish up. As I was sitting there - semi incognito - the new girl was talking about how she "loves" working at 32. We'll call her BG (Bohemian Girl.) She had no clue I was sitting there. "I just love working here. It's the best place I've ever worked," she goes on and on to Irish Boy. Obviously kissing his ass. "I just love everyone that works here. Except Bethany." Hahahaha.... Irish Boy says, "Well, Bethany is right there," and points to me. She almost died. "I, I, I, didn't mean it like that....," she stammers as she tried to explain herself to me. "Stop," I say. "I don't care. I don't care about you. I don't like you. Only speak to me when spoken to." Then I turn my back to her. What a moron. LOL. I left shortly after and met up with DB at my house. We hung out until the wee hours (AKA, until I fell asleep, LOL).

Saturday - Woke up and lounged for most of the day. Chatted with Doogie online and then we decided to meet up at the mall for some eats and a chat. I raced around getting the nails done and what not then met him at The Outback. We spent some time there having some yummy foods and chatting away. It's always good to hear his perspective on things. He's so laid back since he got home and always has good comedic effect. :) After lunch, we headed to Barnes & Noble and checked out some books. I needed to get home soon after so we hugged and said good-bye. After I fed the pooches, I lounged around some more and then decided I was going to go to the movies - whether I had someone to go with or not. No one wanted to go, so I headed out and got to enjoy Zodiac all by my lonesome. It felt good to not have to worry about whether anyone else wanted to see it, listen to them talk, have to find two good seats.... I settled in and enjoyed the THREE hour movie all alone. It was a great flick! Definitely too long though, LOL. After the movie I headed over to DB's gig right near my house and sat in on the last 3 songs. As much as I hate the music (LOL), they sounded good and he made me proud :). I talked to him for a few then went back to my house. He came over a little while later and we relaxed and watched t.v. until I (once again) fell asleep.

Sunday - Mama Dukes headed off to AC with her her BFF. I had the house to myself, ahhh. I got so much done and it felt good! DB came over at night, we watched Waiting and cuddled. All in all, a nice weekend. 10-4 over and out.

One of the Shittiest.Days.Ever.....

2007-03-01T01:07:00.000-05:00

Hi there Kids & Porn Stars. Not only was I ridiculously tired when I woke up this morning, it was the last day of the month. Which means, for my job, end of month billing. My boss on our ass - ALL DAY. I'm used to it, so it was OK. Plus I had the privilege of thinking about how I would be at Wing Night all night after work. And Weight Watchers in between - and oh how I love getting weighed in. I got through the day, got Mica her first car wash and before I knew it, it was 5.

***Side note, I didn't know how I was going to tell The Bunny something, but I knew I had to tell her and I was worried sick at how receptive she'd be. More on this story to come. So I add this added stress on me when I woke up this morning.***

I leave work at 5 and head over to WW to meet Kel-Kel and her Mama Dukes. The parking lot is FULL. I head down one lane which is normally (though not set in stone) a one way. In front of me is a huge truck. So I move to the right in Mica and let him by. I see and open spot. My brain says, "Back it in." But did I listen?? Noooooo. I took the turn too sharp and HIT THE CAR TO THE RIGHT OF ME. It was a tap, so I tried to back up. CCCCRRRRUUUUNNNNCCCCHHHH. SHIT! I get out of the car and look. My car is pretty scratched on the right side. MY NEW CAR. Scratched up. Temporary plates on the car. I look at the other car. The bumper was on the ground and it was pretty messed up. Fuck!!!!!! I look at my car - no license plates. I look around. No one's looking. Adios! I left the scene. I am a criminal. I shouldn't even be writing about this, but I am so guilt stricken. The car I hot was old and the bumper was already banged up - it doesn't make it right though. (So Kel-Kel, this is why I was a no show...) I was shaking and sick to my stomach. I sped to work and hopped out and looked at my car. It's not that bad, but I am getting it fixed ASAP. I feel like and a-hole. I really, truly do. And usually, I don't feel bad about things. Anyone who I've told has been making me feel like a really huge turd, but I know damn well that anyone else (with the exception of Kel-Kel) would have done the same thing. ADMIT IT!

I called The Bunny - who seemed like she wanted nothing to do with any of it. DB couldn't get out to see me, but as long as I was "OK," he assumed it was OK. Mama Dukes *thought* I was OK. I really needed someone to comfort me, I was shaking and pukey, but no one seemed to want to be bothered coming to see me. I made it through the shift - all along thinking about how I am just not meant to have a nice, shiny, new car... And to top that off, 32 decided to put THREE servers on and it was a dead night. So I walked with $80 - for the night. I was NOT happy. And Irish Boy heard the wrath of me. Not to mention, the 3rd server was BBB's Friend who started a week ago. She sucks, she's annoying, and, she's ugly. I had quite a few things to say about that as well. LOL. I'm sure she thinks I'm the biggest bitch alive, but you know what? We pool our tips and I don't work for F***ing free. I'm obviously there to make money. And if she EVER makes one more comment about how much I am on my cell phone, I will take one of her cigarettes and put it out in her eye. :) xoxoxoxo.

OK, so onto DB... I refrained from calling him on Tuesday. I knew it was best. (A BIG hug & thanks to Kel-Kel and RyRy who let me cry on their shoulders Monday night and gave me pizza, lol and a BIG hug & thanks to Doogie for taking me to lunch on Tuesday and talking me through this.... You guys are the best.) Around 1 AM I get a text message from DB asking if I was awake and if I wanted to talk. So he called and we talked for almost 2 hours. All about - you guessed it - The Bunny. He wants her out of my life - at least until she gets help for her "drinking problem" and stays sober for at least 6 months after. The Bunny is a self described free spirit - and she certainly isn't going to change because MY boyfriend wants her too. And she shouldn't. In order to keep the peace and work things out, I told him I would talk to her. However, in my mind, I keep thinking about all the good times that would vanish if she were to leave my life and I started to get sick to my stomach. However, DB and I made up and things are good. Part of me wants to test it and see if The Bunny really is "the problem" as he likes to think. However, part of me wants to kick him in the nuts for ever trying to make me choose. However, now it seems I am getting attitude from her and I feel like I am the one getting the shit end of the stick here because I am the one in the middle. Why does everything have to be so frustrating?

I'm at a loss - no pun intended. 10-4 over and out.

Sorry, Back to Private....

2007-02-27T15:12:00.000-05:00

How sick is it that I'm afraid he will somehow read this and get even angrier with me.

When did I become this person? :( I don't even recognize myself anymore.

10-4 over and out.

Again, I Get "The Talk" From My Boss....

2007-02-27T10:07:00.000-05:00

So DB sent me a nasty e-mail yesterday - while I was at work - ending our relationship because he hates The Bunny.

Fine.

But, to do it while I'm at work? Not fine. So I, of course, was hysterically crying at my desk. I called Mama Dukes and she was no help. She made me angrier with some of the dumb sounding questions she was asking. I know she didn't know what to say and I know she was just trying to keep my mind off of it while I counted down until 5. Of course, The Boss comes over to my desk at 4:50 and sees the tears streaming down my face. This morning I get this e-mail from him:

"Please come in to my office and let me know where you are at with JM orders and billing - the # was 12m yesterday with 300 unbilled orders."

F*ck. I go into his office with the biggest, fakest smile I can muster.

"Beth!," he yells. "What's going on?" I smile and say, "Nothing, what's up?"
"You are on this emotional roller coaster and I don't know what to do to help you," he says. "I need you HERE right now - we just lost a huge client and my numbers are low. I need all hands on deck."

The LAST thing I need right now is to lose my job. Could anything else go bad for me right now?? ARGH!!!

Back to an Open Blog...

2007-02-27T08:50:00.000-05:00

It seems a lot of people have trouble getting into and viewing my blog... So I am back to having an open blog until I can get this figured out. This is so frustrating.

I guess it really doesn't matter anyway, now does it?

I am SO miserable right now. :( 10-4 over and out.

No Time For My Drama??

2007-02-26T15:50:00.000-05:00

Ugh!!!!!!! I am completely at a loss for words. So last night DB said he wasn't coming over and that was it. He shut his cell phone off. I messaged him that I wasn't sure why he was ignoring me, etc. I won't lie, part of me believes he shut his phone off because he was going out with someone else - a friend, I don't believe he'd cheat on me (I know, I know, how ironic). Anyway, I wanted to drive by his house. And I really considered doing it. But, the angel on my shoulder talked me out of it. I popped a valium and went off to dreamland.

Today, no response. Nothing. I e-mailed his twice this morning and messaged him again. I finally gave up and messaged him, "You win." I get this back:
"The kids are home today. Sorry but I have a life aside from your drama. Did you call my house at 11:30 last night?"
WTF? No. I didn't. So, I write back and tell him this. Then he responds with:
"Stop harassing me. I'll let you know when I have time to talk."

Am I a piece of trash? He will just talk to me when HE feels like it and I am supposed to just sit here like a dog and patiently wait until he gets over his problem??

I AM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW!!! I COULD JUST SCREAM. If I wasn't sitting at my WORK desk, I would scream.

I'm Shrinking....

2007-02-26T09:07:00.000-05:00

I've definitely noticed lately that I am not as tall as I once was. I can't reach things, I'm tiny next to people.... This morning, since it snowed, I got to clean off Mica for the first time. I can't reach the top of my truck. This can't be good. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Making Choices....

2007-02-25T04:23:00.000-05:00

Hi Kids & Porn Stars..... It's almost 4:30 AM on Sunday morning and what started out as a great weekend, turned into hell.

On Friday, contrary to what some people thought (ahem, Flirt! LOL), I did get a raise. 5% - which, for my company is pretty damn good. It's about $2K more a year, which isn't much, but every little bit helps. After work I ran a bunch of errands and got a lot done. I got to see RyRy really quick and then raced down to the 'Burg to meet DB for dinner. Dinner was nice and I was really looking forward to seeing his band play and hanging out with The Bunny. After dinner, I raced home and rested for a bit. Then I got ready and headed back to the 'Burg. The Bunny was already there and the band was on a break. DB's dad was there and I, of course, got the stare down. But this time I was stronger and ignored it. The night flew by and things were going well. I got to meet a friend of The Bunny's. The band wrapped up around 2AM and we decided to head over to 32while DB packed up. We got there and the staff was being a little obnoxious. For people I work with, I was a little irritated by their behavior. Regardless, DB showed up, and the two were getting along. Things seemed to be going well. Bunny decided to sleep over, she had what I thought was too much to drink and drive. 4AM came and it was time to go (rather, we got thrown out, but that's a story for another time.) We headed home - me in my car and both of them in theirs. I get close to my house and DB calls me - "She kept going, she's driving home."I get to my house and he's there. "What can we do?," he asks. So I call her. Long story short, she decided to drive home and hung up on me. I didn't know what else to do, so I called her Mama Dukes. That's when it became my fault she was drinking - my Mama Dukes was angered by all this, DB was angry - things got way out of control. All because I wanted to help my friend.... My hands were tied. Some very harsh words came out of The Bunny's mothers mouth towards me. I fell asleep crying in DB's arms.

Saturday - Woke up late and had little time to make it to Erica's baby shower (I'm still in awe that she's having twin boys!!) The Bunny called and we talked. Her mother apologized. I told her we would talk more after the shower, I would come over for dinner. The shower went great - Erica got some fabulous gifts for the boys. I got to see Maggie Sue, Midge, AJ and the newest addition - Sydney :). Of course I was RIDICULOUSLY greedy and held Sydney as much as I could. She was way too adorable and I so want one. It was nice to see the girls - and being slightly hungover (and very exhausted) it was nice to be around so much food, LOL. At 4, we all headed out, Erica looked tired and had a TON of gifts to go through. I headed home and rested up for a bit. DB had a gig that night at cockroach heaven, but I wasn't in the mood for loud music and a crowd - and besides that, The Bunny promised me a home cooked meal. I headed to her place around 8 and we sat down to a yummy salad and some pasta. We talked and after eating we got comfortable on the couch and popped in Season 1 of SVU. DB messaged me asking if I was coming to the gig. I told him where I was. He responded with this, "You've got to be kidding me. Either she goes or I go. I'm done with the drama." At that point, I regretted telling him where I was. I really didn't want it to be this way - and through text. I went home and waited for him to call at the end of his gig. He waited until 3AM - on purpose. He knew I was sleeping by that point. He got very nasty with me - drove all the way to 32 - even though he was on the other side of the county - because he "needed a drink." He was being nasty and hung up on me. So I headed over to 32 and confronted him. "You are so predictable," he said. He then proceeded to tell me what "trash" my friend and her family is. And yelled about how I could want someone like her in my life. We walked out together, he stopped talking to me - he peeled out, swerving. So I followed him. We talked at some red lights, but he kept driving away, angrily. (Can we see a pattern here? He's drinking, I'm not. He's dramatic, I'm not??) Not that far out, I get pulled over. Coincidence? I think not. It was his friend JC. It was SSSOOO obvious DB called him and asked him to pull me over. Especially now since DB kept driving (and now claims he didn't know I got stopped. Hmmm, what gave it away - the flashing RED AND BLUE F-ing lights?? JC let me go - after saying some things that gave away his guilt - and I went home. I'd had enough.

Sunday - I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be alone. DB calls while he's out and we talk more. He tells me he didn't know I got stopped but that JC messaged him that he owes him one. He had to quickly go and then we messaged back and forth the rest of the night. His second to last message was basically, "So your never talking to her again?" This was the only way he was going to talk to me again or come over. Then 10:30 comes around and all of a sudden he's tired and staying home.

I don't think I've ever in my whole life - this includes knowing The Bunny - had such a dramatic, insane, erratic relationship. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or think. Give up my friendship of almost 6 years for someone I've know for less than 6 months. Give up what I thought was the love of my life - but who insists on shutting me out every time he gets mad? I don't know. I'm confused, angry, upset and completely at a loss for words. I'm at the end of my rope here. 10-4 over and out.

I Give Fairly Good Advice….

2007-02-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

But, I don’t take it too well – I mean, if any one of my girlfriends were in the position I am in, I would tell them – scratch that – scream at them to leave. Immediately. I guess people can never see what other people can see. Am I different person now? Do I really have residual issues from my father’s absence and untimely death? I don’t know. I never really thought I did. You know what’s weird? I have only ever missed having a father – once. When I saw house close my co-worker was with her dad. I had a bad day at work, was PMSing and then got to see that. And I teared up. Other than that, it really just felt like I didn’t have a dad. And I was OK with it. I never knew what it was like to have a loving father, so how could I miss it? I always equated my “promisquity” as a teenager to the fact that I was REALLY HUGE and then Maggie Sue and I dropped a bunch of weight and I was making up for lost time. I never really thought it was because I “didn’t have a dad.” I know all psychologists feel that women get really f’d up from having an absentee father, but I can only imagine how f’d up I would have been had my parents stayed together. Besides, I know lots of women who have great fathers who “get around.” So why is this now becoming an issue? I know I get a little crazy at times (mostly when drinking, lol). I also know that everyone has their crazy moments, don’t they?

Anyway, I picked up Mica last Thursday night (Or Veronica, we can’t decide what to call my new car….) I spent Thursday night driving around with The Bunny, breaking her in. She is HOT – I love it. Not so good on the gas though, lol, but I finally have a “truck.” I will have pics up as soon as I can…. She isn’t completely broken in as of yet, there is nothing really personal in her yet besides Schmitty, my rearview mirror danglers, and some CD’s. I almost don’t feel as though she is really all mine yet…. Plus it’s weird having the Accord still in the driveway :( It’s hard to let her go – I had some good times in that car :) I’m enjoying driving my new car around town, although I feel VERY poor lately. Haha. I took back my third night at 32 (at least for this week) because I am in need of some cash flowage – ASAP. I don’t know how I am going to make it through 5 full days at WK and then 3 long nights at 32, but I will try my hardest to make due. We’ll see what happens. I might be dead by the weekend, LOL. Just kidding…..

My boss is out this week. Rumor is that some raises were given out this year. Not everyone is getting a raise. I am going to FLIP THE F**K out if I don’t get a raise. Especially since I asked for one, I DESERVE one, and I need one. My friend (I love her dearly) who told me she was getting a raise…. Well, she walks around endlessly during the day (don’t get me wrong, she gets her work done….), comes in late almost every day (and I’m not talking 10 minutes – I’m talking 30-60 minutes late daily), and she really doesn’t go above and beyond. They gave her 4%. Not much, but every little bit helps. If I don’t get one, I will really freak out. Her boss told her not to tell anyone about it because “not everyone is getting a raise this year.” WTF? 4% across the board would really kill them?? I’m fairly settled in here until I am in school and done with school, but seriously how long can a person go being kicked while they are already on the ground?? I’ve been sending out some resumes, but I don’t want to go too far as this may not be what I do for the rest of my life and would ideally like to remain in close commute to 32 and the school I am looking into. This is so frustrating…. Maybe I just really need a vacation. Ahhhhh, AZ. :)

It’s 10AM and I haven’t done anything work related. I think I’m a little too bitter about this raise thing. Maybe I should wait and make sure I definitely didn’t get one before I go on strike. LOL. 10-4 over and out!

What a Friggin' Ordeal!!!

2007-02-15T13:59:00.000-05:00

Ohhhhhhh JESUS Heyseus! LOL. OK, so as you all know, I've leased a new car. I am supposed to pick it up tonight.... Well, Honda - the bastards that they are - won't do my vehicle inspection until 3/8/07 the earliest (I suspect because I won't be re-leasing through them). Which means I have to KEEP MY CAR until then. Which means for the next 21 days, I will have two cars. My driveway only holds two cars - mine and Mama Dukes. Where the F am I supposed to put this 3rd friggin car? Then, my license / registration / insurance are all under a separate address which is proving to be a problem with Mazda, because that's all the mail I get at that second address. I just spent the last hour running around getting the address changed on my insurance, getting copies of statements with Mama Dukes address on it and figuring out a way to get my registration and license address changed (I lost my damn passport months ago. Tonight will be spent searching for the passport and my birth certificate (after I pick up the car - if I can pick up the car). I am so frustrated and stressed about this. I'm poor now. I've had a stress headache for 2 days and I can't concentrate because I'm excited for the new car. Argh!!!!!!!!! Is it really worth all this?? LOL.

I LOVE Being Right!!!!!!!

2007-02-13T14:24:00.000-05:00

So, I heard back from the New York State Department of Labor today and this is what they had to say about my customers walking out on a bar tab and my Employer making me pay the tab:

No, this is illegal. Your employer cannot require that you pay a tab for a customer who walks out, or make a deduction from your wages or withhold your wages for this reason. If so, you can file a complaint with the Division of Labor Standards. Go to http://www.labor.state.ny.us/workerprotection/laborstandards/workprot
/lsdists.shtm to contact your local district office for assistance.

Carmine Ruberto
Acting Director

By: Vincent Hammond
Senior Labor Standards Investigator
New York State Department of Labor
Division of Labor Standards
247 West 54th Street, 6th Floor
New York, New York 10019
(212) 621-0880

I just LOVE being right AND having it in writing for all to see. ROCK ON! 10-4 over and out.

Totally Excited....

2007-02-13T11:19:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... OK, so I am WAY TOO EXCITED to get my new car. I can't sit still! Although I will be piss poor for the next few weeks, IT IS SO WORTH IT. I think I did the right thing - I was offered to take the car home last night, but opted against it. I didn't think I was ready, didn't have my checkbook (hence my comment below that I was JUST LOOKING), and I still need to work things out with my Honda lease. I can't pick it up tonight or tomorrow because I have to work at 32, so today and tomorrow I am going to be all gittery and excited to pick it up. My mom is already calling a sick day for Thursday, but I can't do that. I need to save my time off for AZ! :) And I need to make sure I get into 32 because I need that $ to spend in AZ! LOL. :)

Ugh.... I work to buy things. I buy things to make me happy because I hate work. It's a vicious cycle. Hahaha..... 10-4 over and out.

Say Hello To Mica.....

2007-02-12T22:12:00.000-05:00

****Had to remove the Picture as it screwed up my links on the side bar. Sorry kids, just click on the link!****
Say hello to my new car - picking it up on Thursday night - wish me luck with it!!! Of course, my car will be Black Cherry "Mica" colored, not black. :) This car IS SO HOT, so nice to drive, AND SO WORTH WORKING 2 jobs... (Of course it's less $ per month then my current car!!! That helps too!! I walked in with the intention of looking only (I still have month left on my lease), but the offer rocked my face off, I couldn't pass it down. I can't wait to pick it up!! :)

10-4 over and out.

I'm Dog Tired, Boss......

2007-02-09T14:10:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... TGIF. I am totally dragging ass today. I didn't realize exactly how tired I was until I sat down at my desk and actually contemplated leaning back and taking a nap in my chair. It's times like this I wish I had an office. I'm not nodding off because I am keeping busy, but I am thoroughly exhausted and can't wait for bed tonight. I have to run a few errands after work, then it's off to Kel-Kel's place to see her and Maggie Sue for a bit. I promised DB I'd be home in time to see him - we haven't seen much of each other lately. Oddly, it's been nice. Probably because we aren't fighting. LOL. But, we want to see one another for a bit before he goes into work. I fell asleep on him briefly last night. I worked the last 3 nights at 32 (I HATE restaurant drama!!). The money was so worth it though - $403 for about 14 hours worth of work. Can't beat that!

So I have a question for anyone who works in the restaurant industry. If someone walks out on their tab, is it the servers responsibility to pay that bill?? I've hear it's illegal and I had a table walkout this week and they made me pay for it. It was only $12, but it's principle. I've searched all over the internet for answers and can't find it. Anyway.....

This cold weather is KILLING my skin. I can't wait to get to AZ and maybe get a little sun. :) On the traveling note, Mama Dukes purchased a time share last weekend. For me and her. It's in Massachusetts and it's only about 15 minutes from Albany. I can trade it and go other places, etc. but I am SO excited to have a weekend getaway place and cheaper travel! Who wants to go away? LOL.

I seriously think I am dying and I am going to pass out and my desk. I need sleep. ASAP. 10-4 over and out.

P.S. Why is this Anna Nicole Smith death so troublesome? I don't know why it's effecting me, but it really is quite sad. Don't you think?

Something Stinks in Suburbia....

2007-02-06T12:19:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars. Bethany is NOT happy. OK, so for the last week or so, The Bunny and I have (still) been working the P/T job. Things were going smoothly, or so it seemed. It was like "family" there. We had our tiffs, ass grabbing, and good times. Last week, the owner was somewhat a dick on Wing Night. We didn't take too kindly to it, voiced our opinions and that was that. Friday night, he was a dick to The Bunny again. She didn't take too kindly to it and voiced her opinion. So last night I go in to check my schedule. Wednesday nights are now being split between 3 people - BBB, The Bunny and me. So basically, every other Wed. I am to be off. WTF? So I talked to Irish Boy and questioned the change. He tried to explain, but it wasn't logical. So we all started talking - heatedly. The Bunny and I stick together so we said, "If one leaves, we both leave." He got pissed, we got pissed. He wouldn't budge. Not only was all this happening, but she basically had 1 table all night and they had BBB come in to work a party - a party she could have worked. So, The Bunny WALKED OUT. She didn't even clock out. LOL. We headed over to Sterlington to talk to the owner about bartending jobs... We are supposed to find out soon. IB (Irish Boy) calls me, "Bethany, you know I love you. You know I value your work. Wed. nights are yours forever if you want them - I'm not trying to screw you." So why is OK now that Wed. nights are mine? Were they trying to get rid of The Bunny? Something stinks in Suburbia and I don't like it. I flat out asked him if they were trying to get rid of one of us and he said no, but I am not sure what I believe. I'm confused and a little irritated that I had to be annoyed on my day off. And now I have to work without The Bunny Wed. nights - until 2AM ish AND I still have to work this Thursday night. ARGH!!!!

Feeling Better.....

2007-02-04T21:10:00.000-05:00

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars... Happy Super Bowl Sunday. Just wanted to check in with you all and let you know that after a dinner with DB and a whole day with Mama Dukes, I am feeling better. Per my mom today, "I haven't heard you laugh like this is a long time." Things must be moving on up for me.

Mama Dukes also bought me a FANTASTIC gift today. One that will last me a lifetime. I can't wait to start using it. ;)

10-4 over and out.

Bring Me to Life.... Save Me From the Nothing I've Become.

2007-02-02T13:26:00.000-05:00

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core,
Where I've become so numb...
Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold.
Until you find it there and lead it back home.

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Now that I know what I'm without,
You can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real,
Bring me to life.

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life.
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
Without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

(All of this time I can't believe I couldn't see,
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me...)

I've been sleeping a thousand years, it seems.
Got to open my eyes to everything.

(Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul.)
Don't let me die here.
(There must be something more.)
Bring me to life.

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life.
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life.

Someone special turned me onto this song many years ago.... Who knew how fitting it would be just when he came back into my life. I hate this feeling of not having control. I hate the unknown. I hate this pit in my stomach. There is so much to learn in life and (it seems) so little time to learn it. Everything you say and do becomes "you." People fault you for past mistakes and you become that person. How have I become the person I've become. Where did I lose myself? What a depressing week. :( Bethany is sad, but I'm certainly glad the weekend was here. My boss literally sent me home from work yesterday. He said I haven't been here "mentally" in over 2 weeks. Ouch. Hearing that made things worse.... So my stomach was sick with worry all afternoon. I couldn't sleep. Head my own advice - life is a roller coaster.... I am just on the downward spiral right now, but soon enough it will go back up. Right? 10-4 over and out.

Annoyed.....

2007-01-31T11:25:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars....

It's Wing Night tonight. Woo-hoo.

I’m annoyed for several reasons:
1) I was working last night (and it was actually a little busy!) and I missed my Stalkers phone call. I love the heavy breathing, keep it up! :)
2) I’m not sleeping well. I don’t know why, but I’m not.
3) Working two jobs. It’s well worth the money, but it’s flying out of my hands as soon as I make it, it seems.
4) I am once again forced into drama. The Bunny’s “ex” of (seriously) about 3 weeks – Private Pyle – is upset that she has dumped him. For some reason or another, he’s gotten it into his head that it’s because of me because I am “miserable in my relationship with DB and jealous of their happiness.” Happiness? You NEVER saw each other. She was happier spooning with me! LOL. He then decided to call me a c**t the other night. Whether she used me as an excuse or not (I wouldn’t care – just tell me – so I don’t feel as though I’ve been thrown under a bus), I don’t know. At first, I was pissed about him using the C word against me. Then I looked at the source and realized, “Why should I care, he really is a pathetic loser?” However, now I feel as though it’s becoming an “issue” between The Bunny and myself and now there is a lot of crap floating around the firehouse about her and I. DB is pissed that I am being dragged into the middle and blaming it all on her (making the situation between the two of them worse…) And then there is the past between The Bunny and I that is always in the back of my mind…. That fear that she is always looking for a better friendship than what we have, how she always seems so eager to believe the crap people talk about me, and how she is usually very quick to choose another friendship over the one her and I have. I have so many other things to be stressing about – I shouldn’t have to stress over friendships and relationships. I really feel as though I shouldn’t ever have to worry about whether or not my friend is going to “break up” with me. And even though I’ve survived it before and she assures me that we will always be friends now, paranoia creeps in. Doogie told me the other night, “Don’t stress it. Drop ‘em all.” LOL. He makes it seem so easy. LOL. ;) Too bad I actually have feelings and care about my relationship with DB and friendship with The Bunny, LOL.
5) The confusion I have right now in my head about a certain situation. The mixed signals are driving me nuts!
6) The fact that I am tired ALL the time and I think it’s all the hours I am putting into work. I actually feel too exhausted to do anything on my days off (i.e. – go to the gym).
7) The fact that I feel trapped in my current job. I feel like I’m one of those girls in the movie The Silence of the Lambs and I am trying to claw my way out of the well of death. “Put the f***ing lotion in the basket!”
8) My jaw hurts. I seriously need to get back to the Dr. – now I have a list of “ailments.”

I am SURE there is plenty more to be annoyed with. I’m also sure that everyone else has his or her annoyances in life. I just needed to vent a little bit. On a lighter note, Doogie and I went to the movies on Sunday night and I finally saw The Departed. Holy crap that was a GOOD friggin movie!!! The company wasn’t too shabby either :) I had a good time, Doogs!

This weekend is a little crazy, or so it seems. I thought I would have plans Friday night, but they fell through. Saturday night I am hoping to do dinner with DB. However I will, of course, not know until last minute. Sunday is DP’s super bowl party (I’ve got some dinero riding on this game!), but Mama Dukes needs me to take a road trip with her to Boston, so I may need to bail on the party :(.

I’m off now – need to meet my numbers before months end (T-Minus 5 hours). I need to be out of here at 5 on the dot since I have to work Wing Night tonight. Fabulous. 10-4 over and out.

Happy 3-0, Midge!!!

2007-01-26T15:09:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... OK, OK, so I am a day late and a dollar short, but I needed to publicly wish my Midge a very Happy Birthday. We are celebrating the BIG 3-0 in style tonight and I can't wait to see her. :) Although, I'm a little mad she didn't give ANY hints as to birthday gifts! :) But, I think I will come through for her, LOL.

This weekend is jammed packed with events. Tonight is Midge's get together, then off for some drinkies. I promised DB I'd come by and watch him play for a bit in the 'Burg. Tomorrow night he's playing over by The Bunny's house and I am supposed to chill with Doogie. Also tomorrow is Mama Dukes best friends ("G") birthday, so we are taking her for some eats. I think I may need to work from home for a bit tomorrow as well. I need to make up some time since I took a sick day yesterday - oops! :)

On a funny note, I have a prank calling heavy breather. Whoever it is, insists on calling me from a restricted # between the hours of 6-8. It's usually about 3-4 times a night and it's quite amusing. Keep calling! LOL :P.

Back to work - Seacrest, OUT! 10-4 over and.......

"Annual" Exam.... Argh

2007-01-24T11:22:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... I hate being a woman for two reasons and two reasons only:
Getting my period
Getting my "annual exam."

I've had the same "girly" doctor since I was 18, but have since decided to switch since he is getting pretty old (he delivered me 29 years ago), he's located pretty far (down in Western NJ), and he has very odd hours. It has been a NIGHTMARE trying to find a new doctor - preferably a female doctor because I don't want some old geezer or some young hottie poking around in there with long, cold, sterile tools. I tried this place by my house, I waited 3 months for an appointment! Day of, I could not go (female reasons, LOL). They never answered their phone that day when I cancelled (It took me a week to book the actual appointment since they don't answer....) and they never responded to my voicemail messages to reschedule my appointment. This didn't fair well with me. So I started on the hunt for another new doctor. I'm a little sketchy to use Maggie's Dr., I was told that The Bunny's Dr. is VERY hard to get an appointment with, so Kel-Kel came through with a new place close to my house. So now I am all set for an appointment in APRIL. Who knew it would take this long and be this hard to make an appointment that literally lasts 5-10 minutes? Ridiculous! LOL.

End of rant. 10-4 over and out.

I'm a Dude, With Tits?

2007-01-23T14:01:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Tuesday (and happy beginning of the rough part of my work week). I now have a semi "set" schedule at 32 (fabulous). I am Tues. Night, Wed. Night (after WW for Wing Night - woot!) and Thurs. night. I go there right from my F/T job. It's been tough, but I am getting into the swing of it. I am getting some $ in the bank, I'm able to help out Mama Dukes a little more, and I don't cringe when I need to buy something.

So many things have gone on the past few weeks... First and foremost, Doogie is back! I was pleasantly surprised two weeks ago on my first Wing Night when he stepped in to visit. It was an awesome surprise :)

The Bunny's cousin-in-law (is that real? lol) passed away. So last week we had the wake and funeral. It was 3 sad days, but I did my best to help her through it. In true Irish style after the funeral, we celebrated her life rather than mourned her passing. So there was a HUGE drinkfest at the firehouse, tons of food, and a whole lotta Durkins. LOL. By the end of the day, I had become a surrogate daughter to The Bunny's parents and all her aunts and uncles and Grandma are all mine as well. LOL.

Other than working, hanging with The Bunny, hanging with DB, working at 32, trying to make time for other friends, Mama Dukes, and the pooches not much else is going on. I'm always busy, but my life seems rather boring right now, LOL.

I'll keep you all posted if anything good happens. Here is what I am looking forward to:
- Midge turning the big 3-0 this week and us partying on Friday night (Woo-hoo!)
- Getting The Bunny turned on to men in uniform (and this new guy working out).
- My trip to AZ to see Car & Winkie with Kel-Kel, Bunches, and The Bunny.
- Finding a school to accept me and going back..... (Fingers crossed!)
- Spending some time catching up with Doogals
- Meeting Sydney :) (Hint, hint)
- Valentine's Day with DB ;)
- Working St. Patty's Day and making TONS OF MONEY!!!

I am sure I am looking forward to more, but the e-mails are ROLLING in and I need to get some work done before I leave right at 5 on the dot. :) 10-4 over and out.

It's Finally Mine.......

2007-01-10T14:57:00.000-05:00

I LOVE gagdets! Eat it, kids! LOL. :) I love being spoiled by Mama Dukes!!!

I Know I've Been MIA.......

2007-01-05T10:16:00.000-05:00

This second job may kill me.

I'm so tired and my F/T job is crazy busy too. Then I try to see DB as much as we can. Sorry Kids - I miss everyone! Hopefully things will get back to normal soon. I'm sssooo going to get mono again. LOL.

xoxoxoxoxo,
Bethany

Happy New Year....

2007-01-02T10:54:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Tuesday, Happy New Year, Happy Four Day work week :). Things in my life.... Have changed. And it's only the 2nd. Where to begin?

Let me flashback to last week (if I leave things out, I’m sorry – my brain isn’t what it was 3 weeks ago):

Sunday – Christmas Eve. Drugged myself pretty good and then went to 32 with Kippy to visit The Bunny. Lee (the manager) is going through the same thing as me and hugged me several times and talked me through it. I wanted to get wasted, but something in my heart told me not to turn to that. It wasn’t right. We had planned on going to look at Christmas lights, but wound up staying at 32 the entire night. Earlier on, I asked The Bunny to stay the night with me. I couldn’t bear waking up alone :( She agreed. We all exchanged gifts and I got some rockin’ good gifts from my buddies. Kippy was acting kind of quiet and not acting like himself, so we kind of felt put out. We tried and tried to get him to smile and have a good time, but to no avail. The Bunny refused to let it ruin her night though and kept the party going. Maybe a little too much, lol. ;) Into the wee hours (actually, it was like 11:30), we took Kippy home and then went back to my house. The Bunny was hammered. It was funny and fun to watch, until Hot Rod upset it her and then the rest of the night was ruined because they kept fighting with one another. I finally passed out and woke up the next morning to a snoring Bunny. LOL.

Monday – Christmas was weird. It was just myself and Mama Dukes (after The Bunny left) this year and neither of us really had “the spirit.” We exchanged gifts and Mama Dukes rocked out with her gift giving this year. I don’t know if it was guilt, or what, but she kicked arse with her gifties to me. Weird, but I think this break up with DB brought us closer together. <3 We had some Turkey din-din, visited her BFF, and then went home and passed out. I had to be back to work on Tuesday AM (argh!)

Tuesday - The meds my doctor prescribed to help me “get over the hump” of my break up with DB helped, but they only kept me from crying. I was still “feeling” and I wanted that to stop. ASAP. I called out to the p/t job (32) because I had some kind of Bronchitis type of cold/flu/cough. I felt like I was dying. Then my Kel-Kel called and wanted to get me out of the house. (I love how everyone rallied to support me in my time of need. It was really awesome. I felt so alone and they made that feeling disappear. Thanks again everyone….) Kel-Kel took me out for “break up / comfort food.” AKA mozzarella sticks. We drove around and talked. She let me cry it out. We looked at the Elvis Christmas lights in NJ. It felt good to get it all out and hear her feedback. I was actually starting to feel better. After she dropped me off, I went inside and talked to Mama Dukes and then checked my e-mail. And there it was. And e-mail from DB. My heart pounded and I started to shake and sweat. I had been dying to hear from him for what seemed like and eternity and now here it was – the dreaded e-mail…. 1 day after Christmas. I wanted to read it so badly, but part of me didn’t. I clicked on it and it wasn’t pretty. I broke down and reverted back to the morning of the break up. It felt like I had been punched in the gut. I was hysterical and a HUGE mess. I called him and told him he could come and get his things, but I needed to know why. I needed closure. I called Kel-Kel who offered to drive back to my house (too sweet). I called The Bunny who was already on her way to Suffern. She stopped by my place first. I cried and sniffled and cried. I finally took a Valium and went to sleep. 11:30PM comes – I am passed out – and he calls. I checked my phone every second of every day when he wasn’t calling. And now there was his ring. My heart actually stopped. Mama Dukes ran to my room, “is it him??” I nodded yes. I answered. She closed my door and he and I talked for over and hour. Turns out, he was driving to my house and was outside for a small time. He wanted his things back. Then he wanted to come in to talk more. When he came in, I could see the love back in his eyes. He missed me. He saw what a mess I had become. We talked. We hugged. I cried. We talked about the possibility of getting back together. He left late and I fell fast asleep and finally slept well.

After than, we talked and e-mailed. I was so sick, I wound up leaving work early on Thursday and coming home sick on Friday. The Bunny filled in for me at 32 on Thursday night, I felt like I was dying.

Friday - DB stopped by Friday afternoon and we talked some more and got everything out in the open. It felt good to talk to him and even better to see him. I missed him so much. The break up really opened my eyes to what I want and don’t want and to how I really felt about “B.” The Bunny was coming over after work, so I told him to come by after his gig if he wanted to. When she arrived, we chilled and talked. I felt good again….. Whole if you will. We decided to head over to his gig (even though I was dying). It turned out to be a really great night. We headed out to Rhodes at 10-ish and DB was looking hot as he was playing. I made nice with his buddy FB. The Bunny got a little tipsy and made nice with a few people, LOL. She wound up meeting a REALLY nice guy – Gigs. The night went slow and fast all at once. It felt good to watch DB play and to feel at ease with him. Around 2:30, DB and I headed back to my house and I felt safe knowing that The Bunny was getting a ride home from either Gigs or Durkin. DB and I talked and really finally realized that we don’t want to live without one another. The Bunny came home at 8AM and woke me. We talked for a bit and she told me all about Gigs, then we passed back out.

Saturday – Cowgirl called in the AM. I hit the ignore button on the cell (sorry girl, but it was a friggin late night). Then she called the house. Then the cell again – I knew something was up because she would have just left a VM. She had a flat tire and needed my help with Triple AAA. So I got The Bunny out of bed and we headed down to NJ to help her out. A few hours later, we were finally getting some breakfast into our bellies and then ran all our errands. By the time we got back to my place, we wanted nothing to do with going anywhere. We showered (separately Animals) and went back to bed to watch movies. DB stopped by before work and then The Bunny and I were off to dream land.

Sunday – Woke up early and then we went back to sleep. LOL. We knew we had to get some errands done though. I died The Bunny’s hair (it looks healthier, shinier, but kind of the same color. LOL). We shopped for the evening shin-dig. We still didn’t have a final count. Both of us knew in our guts that the night would bring drama, we just weren’t sure how much. DB stopped by briefly and Mama Dukes headed out to her work party as we prepared for the night. A few minutes to 9, Kippy showed up. Already there was tension in the air. Shortly after, Gigs showed up. We all started drinking and playing some different board games I had. Things were going smoothly besides the tension. Tempers flared shortly after the ball dropped and Gigs and Kippy got into it. The Bunny fessed up to dating Gigs and Kippy was heartbroken. Mama Dukes came home and said it was time for the party to be over, so Kippy headed home. DB showed up and we all wound up talking in the kitchen. Mama Dukes and DB made their peace and so did The Bunny and DB. It was all a lot of drama for Gigs to handle for a first night out, but he handled it well.

The New Year has brought about a lot of good changes. And it has a promise of good things to come. I feel good, I'm happy, I'm in love, Doogie is home, Maggie Sue had a baby, The Bunny is back in my life, Cowgirl and I are closer than ever, Kel-Kel is once again like a sister.... Things feel good. I wish everyone a great New Year and all the joys and promises 2007 should bring. Bethany is back.... 10-4 over and out.

A Thank You......

2006-12-27T08:57:00.000-05:00

To Kel-Kel who did everything in her power last night to make me smile and laugh. And who's endless hugs will never be forgotten or taken for granted.

To Bunny who got me out of the house practically every night last week and talked to me over endless hours about the same things. Who, even in her deadest, tiredness, could still drive to Suffern to lay on my bed and let me cry.

To Cowgirl who lent me her ear over and over while I was at work and having emotional breakdowns on the phone. Her hugs couldn't be physically felt, but I knew they were there. Your tireless e-mails helped more than you'll know....

To Kippy who made sure to message me every morning that each day would get better.

To Lee who promised an ear any time I needed it and who has become a very good friend in a short period of time.

To RyRy for making me laugh, making fun of me, playing a little Stephen Lynch for me and lending me your wife when I needed her.

To Flirt for putting in his two cents in and giving me "the guys side." You said things I needed to hear, so thank you.

To DC who gave me countless hugs at work and would take walks with me to get some air. Your fastly becoming a cherished friend.

To Maggie Sue who sent her kind words through Kel-Kel even though she has her own sh*t going on with just having given birth! :)

Please forgive me if I've inadvertently left anyone off, it was not my intention and my short term memory blows right now.

Who the Hell Do I Know in Asbury Park, NJ??

2006-12-22T12:33:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Although I said I was checking out for a while, I find that this might be a helpful outlet for me. Because, right now, there seems like there is no help for me. I am absolutely the most miserable person to be around. I can't even stand to be around me.

I won't get into specifics about the DB break up. All I will tell you is that I have never been this hurt and miserable. I almost feel crazy. I cry at the drop of a hat. It's all I can talk about - people don't know what to say to me. All I know is that I can now honestly say that I know what love is. I realized that I loved "B," but I am not 100% sure I was in love with him. I NEVER felt like this when we broke up (all 3 times).

I am going to my doctor today... I can't stand this perpetual lump in my throat, this weight on my shoulders, my thoughts always circling back to him. Apparently, he is going to give something to me to help ease the pain. It's amazing how someone can get into your mind so badly. And now I start rethinking everything that was said to me. I start remembering he is a cop and to me, all cops are pigs (Sorry Julio). I just want to know, when does it get better? When does it get easier? I ran into him Wed. His Chiro is by my job and I saw him and pulled over. We talked - he was mean - he said he's e-mail me and left. I haven't gotten anything from him yet. He told me I don't keep my word - that I broke his trust. So his word means nothing?

Then last night, The Bunny and I ran around to finish up X-mas shopping. We went to the Mill for some dinner (I finally got a normal portion down). Who's there? "B." And no, I am not kidding. The rest of the crowd was, of course, all police men. Fabulous. We made plans to hang with some of them later on tonight (after midnight), but we'll see where the night takes us. I am supposed to visit Kel-Kel and hear her words of wisdom. For now, I'm off to the Dr. and hopefully he can help... Because of the love in the world from my awesome friends doesn't seem to be helping right now.... 10-4 over and out.

Someone from Asbury Park, NJ has been checking out my site a lot. WHo the heck are ya? :)

I Won't Be Updating for a While.....

2006-12-20T15:40:00.000-05:00

DB broke up with me Monday AM and I have not been the same person since.

I need time to be alone and be by myself.

I'm miserable, sad, lonely, and depressed.

I've lost the love of my life because I made stupid mistakes. Stupid mistakes I probably wouldn't have made had I not been drinking. All things I need to take a look at myself and figure out why.

I'm checking out for a while.... If you know me, you know how to get in touch.

10-4 over and out.

Clarification.....

2006-12-13T10:01:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars. This post is being made to clarify some things - just so you know.

My blog is a journal. It's where I go to rant and rave and get things off my chest before they boil into big, explosive, dramatic situations. It's a place where I can come to bounce my "issues" off my readers and friends. So Doogie can say, "Bethany, you're being an ass. Knock it off." Where Kel-Kel can say, "I'll be right over to give you a big Kel-Kel hug." Where KTU can say, "F that a-hole, they are trash." I don't judge people - never have. I don't surround myself with people who would (or I try not to). I expect my friends to form their own opinions on things. I don't expect anyone to read my blog here and assume that The Bunny is evil, that Mama Dukes is a b*tch or the DB is awful to me. Yes, things happen and I write about them here, but this is not me bashing anyone. This is just random sh*t that goes on in my head that I would write into a journal. I know that there are generational gaps - "B" and Harrison had HUGE problems with me having a blog, but among the people who are my age, I don't know many who DON'T have a blog. Even Kippy started one!

So now that I've clarified what the point of this "space" is, I want to apologize. I'm sorry if anyone got the idea that DB was a horrible person. He's really not - I wouldn't love him as much as I do if he was. None of you (my readers and friends) have made any comments about him, I just felt the need to clarify. He means the world to me and the last thing I want to do is hurt him with a "blog." 10-4 over and out.

Sexually Harassed.... At Home Depot?

2006-12-12T09:21:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Tuesday. Let me recap the weekend so you can understand why I was harassed at a Home Depot last night (there's always a story, lol).

Friday night The Bunny came to pick me up and we headed over to the mall to see The Holiday. GREAT chick flick. I loved it.

Saturday - headed over to the part time job for my 10AM shift :(. It was a long and tiring day and I only made $35 in tips, but they paid me for my time which rocked. So overall for the day I did well. DB came over later that night and it was nice to see him after not seeing him for almost 2 days.

Sunday when I woke up I felt like I was 90 years old. It's been a while since I waitressed and I need to get used to it all over again, lol. I planned on getting the rest of my stuff out of storage and I had a big crew recruited to help :). Kel-Kel, Kippy, The Bunny, and Bunny's Papa Dukes all came out - with trucks! The whole process didn't take long, but it was a sweaty ordeal. by 6:30 I had my bed set up and we were all done. After that, Mama Dukes took me to dinner for some eats and then DB came by later on that night. As we were laying there watching t.v., BANG! My bed fell apart. LOL. DB got it back together for me and we thought all was well. He left shortly after for work and I passed out. 4AM comes around and - BANG! - my bed falls apart again! Argh! The wood frame has wooden slats on the bottom to hold the matress and box spring up and one piece is warped... So it keeps falling apart. :(

So last night, The Bunny came to pick me up and we went to the 'Mill and got some eats and chatted it up with the bartender about the Kramer situation, lol, and giving birth. That was enough to make me stop eating, so we then headed over to The Home Depot to get new wooden slats. We walked around looking for "wood" and finally came across the Lumber department. This guy called over to the Lumber guy, "Hey Jay, I'm sending over two BEAUTIFUL customers for you to help." The guy cut two pieces for me and we went back to the first guy to pay. As we were standing there, a mentally challenged cart pusher came up behind us and the cashier yells to him to "stop looking at" our "hot asses." Ummmmmm, OK, he's retarded. The cart guy gets all embarrassed and blushes and then yells at the cashier. "I I I I wasssssn't looking at their bbbbbutts. Stttttop saying that." Poor thing. The cashier continued to make comments as we walked out, but seriously, who does that?? LOL. We got back to my place and fixed my bed and then The Bunny was oof. DB came over later and we watched t.v. in my comfy bed. It was a nice night with him although he *tried* to start a fight with me, lol.

Tonight it's off to work after work. Fun-fun. DB will be there with a bunch of his co-workers for a squad party, so at least I will get to see him... I'm off to get some work done here. They had major layoffs at our sister company yesterday, so I need to keep myself in check so I'm not next :( 10-4 over and out.

I'm Trying the New Blogger Perks

2006-12-08T15:14:00.000-05:00

And I think I am F***ing up my blog. LOL. Their new way is very time consuming and kind of a pain in the arse. LOL. But since I already updated my template, I have to use their way. Frustrating. Please bear with me. :) XOXOXO 10-4 over and out.

The Juice of the Forbidden Fruit……

2006-12-08T10:29:00.000-05:00

G’afternoon Kids & Porn Stars…. I am SO glad it’s Friday and for all intensive purposes, it is the weekend. Things seem to be coming together for me, finally. I am SO broke and Christmas this year is really going to be hard on my wallet, I have a feeling things will start looking up for me after the New Year. I found a p/t job – at one of my local hangouts. I guess it’s good to know the owner of the pub, I didn’t even have to interview for the position. All I had to do was say I was interested. I start training on Saturday. My stockbroker was very helpful, now I just need to talk to the brother, Briberry – swallow my pride and be nice to him. (God I hate him, lol. Well, hate is a strong word. I really, really, really don’t like him, lol.) So, once all that is done, I will hopefully be settled with money and I can concentrate on finding a place to live :) – if I choose to leave my free living space – AKA Mama Dukes place. I was also accepted into the Graduate Program at the school of my choice. I am supposed to meet with the program director next week for advisement. I can’t wait. Of course, no one seems to be on board with this idea or career path and it’s really starting to frustrate me. So I won’t become a millionaire – who is? I need to keep reminding myself that I am doing this for me and not for anyone else. I certainly won’t become a millionaire if I stay working where I am – these 3% yearly raises don’t do much as they really can’t even be considered a cost of living increase. Argh.

Wednesday afternoon DB called and took me to lunch. We had a nice time – just happy to see one another, which is how it always seems with us….. Not being able to get enough of one another. Then he sprung on me that he had band practice until 10PM. Normally I don’t mind that we do things on our own – it makes our time together that much more special. However, we don’t get a whole lot of time together as it is. With his time constraints and our differing work schedules, it’s hard to mesh. We’ve been making it work though. I always give him a debriefing of my schedule for the day and week – as much as I can. I guess when he just threw it out there as if it was no big deal that he had band practice, I got a little annoyed. I was wondering why I was just first hearing about it? I look so forward to his nights off – and he knows this. A little background… the night before he was also off from work. He originally had band practice also, but it was canceled. So we wound up spending a nice night together <3. I didn’t know there was a practice, but I was pleasantly surprised that it was canceled and we spent the whole night enjoying one another. I just couldn’t figure out why he never said, “Hey baby, I have band practice again tomorrow night.” Not to mention he was also feeling a little under the weather and in my mind, 3 hours of practice in a stuffy basement wasn’t going to help him feel better…. I assumed he wouldn’t come over. So we got into it a little bit – even though I DID NOT want to fight. He went on to say he could start treating me as “B” did. OK, didn’t need to go there, but whatever. I said that if he didn’t come over that night (because he was “teaching” me a lesson) that it would be over with us – I don’t play games. By the time he dropped me off, things seemed better. Night came and he came by around 10:30. I passed out as soon as he arrived. I slept the whole time he was over. In my defense, you all know I am sick and when I get tired, I need to rest my weary eyes. There was no waking me. This was not intentional, it just happened. I felt terrible and I felt like I missed a whole day with him. The next morning I sent an e-mail apologizing. :( He responds to my apology saying he might not come by that night and it might quite possibly be because he’s “teaching” me a lesson for giving him such sh*t about coming over and then falling asleep. WTF? Excuse me?

Anyway, last night was a good time (Thursday). I was so exhausted and all I could think about was getting home, getting into my jammies, watching a little 90210 and passing out. The Bunny and I decided to skip the gym as we were both in the same state of exhaustion. She called as I was driving home and we got to talking…. “Let’s go out,” she says. All of a sudden I have a second wind. She comes to pick me up and we’re off to Chili’s near my old apartment :( to meet up with Kippy and his friends. I will mention that the night I went out with DB, I fell off the wagon. Not hard, only a few scrapes, LOL. (SHUT UP RyRy!) So I decided to have one glass of wine at Chili’s. One glass usually gives me a good buzz – and it did! We chatted for a bit, I played pimp, and The Bunny, Kippy and I made plans for Christmas Eve. Awe……. Kippy & Co, headed out and then The Bunny and I needed to get some things done. We had our weekly therapy session in the car driving around Rockland. Found out some interesting news. Drank the juice from the Forbidden Fruit. Equated ourselves to the Bobbsey Twins. Took some pictures of a parking spot (I got a friggin parking ticket the night before – F’n cops!) Then, before we knew it, we both needed to pee – ASAP. So we stopped at a Dunkin Donuts and DB called. He “doesn’t know” when he’s going to see me again. He decided he was going to play “B.” So, I decided that I would play Bethany with “B” and tell him if this was the case that I would heading to the nearest bar, getting drunk, and making out with whomever I choose. I really wasn’t going to, but still, how old are we that we are playing games like this? All because I opted to speak my feelings? Is he kidding me with this? I don’t and try not to compare him to “B,” but more and more the last few days I am thinking about things. Then, of course, yesterday I came across an old e-mail from “B” that nearly brought me to tears. I didn’t remember they had archived with my personal folders at work. I’m wondering if maybe the non-closure with “B” is making him creep into my thoughts. Not to mention I have had TWO dreams this week about Harrison. WTF is that about?? Then I remind myself that Doogie is coming home soon and I can’t wait to see him and party with him. I keep hoping it’s like old times and I will have my Doogster back – helmet and all. Is it possible these three PAST encounters are coming up because DB and I are getting that much closer and I’m getting scared? Or maybe I feel the same issues I had with them creeping up on him and I? I’m confused and scared. It’s not even paranoia anymore. It’s more a fear of things not working out after all the effort I’ve put into it. I can’t take the baby games though…. I spent 3 years with someone who couldn’t communicate and when I tried to communicate I would get, “You’re not allowed to fight with me,” and the conversation would be over. I can’t go through that again. I can honestly say that it hasn’t come to that with DB, things are definitely nowhere near as bad as they were with “B,” but if I can’t speak my mind now, when can I? It could also be how I make things come across verbally; I could work on that…. I am not changing who I am to fit the mold though. I am a “take me as I am” kind of gal. Love it or leave. When he did call last night, I could detect in his voice that he was no too happy I was out. He asked where I was and what we were doing. I mentioned we had to make some stops. How did he respond? “Why don’t you two grow up already?” Excuse me? How did he get from what I said that we were doing something immature and not acting our age? Yes, The Bunny and I have gotten into some trouble in the past, but now we are harmless, older, and wiser. We weren’t drunk – we want no part of any kind of trouble – we were simply dropping off some things and taking care of business with Hot Rod. This makes me immature? F that. I’m really starting to resent the judgmental attitude. Even Mama Dukes sees a change in The Bunny. She actually called me at work yesterday to ask how The Bunny was. Of all the people in my life, my mom was the only person to really see the toll The Bunny had on me…. And even she is accepting of The Bunny being here to stay and she sees a difference in her. Do we get a little silly with one another? Sure. Who doesn’t get a little silly when they are with one of their best girl friends? Is it different from Kel-Kel silly and KTU silly and Cowgirl silly? Yes. But even those 3 are different from one another. There are different inside jokes. There are different time frames of life. Things are just different. It is what it is and The Bunny is here to stay – take it or leave it. I think I’ve ranted enough on this topic.

New topic. Weight Watchers. Why do the member who attend my meeting think it’s like AA? It’s not a true confessions session. NO ONE CARES THAT YOU ATE A GALLON OF HAAGEN DAAZ. I only care if I eat a gallon of it. I am there to learn new tricks to eat healthier, to exercise more, and to gain support in the battle of the bulge. Not listen to you wine about how you kept measuring it and eating it even though it give you diarrhea. (I sh*t you not – no pun intended – this came up in the last meeting.) And the woman confessing didn’t even tell us about the loose stools – the friend she came with did. Freaks.

Anyway, I’ve been caught twice now, so I guess I should get some work done ASAP. 10-4 over and out. Please excuse the babbling – my predictions? By tonight things will be fine with DB.

What's a Cockle?

2006-12-03T23:23:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... It's been exactly 15 days since I last posted and I have NO idea where the time went. Let me try to recap, but since I am ANOTHER YEAR OLDER (UGH!) the memory has slightly gone, LOL.

Let me start out with my birthday recap.... Hmmm, where to begin. On 11/17, the day before, everyone at work celebrated with me with goodies, gifts, decorations and lunch. I <3 my birthday. (This is where the memory is no good - I can't remember what I did Friday night). I think The Bunny and I chilled & drove around. I do remember she came to my place and Mama Dukes FLIPPED OUT. Basically threw her out. I think we then headed over to Kippy's (PPPE) for some drinks and fun. However, DB called shortly after I got there and I went to visit with him. :)

On my actual birthday - 11/18 - I woke up to a very cranky and VERY bitchy Mama Dukes. She was still being bitchy about The Bunny having been at the house. I opened my gift alone in my room and went back to sleep. Everything I had planned for the day was put on the back burner and I rested. :) Which is my favorite way to spend a day, LOL. At night, *almost* all of my friends made it out for my big 2-9 celebration. Everyone arrived on time and we raced down to Mt. Fuji for some yummy birthday treats. I wasn’t able to sit as close to everyone as I had originally hoped and we had to wait 1 ½ hours to get seated (even with a friggin reservation!), but I was determined not to have my evening ruined. We all ate, everyone was getting along famously, and there were smiles and laughs all around. DB was looking quite handsome and I couldn’t wait to be alone with him. :) My friends gave me some awesome gifts ranging from 90210 season one on DVD, to massage gift certificates, to a beautiful reddish sweater, to perfume, to jewelry, to gorilla slippers. I couldn’t ask for sweeter friends. :) After dinner finished up, most of the group needed to head home, so Kippy, Bunny, DB, Kel-Kel, RyRy, Midge, Ray and I headed over to Ireland’s to continue the celebration. Drinking ensued and everyone except Bunny, Kippy and DB faded out. We played darts and enjoyed our night. DB and I had a small tiff, but by the time we headed home, I was over it. Until, of course, JT came on the radio (OK, I own his newest CD). DB got mad and drama ensued. It was an awful fight and a terrible time to have it, but looking back, it brought us that much closer. We haven’t fought since ;)

Sunday was spent relaxing and DB came by later on in the evening and we talked for hours.

I was off from work the week of Thanksgiving. And I needed the break from work. I got to see Cowgirl for lunch, DB for lunch, and I got some errands done that I needed to get done. I gave up drinking until New Year’s, so it was a dry week….

Thursday, Mama Dukes got her crazy eyes on, so I wound up calling The Bunny to come spend Turkey Day with her and Kippy. So, I picked up Kippy, we headed to Rockland Bakery (and skipped the whole line!) to pick up some treats and arrived by 1. We sat around with Sissy and played with The Bunny’s cousins. Dinner was TERRIFIC and I got to see Grandma Durkin (she’s like my Grandma now). All in all a nice evening. We headed to Kippy’s after where we played board games and watched some movies. DB called and I went to meet him at work for a little while.

Friday night RyRy and Kel-Kel took The Bunny and I to dinner at a little Italian place near their house. It was nice to introduce my friends to one another as they are all very important people in my life and I just like spending time with all of them.

Last week flew by in a flash. Being back at work sucked. I can’t even remember what I did. All I know is that DB and I are stronger than ever…. And I couldn’t be happier.

If I could remember more, I would blog more… This weekend was pretty much a wash as I have been sick for a while. I can’t seem to shake this cold. I can say this about this past weekend. Some revelations were revealed and I hold the record for the only person to pass the Outback Steakhouse employment test (Friggin SAT!) buzzed. LOL.

So I am off to bed now (again) with promises to keep you all up to date on the goings on in my life. 10-4 over and out.

Happy Birthday, Flirt!!! (Fellow Scorpio)

2006-11-15T14:20:00.000-05:00

It's The Flirts birthday today. Drop by his site and give him some best wishes on his day. Maybe stay for a while and read his site. It's good stuff. ;)

Do You Know What Happens....

2006-11-15T06:49:00.000-05:00

.....When you have some kind of insecurity and you discuss it with your girlfriends (who have the same insecurities?) It makes it worse. LOL. I sat and analyzed the ENTIRE night with DB with 2-3 of my girlfriends and although they were supportive and gave good "outside of the box" advice, it didn't stop me from completely overanalyzing the entire evening. Long story short, we were both two very cranky people who had a bad night. No more overanalyzing. It reeks havoc on my sleep pattern and my belly (who decided to hurt and gurgle when I'm upset). I need to take things for what they are and start worrying when someone tells me there is something to worry about. :) We both acknowledged our crankiness from the prior night and got past it just as easy as anything else in our relationship. I heart the Drummer Boy. :)

He E-mailed Me.......

2006-11-14T15:29:00.000-05:00

DB e-mailed me. I guess I feel better, but I'm not sure. He said he woke up close to 1PM and cleaned his gutters and got his oil changed... I am assuming he didn't meet me for lunch because he felt there wasn't enough time. I don't know. Why didn't he answer his cell when I called though? Or call me and say plans were canceled? Hmmmm. I really need to stop thinking about this because I'll just drive myself nuts thinking about the if's/and's/why's....... Why don't people come with instruction manuals?? LOL.

10-4 over and out.

Frustrated......

2006-11-14T13:39:00.000-05:00

G'Afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... I need to vent. I want to start off this post by saying I am not mad at DB, I am just frustrated and I need to vent here. (I am sure this will cause a problem later). So yesterday he went to see and old girlfriend. I don't have a problem with him seeing her, it's more the fact that she doesn't know about me and I am a jealous person (at times). I mean, I know he wouldn't do anything with her, so maybe I am just being selfish because I would rather him come see me. Anyway, I'm getting off track here. So he goes and spends however long with her - fine - then calls me afterwards at work. We chat for a bit and then he tells me he will be in the area of my house that night, but he is going out with his friend (we'll call him Fat Bastard... I don't like him. I think I posted about him previously, but I can't remember.) So I say, "You're going to go out with FB and then not see me until after 10PM again?" (I assumed he would be picking up his son at 9PM which is his usual routine.) This annoys me because we were up late the night before and I was extremely tired and really didn't want to wait up again. I mean, I'd do it - I'll always do it if it means I get to see him, but it just annoyed me that he had this free time and would rather see FB and drink then come by me. Or come by me first and see FB later on in the night. I let it drop and that was the end of it. Before we hung up, I said (as cute as I could), "I'm mad at you though."

With my eyes practically closed, The Bunny picked me up to go get some eats. I could barely walk by the time I got home I was so tired (see previous posts that I have CFS and when I'm tired, I need to sleep...) So, I get home around 9 ish, maybe earlier (it took FOREVER to get to the place we wanted to eat). I get into my jammies and relax for a minute and then I call DB thinking I would get his VM and leave a cute message. He answered. WTF? I say, "Why are you answering?" He says, "I didn't have to pick him up. I am going to stay out with FB for another drink or two and then I will come by, OK?" I say OK and then we hang up. I get into the shower and climb into bed.

10:30 rolls around and he calls me, "Is it OK if I still come by?" It was weird because at 10:12 I said to myself, "He has until 10:30 and then I am shutting the phone off." I say yes and we hang up. Moments later, he arrives and he is cranky. I am cranky. We get snippy with each other. He tells me how he had 7 or so beers and a few shots. Just last week he said I was an alcoholic. This bothers me and makes me crankier. Then he tells me about his lunch and how he still didn't tell her about me because it didn't come up. Which brings me in a flash back to "B" and his comments of, "Well she didn't ask if I had a girlfriend, so I didn't tell her." Argh. I don't want to hold him against DB, but it was the first thing that came to mind. The I tell him I was upset he chose to stay out and drink more then come see me - he gets mad because he "does everything he possibly can to see me as much as possible" - and says how I am trying to control who he is friends with. WTF? Because I am a little selfish and wanted to get to bed at a decent hour, now I am controlling him? I know his comments came out of anger and maybe a little guilt, but it just escalated into something worse. He tells me how FB wants to (basically) kiss and make up with me, but I really feel like he a sneaky fuck and I have a really bad feeling about him and just don't want to have anything to do with him - I think DB is holding this against me. He makes a comment about a show I am watching, "Isn't she dating that guys friend? Why would the friend try to get with her and hit on her?" I say, "I don't know, ask FB, he does it." He looks at me and says, "He DIDN'T hit on you." Ok, that so wasn't what I was talking about, but how the hell does he know what went on - because FB says so? So my word is nothing. ARGH! I feel like I can never express any kind of dissatisfaction/sadness/anger without being made to feel like a fool. I tried very hard not to accuse him of anything or be a bitch about it, I just wanted to get my point across. During all of this, he was falling asleep here and there. So, not only did I not see him for lunch or dinner or before 10:30, now he was going to fall asleep on me? Then he comments how he watches me sleep all the time. Um..... Yea. I work 9-5 and then wait up all night for him to come by and have to do the whole routine over again the next day. I'm going to fall asleep from time to time. I told him about my reservation nightmare for Saturday night and I pouted. I REALLY wanted the Melting Pot and got stuck with Mt. Fuji. I looked at him and pouted. His response? "Pouting isn't going to change it." Um, OK. How about a little support? Like.... "It sucks, but everyone will have a good time, don't worry." Or how about, "We'll go sometime together and make up for it." Something.... Instead of making me feel worse. He wound up getting up and going to leave after going through my bedroom door and knocking over the dog gate waking my mother. I really didn't want her to know what was going on (don't need her input). So after he went to leave, we talked and then he said, "I hate when you do this. I get ready to leave and you get me to stay." He also said, "I feel like you don't appreciate all I go through to see you sometimes." Excuse me? What about what I go through to see him? It isn't all one sided here. I risked my relationship with my mom and KTU just to be able to date him and now I get this?? Is it wrong that I hate going to bed angry or sad? Plus, the one time "B" and I really had it out, he looked me dead in the face (much like DB did last night) and said, "I'm not angry with you, I just want to sleep in my own bed. We're fine. Everything is fine. We'll talk tomorrow." Then he proceeded to dump me the next day. It's wrong to hold this stuff against DB, but it lingers in my mind and I can't help it. So he comes back into my room and we lay down and chat for a little bit about nothing really and then the next thing I know, he's kissing me goodbye and leaving. I haven't heard from him since which leads me to believe that this "fight" isn't quite over. I am hoping I haven't heard from him because he's sleeping because he stayed at my place late, but I don't know.

OK, so maybe I am selfish in wanting to see him and want my sleep too. And maybe my anger for FB may have clouded my "vision." But I just want to see him as much as I can...... Without being so exhausted I can't even eat. Is this wrong? I try so hard not to say things I will regret when we "fight," but sometimes he says things that are so hurtful and my mom is upset by that because you should, "never make a dig at someone just because you're mad. When you're fighting, it's just a disagreement, you don't hate one another." I mean he doesn't make nasty digs it's more things he knows will bother me (i.e. "At least I remember everything after a night of drinking.") I don't know, I guess I am just sad that we seem to be fighting so much lately and I don't know what to do to correct it. Stop voicing my opinions? Stop talking completely? Act like I just don't give a crap? I don't know. I guess I'll feel better once I hear from him. I really do love him and spending time with him - even if we are fighting, but I can't stand having this pit in my stomach every other day either. Part of me thinks maybe I cause the fights so I can chase him away before he leaves me. But I really don't think all the "fights" are completely me trying to argue.

On top of all this, my mother and aunt are arguing. It's gotten so bad that Mama Dukes actually canceled our trip to Disney in March. Fabulous. I so DO NOT want to get caught in the middle of this. I am praying that The Bunny's cousin comes through with a job for me so I can move out sooner than expected. Even if I have to rent.

I'm Bringing Sexy Back....... YEA!

2006-11-13T11:41:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday (5 days until vacation for me!! Yea!!!) So.... The weekend... Friday was filled with everyone telling me to #1, find a new doctor and #2 Not listen to his scare tactics. I made a follow up appointment with a different doctor, so we'll see. I decided not to let it ruin my entire night.

The Bunny came by my place around 7:30 Friday night as we had planned on getting some dinner and maybe a movie. We headed over to Friday's for some eats and DB called. All was well with us again. I guess I got a little crazy over something he said and he wasn't even really mad at me after all that. It's weird though, the more silly miscommunication we have, the closer is brings us. So I am not sure if these "fights" are really a bad thing or not. The Bunny and I finished up dinner and did a drive by or two (LOL). We had to get some fuel and we killed time just talking and catching up. It's nice to have her back. I'm still scared though. I don't want to go through getting close to her again and having some dumb f**k ruin it. I like having her in my life and I hate it when we don't talk. It's weird with her though, the minute we start talking and hanging out again, it's like no time has passed and we just get back into the groove. After we did our drive by's and what not, we headed over to Casa to see DB's band play. I was very proud of The Bunny (and myself). She had 1 1/2 beers and I had about 1 drink. We both had a fun and sober evening. Around 1 AM we headed home as we were both tired and needed some relaxation. :) DB came by after his gig was over and we hung out until around 5:30 AM. I swear, the more I see him, I grow more and more in love with him. He poked fun of my momentary mental lapse the evening before. I poked fun of him. We watched some Howard T.V. and we cuddled. He is just too cute.

Saturday - Woke up early because the pups decided they needed to go pee at 8AM. How lucky for me. I napped for a little while after I walked them and then it was time to get up and get myself to Kel-Kel's house for Maggie Sue's baby shower. Mama Duke was awake bright and early making baked ziti for me for the party (and it was yummy if I say so!) I "wrapped" the gifts I bought (i.e. - I put them in a nice gift bag with pretty pink tissue paper) and was off. I can't believe how much stuff she got (almost all pink too, LOL!) People were so very generous and I think she was pleased with all her goodies :) I (yea!) won the Baby Shower Bingo and came home with some lovely trinkets. :) I am liking all this Bridal and Baby Showers. LOL. After we helped Maggie pack her car, everyone left except for AJ, ERS and myself, but I had promised The Bunny a night at the movies, so I was off for home. I think Kel-Kel was relieved it was over, she worked her little fingers to the bone planning the Shower that she needed some relaxation time. I think she got it :)
When I got home The Bunny and I made our plans and PPPE was working, but decided to come meet us for a hour or so on his lunch break. So we decided to get some eats, go to the movies and then meet up with him after midnight. Shortly after The Bunny picked me up, he let us know he called in sick. Plans changed immediately. We ate a quick, small din-din and then headed to his place to pick him up. It was a little awkward at first - even though this wasn't technically a blind date. We headed to PR (it blew) and then back to our town to my old favorite place, Ireland's. We wound up chilling there until about 1:30. I wanted to go see my man, so I annoyed the hell out of them until The Bunny agreed to take me home. I was tired, I wanted to see DB and I wanted PPPE and her to have some "alone time" to get to know one another any way. It worked ;) I got to see the boy on duty (Sweet!) and then I was home fairly early. I heart DB.

Sunday - I slept in (yea) and then Mama Dukes and I did a little shoppy shopping. (Mama Dukes paid, can't beat that!) Afterwards I got everything done around the house that I needed.... Then my boy came over. We spent a few hours just enjoying one another's company. :)

Today was spent messaging and chatting with The Bunny, harassing PPPE via text and trying to get some work done. I attempted to make reservations for my birthday dinner this Saturday night and the place I had my heart set on was BOOKED SOLID! I am so sad about it. :( I called several other places, but no restaurants wanted a reservation of 20 on a Saturday night. Not even the Olive Garden? When did they become snobby? I was quite annoyed, but I finally found a Mt. Fuji in NJ that was willing to take my reservation. After about 30 minutes of getting the woman to understand me, my reservation was finally made. Then the manager called me back to as if I was really coming with 20 people. LOL. No one better back out! LOL. Do these restaurants not realize the money they will be losing out on??
Anyway, I am getting ready for the boy to come by and I just got home from yet an other dinner with The Bunny. I need to go prepare for DB's arrival now and maybe start getting my goodie bags together for my birthday. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

I Feel a Little Better.....

2006-11-10T16:54:00.000-05:00

Maggie Sue reassured me that Doctor's like to scare people and that mine is an asshole :) I feel a little better now. Thanks Magz. <3

Not Funny.....

2006-11-10T14:40:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... Not only did I get a second night of crappy sleep, but I got some bad news today. I haven't been sleeping well because I wasn't feeling 100%. Turns out, I have a UTI. So I ran to the Dr. on my lunch hour today to get a presciption. I also didn't sleep well because DB and I had a "misunderstanding" last night. Misunderstanding was, I am not allowed to be upset if he says something I think is hurtful. Enough about that - at this point, that's the last thing on my mind. (Not to belittle my relationship with DB, but what I was told is just a tad more important right now...)

I get to the Dr. and holding in pee with a UTI is the worst pain EVER. They finally call me in and let me pee (yea!) I pee all over my hand (lovely) and go back to the examining room. I wait and wait. They literally forgot I was there. Finally the Dr. comes in and says, "WOW, yes, it's definitely a Urinary Tract Infection." The lectures me about being sexually active (cause that's where he thinks it came from. Wonderful, the guy now knows I have fantastic sex all the time. LOL.) Then he says this, "There was blood in your urine as well. You'll have to come back in 3 weeks for more testing." I say, "What would you be testing for?" He responds (as he is walking out of the room), "Cancer, but I wouldn't worry. It's probably nothing."

This makes all the little things in life really not matter so much. I'm still scared sh*tless - especially with the crappy insurance plan I have. :( Of course I've tried reaching out to Mama Dukes and DB and neither one of them are around to calm my nerves. :( Guess I'll get back to work (Right, like I can concentrate). 10-4 over and out.

Would it be Wrong....

2006-11-09T15:00:00.000-05:00

...if I went and took a nap in the bathroom at work? I got such awful, broken sleep last night (woke up 3 times between 2 - 4) and now I am exhausted.

Do you think anyone would notice I was missing from now until 5? How would I wake up at 5 though? LOL.

Birthday Wish List....

2006-11-09T14:30:00.001-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... So many people have asked me what I want this year. Honestly? Nothing really. LOL. The only thing I really wanted Mama Dukes picked up for me (new Coach bag) and the matching wallet she will be picking up next month for me (I guess Mama Dukes isn't so bad, LOL). However, since I've been asked, I will give you some ideas :)
1) I love to shop at Target, Macy's and Barnes & Noble
2) I love Massages :)
3) I am desperate need of new shoes. Well, not desperate, but I'd like to buy some. I guess this would fall under Macy's. LOL.
4) I get my nails done regularly - in the Nanuet Mall (Exotic Nails). I love pedicures too, LOL.
5) I used to go to Trade Secret in Nanuet Mall to get my hair cut and highlighted, but they closed. However, there is a Trade Secret in Palisades :)
6) I LOVE Beverly Hills 90210. I've heard that season one is out on DVD. :)
7) I LOVE Mat Kearny and I want his CD.
8) I need a new digital camera. LOL, but I've told this to Mama Dukes as a Christmas idea....
9) A new (Brown) paid of Uggs - Classic Short. :)
10) TMX Elmo

I think this is all I can give you for now. I am not a woman of many "wants" right now. I'm just way too content with having DB, I don't need much else. :) LOL. Actually, I guess my list is pretty long.... However, these are all just desires, right? I don't actually expect them. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Victory in New York....

2006-11-08T13:46:00.000-05:00

Hillary Rodham Clinton remains Senator of NY. Victory feels nice. :)

Who, the Redhead?

2006-11-07T16:37:00.000-05:00

G’afternoon Kids & Porn Stars…. Happy Tuesday. Happy November. :) I ABSOLUTELY love the Fall season. October – December is just the best time of the year. We have Halloween, my birthday, Turkey Day, Christmas, New Years…. All good times – all time people are happy and sincere. Anywho, this past weekend was once again awesome due to my wonderfully adoring BF, DB. I want to take a quick moment out to say that I love you, baby! Time frame be damned, you are my true love! :)

OK, Friday night I left work and headed over to DP’s place. We haven’t spent any time together alone to catch up, so we decided dinner was a good way to do so. Plus I needed to give her the b-day gift I had gotten her. After the previous weekend of drinking, neither of us wanted to drink again, so we went to an Italian BYOB place and didn’t bring our own. LOL. We had some tasty eats and got all caught up. Afterwards, we headed back to her place and chilled until close to midnight. I was starting to get sleepy, so I headed home (I only know the long way home, so it took a small while to get back to my house. I hate where I live, LOL). During the time I was at DP’s, The Bunny and I were going back and forth with text messages. We have been talking on and off lately about life and what not. She wanted me to stop by her place, but I needed to get home. It was late and I was tried and bleary eyed. DB was working that night, so I could only see him for a short time, but he was able to make a stop by :) He was at my place for a decent amount of time and I looked at him and couldn’t resist. I said, “I need to tell you something.” He looked at me funny – I think he thought I was going to give him some piece of bad news or something. Instead, I said something nice (for once, lol). “I am just so glad I met you.” Then I smiled. I really, really meant it. He then gave me some news I had been waiting to hear since I met him. :) We hugged and he was off. I love, love, love you, baby……. After he left, I drifted off to dream land and dreamt of the wonderful life DB and I are going to have together.

Saturday was spent running errands and emptying out my storage facility (Well, most of the unit, not everything….). I rested afterwards preparing myself to be out late watching DB’s 3rd band perform (this is the first time I was going to see the Love Cats!) The Bunny’s man was away for the weekend and since DB’s band was playing near her house, I told her to stop by (I know, I know. I’m asking for trouble and I am opening the door to be hurt again. Don’t worry, I know what I am doing Kids….) I figured the worse case scenario is we have one fun night out and that would be that. Our e-mails and text messages have been very nice and we had gotten together the Monday night prior for drinks and dinner and things went well. We decided to meet at Rick’s at 9. When I got there it was like a small reunion – everyone (regulars included) saying hello and hugs all around. I sssooo don’t miss that place. I found The Bunny in the mix of the madness and we made out way to end of the bar. I spotted my boy and he came and said hello. Before we knew it, we had seats at the end of the bar, the Owners showed up and bought us a round and the band started. The band was actually a lot better than I thought it was going to be and we wound up having a really great time. The Bunny’s ex (shitbag) showed up and wanted to start a fight with me. No clue why, so when The Bunny mentioned how he wanted to tell me to go F myself, I figured I would pave the way for him. So, being me, I tapped him on the shoulder and whispered in his ear, “Hey Stemps, I own a vibrator. I F myself every night.” LOL. What a loser. They’ve been broken up for years, this guy really needs to let sh** go already. The night carries on and we have a good time. Before I know it, it’s time to go. DB was worried about The Bunny driving home – we tried to get her keys, but she seemed OK to drive. We decided to follow her to her place. We missed the light and she headed on ahead of us. The next thing I know, she’s calling my cell, she was in an accident. The rest of the evening went by very fast and we did our best to help The Bunny out of a bad situation. I sobered up damn quick and I felt like her mom. She scared the crap out of me, I was just so glad she wasn’t hurt. Things surrounding the accident got f’d up, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

I spent Sunday resting and helping Mama Dukes out around the house since she is STILL sick. (She’s had this weird cold for weeks now). DB fell asleep and wasn’t able to come over, so it was another day to add to the list of days we didn’t see one another since the day we met (I am happy to say I think I can count those days on one hand…)

Since the accident, I’ve spoken to The Bunny every day. Partly to make sure she’s OK and partly because it does feel nice to have her back in my life. After Saturday night, I thought maybe he would be a little scared of me – and of me having The Bunny back in my life, but he was really cool about it. And, I think he sees what I see in her. A scared little girl who just wants to be loved.

Monday AM, DB called to meet me for lunch and we had a nice meal at my favorite little place in P.R. Then last night he came over and we hung out with my mom for a little while and then watched a little Howard T.V. before I passed out. It’s so weird, but he already fits in my life and my family. It was weird to sit and look at pictures while drinking a beer with Mama Dukes, but at the same time it felt right. I hope everything we talked about Friday is real and things go as planned…… I don’t think I have ever been this happy in my life.

So, work. It sucks. It’s busy and I don’t feel I am being compensated for my talents. I was refused my raise – the boss wouldn’t even take it to the higher ups. So, I’ve started seriously looking for something else. Why should I have to work 2 jobs at my age and with my education and experience background? That’s just B.S. I hope something comes through ASAP. Then, of course, the money will magically appear and be offered to me, but at this point, enough is enough.

So, not sure if I mentioned that I tried to “make peace” with Blade at work. Just because we work together…. I figured it was best. This was well over a week ago. She said, “I’m not ready to speak to you, but when I am, we will talk.” Is she kidding me? So, we ignored one another since. Yesterday when I got back from lunch with DB, I ran into her and “the lunch group” and RG actually wanted to wait for a second elevator. Blade was like, “No, this is fine,” and they all jumped in with me. Are they kidding me?? So today I had to walk near Blade’s desk and she waved hello. I assumed there was someone behind me. I walked by again minutes later and she jumps out in front of me and says hello. Weird. People are just plain weird.

Psycho update on The OC. One of the last things she said to me was, “Anything we spoke about in confidence will be kept as such.” I get an e-mail from my co-worker today, “Did you tell The OC about such and such?” Without getting into too much detail, we did talk about it – all speculation. Then the co-worker told me it was a true rumor and I kept my mouth shut about it. Apparently, The OC called her over the weekend and told her I had given her all the details on it. I’m starting to get a little frightened to walk to my car alone at night. She is whacked out! Not to mention I haven’t said a word about the crazy a** sh** she has told me in private. What a psycho!!!!!!

This weekend I am attempting at playing Matchmaker for two good friends. :) I’ll let you all know how it goes……..

OK, I seriously need to get some work done. Peace out bitches. 10-4 over and out.

Someone Took Their Crazy Pill Today....

2006-11-02T11:44:00.000-05:00

Ok, seriously, how many times do you need to ask someone to leave you alone before they take the actual f***ing hint to leave you alone?
Latest OC rendition (She forwarded the e-mail she sent to my co-worker - I think I mentioned this earlier) Scroll down as this top e-mail was my latest response (there is only so much crap you can take from someone!!):

-----Original Message-----
From: Bethany
Sent: Thursday, November 02, 2006 11:33 AM
To: 'The OC'
Subject: RE: I emailed RG....see attached

Donna - GO TO HELL! LEAVE ME ALONE! how many more times do I need to ask you to not contact me again?

DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN! Leave me alone! This is over and I NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN. Please delete my e-mail you crazy b*tch!

START HERE
-----Original Message-----
From: The OC [mailto: TheOC@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, November 02, 2006 11:31 AM
To: Bethany
Subject: I emailed RG....see attached

Your a liar Bethany, RG told me I should check out my facts!!!!! And your telling me I am sick???? Did you make up all that stuff about Rhonda bad mouthing me??? It seems you did.

here is RG's response to my email!!!

From: "RG" Add to
Address Book Add Mobile Alert
To: "The OC"
Subject:
Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 17:42:50 -0500

Got your e-mail today. Not really interested in
going back and forth with you, but before you go off
on someone you should get your facts straight! In any
case, I am deleting you from my e-mail - good luck to
you.

--- "The OC" wrote:

Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 07:17:19 -0800 (PST)
From: "Donna M. OConnor"
Subject: FYI
To: RG@Directmail.com

RG,

Beth told me today that she told you that she told me all the rotten things you said to her and Lisa P about me. I can't accept the fact that you pretended to
be my friend when I was at Walter Karl and even after I left. I was shocked and hurt by the things she told me you said about me. YOu are 2 faced and fake and you
and I are not friends any more. I was only nice to you and your friend and I didn't deserve this.

God Bless you,
The OC

Holy crap - can we say crazy?? This bitch is just unwilling to let this sh*t go. I think, by now, it's obvious I DO NOT want to have any kind of relationship with her. Why can't she take the hint and let it go already!?! Does anyone have an experience with CRAZY?? Help!

Happy Halloween..... On 11/1. :)

2006-11-01T12:59:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... Happy Hump Day. Yesterday came and went so fast and it's one of my 4 favorite days of the year (St. Patty's Day, Christmas, my B-Day, and Halloween). I feel so sad that I didn't really do anything to celebrate and I didn't even dress up. :( It's just been a down week. I mean, I don't feel down, I guess I'm just a little sad that people suck. (See below post). I'm not so much sad that I won't be friends with this person anymore (she was treating me like crap), it's more the fact that I was let down by yet another person. People suck. What makes matters worse is that about 6 weeks back, I got into an argument with The OC because she misread an e-mail I sent her and flew off the handle. I responded by telling her to calm down - re-read the e-mail - and stop blaming me for something I didn't do. She responded with a very nasty, very hurtful e-mail that was basically trying to psycho analyze me. I let it go and move on. Over the weekend I sent her a simple e-mail asking her if she would like some books she lent me back. Yesterday I get a response reiterating the same hurtful and nasty comments she had said before. All I wanted to know is if she wanted her damn books back. I tried not to go back at her, but she insisting on e-mailing me not once, not twice, but 3 times. I'd had it. She mentioned how I never apologized and she had. So, I apologized in Bethany fashion:
"Typical OC - over analyze what you read in the e-mail and fly off the handle.
You want an apology? Here's your apology... I'm sorry you are crazy and you are taking your miserable life out on everyone around you. I thought I would be nice and get your books back to you, but you need serious mental help. Keep the Powerpoint book and take care - I will donate your books to the library. I have enough crazy in my life and having one less makes my life A LOT easier.
Maybe you should go back to see a shrink, you have severe abandonment issues and paranoia. You really fooled me."
I was tired of being attacked by her and being accused of doing something I didn't do. I'd had enough. My words were mean, but I just wanted to e-mail attack to end.
Then I started to get sad. Not one, but two of my supposed good friends treated me like crap. I started to wonder if it was me. My mom says I am a psyco magnet. Maybe she's right. The OC responded to this e-mail with the following:
"Wow, who is the psycho here??? Goodbye! Take your own advice and join AA and SAA before you hurt someone seriously!!!!"
Ummmmm, OK. So I drink. So I have sex with my boyfriend. This coming from someone who sells pot and smokes up and is unemployed at the age of 50? When I am going to realize I can't "fix" people or help people who don't want to be helped? I deleted her last e-mail as I just didn't want to go back and forth with her any longer. For me, it was done.
This morning I come in to the SAME exact e-mail in my inbox. She had forwarded it back to me AGAIN. I responded to her because I was annoyed she just couldn't let this drop:
"You felt the need to forward this to me again? God OC, do you EVER give up??Apparently not. Let it go already! You really are SICK!"
She writes back shortly after:
"Yes, I sent it again because I wasn't sure you got it, nope I am not sick, just shocked at how you fooled me and how spiteful and how fake you are."
Is it me or does this pretty much just prove how insane she is? Oh and when we were friends, she used to tell me all the time how she didn't like this one woman we worked with (but pretended to be friends with her.) She e-mails this woman yesterday and tells her I talked about her all the time. Then this woman gets in MY face at work. Am I wrong in thinking OC is a fucking nut job??

On to the good news.... Friday night DB and I celebrated our 2 month anniversary. I can't believe it's only been 2 months (it feels like I've known him my whole life). I maybe (he jury is still out) celebrated a little too hard.... Something I am not comfortable with having done and do not intend to do again. DB wasn't too happy with the fact that I passed out afterwards, so we really had no time alone to celebrate. :( We hung out Saturday and Sunday night though and we are more in love each time we see each other. I know his concern comes from how much he cares for me and it feels good to be loved by someone so special. I know, I know, cold hearted Bethany is turning into a big, friggin' mush. Get used to it, Bethany is in love. :)

10-4 over and out.

Punching Bag No Longer......

2006-10-29T12:38:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... A few posts back I mentioned how irritated I was with a certain friend. Well, Friday afternoon I had it. So I decided to e-mail her and tell her that I don't appreciate being treated like a punching bag. The e-mail was concise and to the point and was no where near a "we will never be friends again." Her response? "I am not even going to go back & forth with you on this." Is it me, or does this pretty much tell you that what I'd written must have hit home? Flash forward to Sunday where (and this is so gay) she moved me out of her top 8 friends on MySpace. So I deleted her. I don't intend on being treated like crap by someone like her again. I talked to the Cowgirl about this Friday night and she was like, "Wait.... This person is 41 years old and she's acting like this??" Yes, Kids, can we say grow up already? This morning I popped on there (It's now Monday AM) to check something out for DB and I see her sister has "gotten even" with me and deleted me from her MySpace. Ouch. Score one for blood being thicker than water. LOL. I'm really living my life through MySpace, LOL. I feel so much better knowing that when I go to work today, I won't be yelled at for something I didn't do or listening to her weekend recap about how some other guy (some much younger guy she met through MySpace) treated her like crap. I feel so much better knowing I don't have to feel like crap while I am at work. :) 10-4 over and out.

Update.....

2006-10-26T15:37:00.000-05:00

I called the vet and they think Mr. Mason might have a Urinary Tract Infection that is common in male cats. They tend to pee where you will find it to let you know something is wrong.

This f***er better be sick. Or I am going to make him sick. Bastard-o.
I'll keep ya'll posted. 10-4 over and out.

Pound Bound

2006-10-26T09:02:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... So, after so many washings, my comforter shrunk a little. Yesterday I recieved a Bed, Beth & Beyond coupon in the mail. So I decided to go buy a new comforter. It took me an hour to pick out the perfect comforter and to come to terms with spending over $100 on what is basically, a blanket. I finally picked out this beautiful greenish comforter with stripes. It wasn't exactly what I wanted (I wanted blue), but it was nice and it was over a 300 thread count. It was soft and I could see me and DB collapsing and staying warm under this blanket.

I get the comforter home and unwrap it and put it on my bed. DB called, he was on his way over :). I brushed my teeth and headed back into my room. I see Mr. Mason sitting on top of my new comforter. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHAT....... ARE......... YOU..........??" I run over to the bed. And there is Mr. Mason, standing in a huge puddle of cat urine. ON THE NEW COMFORTER. On my quilt that I NEVER use (but had to because he peed on everything the night before). On my EXPENSIVE ASS sheets. On my mattress pad. Everything is splashed with cat urine. I grab him and proceed to throw him down into the basement. Once again, I had to strip the bed. This time I had NO blanket to sleep with because everything else was being washed. (Eventually Mama Dukes found me a quilt). My new comforter sat on the living room floor the whole night as I bought a King Sized comforter and it doesn't fit in the washing machine....

DB shows up and I am sure got an eyefull of our future together as I yelled at the cat and the dogs... He tried to comfort me, but there really is no comforting when you know your only option is to get rid of your pet. :( Wish me luck on getting through this. :(

10-4 over and out.

Anyone Want a Mangy Cat?

2006-10-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids, Porn Stars and pet owners.... Happy Hump Day. As you may know, I live at home with my mommy, LOL, and with me came 2 dogs and the kitty I adopted with The Bunny when we lived together. This cat has been a thorn in my side since we adopted him. She didn't want him when she left and I felt bad giving him back to the pound as we accepted responsibility for him. Leighbug was cool with cats, so he moved with me to the second apartment. When I moved home, he had to come with me too. He's been a biter since I got him and has always been fairly nasty, but he makes up for it when he's loving (sometimes he is actually really cute!) He peed in the house once when I lived with The Bunny - he marked his territory when my apartment was "infested" with squirrels. Then when I moved in with Leighbug he peed and pooped on her bed. Then one time I caught him peeing on the rug in my old place, but I chocked it up to the fact that his litter box wasn't as clean as he would like it to be.

Fast forward to this last week.... I had the fun of coming home to a smelly bedroom (mmm, my favorite). I assumed it was the dogs as it is time for them to be groomed. Nope. In the back of my mind I knew it wasn't dog pee smell. I searched and searched and found nothing. I changed the litter box. Still smells. I sprayed my whole bed with Febreeze. I could still smell it. I finally gave up and figured maybe he peed on himself and maybe HE smelled. I was attempting to fall asleep with this cat smell in my nostrils. I was uncomfortable so I rolled over onto what is normally DB's spot in the bed and put my foot in a big WET SPOT. And not the GOOD KIND of wet spot. I immediately pull back the covers and see a HUGE FREAKIN wet spot on the bed. I put my nose close. Yup, found the cat pee smell (and yes, it was the cat because the dogs can't get up on the bed.) At this point it's 1 AM. I strip the bed and throw everything in the wash. I yelled at the cat and that was the end of it.

Last night I am folding laundry and hanging in my room with the kitty and the pups. I look over at Mason and he is looking right at me. I see him jump up and start to shake is paw off. HE HAD JUST PISSED AGAIN ON MY BED! I immediately smacked his butt as he flew off the bed and hid underneath. I hadn't put the mattress pad back on since the last time, so the urine went straight down to the F***ing mattress. I kept yelling at him and told my mom to take him to the pound first thing today. Everything is - again - being washed, but this is damn annoying. The bastard is declawed, so I can't put him outside. My mom doesn't want white hair everywhere so he has to stay in my room.... Mason fights with Mama Dukes cat and her cat litter box is in the basement, so I can't put Mason in the basement. I am at my wits end with this cat and I don't know what to do with him.

I read online today that cats pee on your bed when they are mad at you or jealous. The first time he peed it was on DB's side. This time, my bed smelled of his cologne or shampoo/body wash. Is this possible? Is this little prick jealous or mad about something?

He is SO out of the family Christmas card this year. Bastard.

10-4 over and out.

Is It a Kernel of Truth, or Jealousy?

2006-10-24T12:16:00.000-05:00

G'Afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... It's been a while since I really, really bitched about something or was genuinely PO'd. Well, all good things come to those who wait, I guess. People really piss me off. I have this friend who I won't name here. I know she doesn't read this, but still, I will keep her name to myself (if you really need to know her name, drop me a line). This aggravation with her has been a long time coming. I mean, we had a "falling out" once before (see this old post) and she apologized, but I never really fully accepted the apology (I know, this is my issue). One of the first times I ever really went out with her, she said, "I don't really have a lot of good girlfriends." I should have taken that as a hint, but I remembered back to the time when I wasn't surrounded by the great group of girls I have now - and I love all of them :). After that night, we became fairly close and after The OC was canned, I started having lunch with her and her "group." At first it was fun - we all busted on one another while we got to know each other and we became a regular group - having lunch together every day. Here and there, I would get attitude about wanting to go out with others or wanting to work through lunch. Then I the falling out occurred and I was just getting generally tired of having lunch with them. When I tried to "break ties" from eating with them every day, I was welcomed with attitude and, "Why don't you WANT to eat with us??" So, I continued - even though one of the people at lunch irked me (not the person in question - this other woman who had such a high opinion of herself and down talked my friend The OC. I didn't like her talking about my buddy, so I had enough. However, I got through it and continued to eat lunch with them... I digress.) Now, since I started sitting with them at lunch, they (the girlfriend and this guy we eat with) would say things like, "You're a pity invite. We really don't want you eating with us." And I would say, "That's fine by me, just stop coming by my desk every day at 1 to 'pick me up' and we won't have a problem. And please stop e-mailing me all morning to find out if I am 'still coming' to lunch." Then they would laugh and think that their joke was the best thing since sliced bread. After about 2-3 months of this, it's getting REALLY old. Now, when I hang out with this person outside of work, something usually happens that becomes "a story" that gets passed around the office. And every time there is a story, she puts a negative spin on it that puts me in a "bad light" if you will. (i.e. - When we went to the city to see a show and the people behind me were being rude, she told everyone how I "started a huge fight in the middle of a comedy club." This is so far from the truth. Two weekends ago, we went to another comedy club and my co-worker CT came and sat with us (it was to support a fellow co-worker). She starts telling a story about how I accused her of being a brown noser when she first started. I NEVER said that. I told her a certain other person (VSP) said that about her. So I spoke up and she got all defensive. I don't get why she insists on trying to make me look bad. It's frustrating and annoying and I am getting really sick and tired of it. Everyone who knows me, knows I bust balls. ALL THE TIME. This is my schtick - if you will. It always seems as though everyone at the table busts on her. However, I am usually the only one she gets pissy with. Which is (again) aggravating and frustrating. Then last week, I got attitude because I didn't call her or e-mail her when I was home sick. (I need to keep her abreast of my schedule now? What happened to friends calling friends to see if their OK when they don't show up to work??) Meanwhile, the day BEFORE I was sick she was nasty and bitchy to me again. Why would I want to call or e-mail her? Then when I came back to work, she asks me, "Why are you so quiet lately? Is it because you're fighting with DB? That's what I assumed." Why would she assume I am fighting with DB?? And I not the kind of person to take it out on others - why can't she see that I am just sick and tired of being her punching bag?? ARGH!

Then today, she e-mails me (as usual), "Are you coming to lunch today?" I had nothing better to do and it's cold outside, so I said, "Sure, why not?" Sure enough, around 1 she comes by and says, "Are you coming," as she passes my desk. I respond, "Yep," as I realize she is going to the front desk to drop something off. So I wait. And wait. She didn't come back. So I get my wallet and go into the hallway. They are no where to be found. So I figure, "F it, if they can't wait, I'll do something else." So I go to the cafe, get something to eat and head back upstairs. My cell rings. It's her. She leaves a VM, "Uh, why did you go upstairs? We are waiting for you downstairs." Ummmmm, OK. Every time we've eaten together we've always gone down together, all of sudden they disappear and I am supposed to go running around looking for them? So not worth it. And now that I've vented, I am so done with this. And being that all this shit is a culmination of her and her behavior, I think I might be done with her.

Best.Weekend.EVER!

2006-10-23T11:30:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday! So, I guess I need to learn the art of privacy when it comes to romantic relationships. Some things are best left between two partners and I need to respect DB's privacy and not post every last little detail here.

Let me start off by staying that my last post was because DB found this blog as well as my old one and wasn't happy about my "partying" ways. It was a big to do that turned into being the absolute best thing that could have happened for us. It has definitely brought us closer together and I don't regret any of it. So, for now, I will continue on with my blog and make sure to hold other people's privacy in tact.

Friday night - Rushed home after work to get ready for our night out. He showed up a little late, but with a dozen white roses in hand. He was dressed up and looking quite handsome. He took me to dinner at this quaint, romantic Italian place in Jersey. We enjoyed our appetizer, dinner, and wine. We talked through some things. We fought a little :). We enjoyed one another. After that we left and spent a wonderful evening together talking and really listening to one another.

Saturday - Woke up and went to breakfast together.... It was nice to spend the whole night together and wake up together for the first time. After breakfast, we headed back to my house and chatted with Mama Dukes for a while. It already feels like he is part of the family. We napped together while watching t.v. and then we each needed to get on with our other plans for the day. I headed up to Kel-Kel's for my second Fantasia Party and him to his wedding gig. Kel-Kel and I had some great girl talk before anyone showed up and we set up her place for the party. Our girl Carrie called and we chatted her up for a bit. People started showing up - Erica is having twins!!!!!! and the party was underway. By the end of the night, I was very tired and the sales were not what I had hoped or expected :( I think I am giving up on this whole Fantasia idea. It's more trouble than it's worth.... LOL. It was good to see Erica and AJ though :) Kel-Kel was yawning, so she was lucky no one took her up on her movie night afterwards.... I left and was home early enough to get a nap before DB showed up. He called around 1 AM and woke me.... Then I fell back to sleep and the next thing I knew, he was knocking on my window to wake me. He came in and we fell asleep together - so happy to see each other again. :) He left a few hours later and I HATED to see him go...... :(

Sunday - Woke up around 1:30 to Mama Dukes calling. I had tog et up and get dressed as we were going to meet Hillary Clinton at 4:30 :)! If you live in Jersey, you know that Bob Menendez is running for Senator.... Hillary is a big fan of his and we need to get this country back to being run by a Democrat. I live in NY, but I really wanted to see Hillary speak live. She was an awesome speaker!!! She was very motivating and almost brought me to tears. I was thrilled to hear her ideas and she just got me totally motivated to get out and vote 11/7. Mama Dukes got to shake her hand... Her BFF told her to run for president, but it's looking more and more like Obama with be the Democrat hopeful. I'd still love to see a woman run this country. After the rally, we headed to the diner for some eats and then I headed home to nap. It was a long day, LOL, and DB was going to be coming over. When he got there, we just watched a movie and relaxed.

This was really the best weekend ever. 10-4 over and out.

I Think it's Time to End This Blog......

2006-10-19T15:45:00.000-05:00

It seems to be more trouble than it's worth - gives people the wrong impression of me - and it leaves a mark in time of things I've done (Which gives people the wrong impression of me). I am so sick and so frustrated right now. I feel violated, aggravated, annoyed, hurt.... I can't even begin to describe the what I am feeling right now because I am feeling so many different things. I am so hurt and disgusted, I could really just scream.

I think I am going to leave work in 20 minutes and I am finding the nearest bar and getting drunk. Maybe some disgusting toothless guy will hit on me and I will let him take me home with him and violate me all over again. It seems to be what I do, right??? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crappy Day Turned Good....

2006-10-19T08:42:00.000-05:00

I hated waking up today because I got zero sleep last night.... I hated coming into work today because I dreaded the e-mail inbox and what would be left on my desk. I hated being me this morning. LOL.

Then I come to work - one of the first people here - and it's quiet. The inbox not too bad with the exception of the 1 or 2 nasty e-mails from the boss. Nothing much on my desk. I'm still angry.

Then it happens. I hear MM's voice. Finally some eye candy around my desk. SWEET. I quickly send an e-mail to CT - "Our BF is here. However, the butt is covered." We both quickly decide we look like crap today and we are annoyed because had we known, we would've done our hair today. LOL. It's cute because he's taken and she's married. Me? I don't know what I am, LOL. Especially since I have not heard from DB. According to PPPE, I am a homewrecker - maybe I should start acting like one and pretend to have computer issues so MM needs to sit by my desk. LOL. I may look tired and crappy, but I still smell good and I'm funny. LOL. Not. Well, at least it's one small thing to brighten my day. 10-4 over and out.

The Great Wall of China....

2006-10-18T17:14:00.000-05:00

Yep, that's my emotional wall and it's so back up right now. ARGH! DB frustrates me... He ignored my response e-mail to him this afternoon, then blows off stopping by like he said he would, then doesn't answer his cell phone when I call him. All this because I said I was sad I wouldn't be seing him for 3 days. What a jerk! I left him a bitchy voice mail (in pure Bethany fashion, lol) and now I'm quite miffed. I'm out.

Poop.

2006-10-18T11:15:00.000-05:00

I am home sick and I am SSSOOO tired and SSSOOO cranky. Boo, I stink. T.V. isn't even fun today. I think the rain is making me blue. That or the fact that I am supposed to "be confident" in my relationship with DB when I won't be seeing him for 3 days. We couldn't get together last night, tonight he is going into the city with his friend and tomorrow he has to work (and I might have plans...) When I expressed my sadness for not being able to see him, he tells me I need to be more confident in our relationship. WTF? It's not a confidence thing - it's a "I'm sad I'm not going to see you for 3 whole days thing." The absolute longest we've been apart since we met is 2 days. What's next, a whole week :(? (That had better NOT happen because I think that would cause a HUGE problem for us... But, I'm not going to get ahead of myself just yet, LOL). Long story short, I am annoyed he just doesn't get why I am sad and that it's not a "relationship paranoia" thing. Ugh, men are so frustrating. However, I don't answer my phone the other night and he assumes we're breaking up - and I'm the paranoid one? LOL. :) Enough about that - each of our points have been made. We have an awesome night planned for Friday which I am really looking forward to, but again, how am I going to feel Saturday morning? If I miss him this much now when I am not with him - how am I going to feel after a whole night? Why do things effect me so much? Damn I'm cranky today - I should really go back to sleep.

I had dinner with Kel-Kel last night and it was good to see her. She's always been a good listener :) and she often tells me things I need to hear. Plus I think I have a weight loss partner - we could each use one another support. Go us! She's already ahead of the game with exercising - I really need to get my a** back to the gym.... I was hoping to go today. I guess we'll see how I feel later on tonight.

I am hoping my special friend will call me - I think he's been feeling a little blue lately too. Doogs, I miss you.... E-mails aren't enough! I can't wait to see you :) When the heck are you getting home already - geez?!? LOL. Big hugs to you....

I'm off - I think I am going to pop in a DVD and chill. TNT afternoon dramas are just not doing it for me. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Wasn't Fantasia Supposed to be Fun??

2006-10-17T09:08:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Bethany is a little annoyed today. Actually, I've been annoyed for a while now, but today put me slightly over the edge. My P/T gig that was supposed to be more fun than work is really starting to grate on my nerves. This was supposed to be a way for me to make extra money for my future house - while still having fun and selling something I believe in and enjoy.

When Midge and I went to the sales rally, we both felt like we were pressured into signing up - even without our "Five Parties" that we "had" to have before signing up. Midge dropped out of the running (lucky girl) and now they are harassing me to get more parties when I've only had one (and 2-3 more to come). I don't like harassing my friends to do this and I feel like I am.... I have gotten (in total) 4 e-mails and about 5 phone calls from my "managers" telling me I need to be "more in contact" with them. I told them from day one - I am not a phone person. Especially when these two bitches like to talk and are trying to be my "friend." I don't want to be friends - this is business. A few days ago, I called to check in and I was told (AND I QUOTE!!!) "We were wondering why you don't return calls that quickly - I mean, you don't have children or grand children - so we were a little surprised." WTF? Who are they to criticize or past judgment on what I do with my free time?? No, I don't have kids, BUT I DO HAVE A F***ing life. So this morning, I e-mailed one of them a question. A yes or no answer was expected back. Instead I get this long lecturing e-mail from her telling me to CALL (yes in CAPS!) them more often - especially after my party this weekend. I am thoroughly annoyed and contemplating my response to them now. I don't want to be nasty, but I have been nice long enough. Time to whip out some Bethany on their a**. ARGH!

10-4 over and out.

Pancakes Anyone? LOL

2006-10-16T09:02:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday. What a wonderful and terrific weekend it was. I, of course, got to see my DB. After work Friday, I rushed home to get ready for the concert we planned on attending. I knew I wasn't going to have time to talk to Mama Dukes, so I left her a note. We had some things we needed to talk about because things just aren't good at home these days. DB was right on time and we headed out around 6PM. We were both under the impression that the concert was at MSG, but it was at Giants Stadium. We fought some traffic on the way down and stopped for a quick bite to eat. I felt better once I talked things out with him about Mama Dukes. :) Just seeing him made me feel better. When we got to the stadium, we walked like cattle over, bought some drinkies, and settled into our seats. The opening band wasn't my thing, but I have an open minded. :) We sat hand in hand and took everything in... We poked fun of some of our surroundings and I finally got to see what one of his favorites bands was all about. I really can't see him at a Kelly Clarkson concert for me though. LOL. At the end of the show, we ran into this really heavy guy that was seated a few rows behind us. He had poked fun of him in the beginning of the night and thought it would be funny to push me into his "butt up front" as we were leaving. This is what I grabbed:

I wanted to kill DB, but in the long run, it was pretty funny. After the show, we headed over to the OL and caught a few songs by Chubb Rock and a few drinkies. Then we headed back to my place where I found a "response" from Mama Dukes. He comforted me and we relaxed for as long as time would allow.

Saturday I spent the day recovering from being out so late with The Boy the night before. I relaxed, cleaned, watched some tube and counted down the hours until I would see DB again. Around 8, I headed out to Vin D's Comedy show in Westchester. I was supposed to meet up with Blade, LC, and a few others from work. The bar the show was at was way too small for all the people who came. We could barely hear the show and fights ensued, but anything for a good story, right? LOL. (I didn't pick any fights this time - LOL! Although I did back up my girlies.) As soon as we paid our check, we flew out of there. Just as I was getting into my car, DB called - his gig was done. We decided to meet up at a bar in Congers where his friend's band was playing. It was nice to seem him.... We enjoyed the band and chatted with his best buddy R (who had e-mailed me earlier that day that I was taking up too much of DB's time.... Oooops.) I got to see the infamous "Pancakes" play on his home made guitar and I made a new MySpace friend. :) Around 2 he wanted to head back to my place and R was a little sad to see us go, lol. I fell asleep on my boy and we cuddled for a bit and then he was gone. Match.com boy and GSB both called me while were out. I felt bad that they called, but part of me was feeling like I should take the calls given my situation with DB. I didn't though. And I feel good about my decision.

Sunday I woke up early and took frequent naps. I love not having to work on the weekends... Don't know how long that will last, so I am soaking it up now. I made the mistake of posting the picture I took below of DB and myself on MySpace and he was a little worried and asked me to take it down. In case you all haven't figured it out yet, he has a small situation going on and his privacy is very important to him. I got a little upset by his request and removed all references to him. Then he got mad that I was upset.... Silly. My cell phone wasn't working at around 10:30 ish and he tried calling me - twice - and the calls weren't coming through so he thought I was really pissed at him. LOL. Around 12:30 I got a VM indicator and called him back. He came over shortly after and we talked and hugged and realized that we are both really in love with one another, but things just seem so complicated. I was happy he came by and I am (once again) counting down the minutes until I see him again. We have Friday night planned out - it will be our first night spending the night together.... I am totally excited and I can't wait for Friday to be here. Then again, I am scared as to how I will feel Saturday morning when the night is over. I am so sad when I am not with him. :(

****This just in. I received an e-mail back from "B's" brother.
"It was a softball collision. He is doing better. He'll be fine." That's all I get after 3 years. How nice.

Anywho, I guess I should get some work done. The boss is out of the office and I am helping to hold down the fort. I guess since I am getting paid to be here, I might as well do something (that and the fact that I have a TON of work piling up. Hmmmm, lol).... LOL. 10-4 over and out.

We Are Too Cute...............

2006-10-15T10:07:00.000-05:00

Aren't we just THE cutest thing?? This is us at the (my first of more to come, I think) Iron Maiden concert. I heart DB. ;)

I Was Right.....

2006-10-13T14:15:00.000-05:00

My theory has always been, what goes up, must come down. Life is a roller coaster, yadda yadda. That's always been my thing when I have a bad day or when a friend is having a bad moment. My roller coaster was flying high for quite some time, but all good things must come to an end. This has been SUCH a crappy week :(. I think it will all gett better tonight when I see DB though. :) I guess my roller coaster hit bottom, but it seems to be going back up.... Just a few more hours until I spend the whole evening adoring my boy. I can't wait to get the heck out of work and get a drink and frolick in Manhattan with DB. LOL.

P.S. - Anyone know of any good apartments in my ara that allow dogs and that are affordable?? With everything going on with the brother, Mama Dukes is really on the last nerve. I need to move. I need my own space. ASAP.

10-4 over and out.

Is This Wrong?

2006-10-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

A-hole, AKA my brother "Briberry," has decided to go back into the military - the reserves. Is it wrong that I hope that this jackass avid Bush supporter gets sent overseas? I truly hate his greedy, pathetic ass. It's terrible that I feel this way about my own flesh and blood, but I seriously can't stand him.
He's one of those people who knows what they can say to really get to you and throws it in your face.... He latest e-mail was his favorite rendition of how my father never loved me and how I never had any relationship with him. My brother really is a piece of work. 10-4 over and out.

I'm in it for the Long Run...

2006-10-11T13:30:00.000-05:00

DB called me as soon as he woke up this morning. We had lunch together (2 hours, LOL) and things are good with us. I think I can handle this. At least for a little longer. I can't stop loving him because I fear the future. I have to learn to live and love in the here and now. Just seeing him made everything that happened yesterday seem better. I REALLY hate being this vulnerable. LOL. But, I like being in love with DB.

I Want the Fairytale....

2006-10-11T08:51:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars. Yesterday was a bad day all around. My morning started off with The OC picking a fight with me for no reason. She was let go from my company back at the end of June and has been without work since. She had one job offer about a month ago - worked one day and quit because it wasn't what she expected. I've been trying my best to help her find a job and keeping my eyes and ears open for anything that comes up that might be good for her. So, I was completely thrilled when she was hired last week for a really decent company. She was due to start this past Monday. Tuesday came and I e-mailed her inquiring how it went (she was off that day). Her e-mail back to me said that she was afraid to be honest with me for fear I would judge her. I asked, "Did you quit?" She said no, but she was being screwed by the girl who she will be replacing. I said, "What? How are you being screwed on the first day? What did she do?" She then calls me and rips into me about how dare I judge her and this is exactly what she was afraid of, etc. etc. Excuse me? How am I judging her because I was inquiring as to what happened?? I wound up just saying, "When you calm down, call me back." And I hung up on her. I let it go and didn't think about it for the rest of the day.

I get home to find a nasty e-mail from the brother.... It was one of his usuals - threatening me. I responded, calling him a child and to calm the f down. I also took this time to mentioned that he needs to keep his comments about me to himself and not try to control my mothers thoughts. I get a response not too long after saying that my mother has lied to me - he never said anything to her about me. Interesting.

Then the whole thing went down with my Kel-Kel. I don't think she intentionally hurt me - she never would and I know that. I just really hate when people lie and make up stories about me to make themselves look better (not Kel-Kel, just want to make this clear) and I really hate when my friends don't stick up for me and set the record straight. I realize she didn't think anything wrong of the situation and I am not angry with her. I am more angry at the person who caused all this nonsense and I wish he would just 'fess up and tell the truth about what really happened. (You hit on me and told me how you wanted me when I was 16 and how you thought people would consider you a pervert!) The whole thing is really pathetic and a certain other person is really a master manipulator. Kudos to you D.B. (not Drummer Boy), you know how to get exactly what you want.

To top off the evening, I did not see DB - I only received an e-mail from him. In my hour of pity, I broke down and called "B." His answering machine is no longer on. I call his cell. No answer. I e-mail him and again receive his out of office. He's still out of work?? It's been 2 weeks! "B" has never missed a day of work in his career and now he's out for 2 weeks? This must be serious. Now I am really worried. So much so, I e-mailed his brother this morning to find out just what the heck is going on.

I think the thing that bothered me most about last night is that this is the first time I didn't see DB two days in a row. Then yesterday all I received was a few e-mails. I'm starting to wonder about this situation. It's starting to weigh on me emotionally.... and physically. Is it so wrong for me to want the fairytale? I see all these other couples around me - spending the night with one another, doing double dates, practically living with one another. All DB and I have are a few stolen moments together here and there and I am just not sure I am up to the challenge. Relationships shouldn't be this hard - romantic ones or others. I love him - with all my heart, but I just don't know if I can do this. 10-4 over and out.

Setting the Record Straight....

2006-10-10T19:47:00.000-05:00

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars.... In the last few months I have been annoyed and irritated a lot more often than I care to be. Maybe I should just cut people off because it seems to create more problems then they are worth.

I am going to say this once - loud and clear and in writing - and then I never want to be questioned on it again. Or called a liar.
Maggie Sue got married nearly two months ago. I spent days preparing to look good - for my man (at the time) "B." All I wanted was to look good on his arm, to have a great night with him, enjoy myself at the wedding and see my girls. I did not ask to be hit on, but I was. And it pissed "B" off, but it was done. I did not, repeat DID NOT ask to be hit on or doing the hitting. Did I give a certain person my phone number? Yes. Because he asked to keep in touch. That was all it was. Did it make me feel good to find out that a guy I had a crush on in high school had a huge crush on me too? Yes. Was I going to act on it? No. Did I ask his brother to come up to me and tell me how beautiful I looked and say, "Shit, my wife is coming."? No, I didn't. But some how, sure enough, I come off looking like the whore again and I did absolutely nothing. Seriously, people need to get off their high freaking horses.

I am really tired of having a 3rd party unknowingly stir things up. All I was trying to do was to do something nice - and again I get pooped on. I am so done with people. 10-4 over and out.

I've Fallen and I Can't.....

2006-10-09T15:54:00.000-05:00

OK Kids, so as I mentioned in my last post, I fell yesterday. Pretty dumb move and it was damn embarrassing. I laughed at myself and Kel-Kel and Bucky enjoyed it as well. I was removing things from my storage facility and lost my footing on a weird lip/crack on the sidewalk ramp thing they have outside as I was pulling a chair down on a dolly. The way my foot landed on this crack, my foot turned on it's side (I do this a lot, LOL, usually when drunk) and I went crashing down. I landed flat on my back. My butt hurt and my ankle hurt a little. I thought nothing of it, shook it off and we kept moving.

Today, my back hurts. My neck hurts. My ankle and the side of my foot hurts. I have a pounding migraine. I am groggy and completely out of it. I go to lunch with my normal crew and they scared the crap out of me. "It could be a concussion - you should go to the ER AND you should sue!," they said to me. I said, "I just want to sleep." "No, don't sleep - you might never wake up again!," they replied..

I am about to poop myself and Mama Dukes is in Florida. :( 10-4 over and out.

I Like to Dip Them in a Parafin Wax....

2006-10-09T08:11:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... TGIF. I am happy to say I am working from home today (yea!) Mama Dukes left for Florida yesterday (YEA again - she's been getting on the last nerve lately with all this Briberry - the brother - sh*t going on) so I had to be home while the floor people install her new bedroom flooring.
I really should have just taken the day off because I am ssoo exhausted. However, it's our "busy time" and I can't afford to be out of the office this week or next. Argh, I hate my job, lol.
So, I have been neglecting my blog this past week because exhaustion has set in beyond my control. I am so tired I can't even fathom sleeping. Last weekend my Fantasia Party was cancelled due to so many last minute cancellations. However it's been rescheduled for tomorrow and come hell or high water, I am having the party. LOL. (I've also set up a MySpace website for my business, check, check, check it out... Bethany Fantasia) So, instead of the party last weekend, Kel-Kel, Andrea and I went to Friday's for some din-din and talk :) We hadn't seen Andrea in quite some time, so we spent the time catching up. After dinner, Andrea headed home and Kel-Kel and I headed over to The 'Burg to see my man's band play (and so she could finally meet the guy who brings such a HUGE smile to my face.) I was so excited to see him play and my Kel-Kel helped me out with trying to track down some new clients :) Kel-Kel had to awake early on Saturday AM, so we left around midnight and I rested up waiting for him to come over. :) It was a very nice night indeed.

Saturday - Woke up feeling like death. DB stopped by after his afternoon gig in my town (Town Day, LOL) and we hung out for as long as we could. I had to get ready to head into the Bronx for LC's housewarming party. He stayed too long and I was running late - I still needed to get a gift! I wound up getting to meet Blade on time and we headed over. I felt bad once we realized that so many people bailed on the party, but it was intimate and cool and we had a great time.

I am trying to recap this way too late and I can't remember everything else that happened... It's actually now Monday AM (I can't believe how fast this weekend went!!) Friday I worked from home as we had many repairs going on and Mama Dukes and AK are both in Florida visiting some family. Around 4:30 I cut out of work early (lol) and took a nap. I then headed up to Kel-Kel's for some dinner with her and Bucky (AKA RyRy - LOL. Sorry RyRy, I have to!) After dinner we headed back to their place and chatted and planned out my business cards. I had to leave around 10ish because I was supposed to see DB. I did a quick change and waited for him to call... We decided to head over to PR to see his buddies band play. We were one of about 5 people there. We didn't last that long, maybe 2 drinks. Then we headed back to my place where we hung out for a while (AKA - I passed out and he watched me sleep).

Saturday - I spent the whole day cleaning and preparing for my big shindig that evening. I had no clue who would show, all I knew is that I wanted to place to be spotless.... With 4 dogs and 2 cats, it was nearly impossible, but it was done. My house looked beautiful. I had some last minute purchases and errands to run and the booze I bought in the 24th hour (lol) proved to me a smart choice. :) The party was a success - I was a little too drunk, so next time I need to not drink. The girls had and fun and that's all that matters. DB came over after all the girls left and I, once again, passed out on him. I guess that's what happens when you drink 3/4 of a bottle of Stoli O. Ooops.

Sunday was another long day. Kel-Kel woke me up (I was awake bright and early, but went back to sleep.) We had planned on moving my stuff out of storage in the afternoon. Her sisters were unable to help, Bam-Bam (her sisters dog) bit my leg, I fell down and cracked my head and my ass, and by the end of the day we could only get the couch and chairs to her place. We need to go back another time to get the rest of the stuff. Hopefully after I recover from the fall. Yesterday the pain wasn't bad. Today I am hurting and I have a serious migraine. DB came by last night for about a 1/2 hour before work. He's too cute.

Thursday night he gave me a gift. He said the "L" word. I really do love this boy. I hurt when I don't see him. My heart actually hurts when I miss him. I told him I don't like this vulnerable side of me. :) I hope he comes by tonight. I need to get back to work now... This is my "crazy" time and since I don't feel well, it takes twice as long to get motivated to do something. I don't think OT is in my future tonight. Damn. I need a vacation. STAT. 10-4 over and out.

Flowers? For Me?

2006-09-29T17:55:00.000-05:00

That's right Kids, DB sent me flowers at work today. I REALLY love this boy!!! The card read:
"Dear Baby,
Happy one month anniversary. See you tonight!

-Me
XOXOXO"

How sweet is he????
10-4 over and out.

What Goes Up..... Stays Up.

2006-09-28T22:00:00.000-05:00

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars.... I am VERY excited and SO tired tonight. There are so many things I could/should be doing right now (i.e. preparing for my FIRST Fantasia home party that goes down tomorrow night!) However, I am so tired that all I can do is blog, LOL, as I wait for my man to come by. So, I must recap my wonderful weekend with DB before a new weekend starts....
Friday - Headed over to WP's with DB for SVU's b-day. The cop in him came out when we got to the area we'd be hanging out in (I felt so safe, LOL). We arrived a little late (due to his time constraints, LOL), but he got to meet Blade, Lore, and SVU which was nice. I was told later on that I was "not myself" at the party - I was "very subdued." We stayed for about 1 1/2 hours and then left. DB was not feeling well and we had another party we needed to stop by. We headed to Tappan and I finally got to really meet "R" his best friend. We stayed for a drink (or two) and then headed back to my place where we proceed to watch some Howard T.V. and talk :)

Saturday - Woke up early - I just can't seem to sleep much lately. I honestly don't remember what I did all day. I think I shopped with Mama Dukes and just waited around for the boy to call me. He came by around 10 and we were off to see Jackass Part 2 (Hilarious). When he arrived, he was a bottle of wine or so deep. It was cute to see him drink, but he really shouldn't have driven. We stopped for fuel and ran into his buddy "R" again. After the movie we headed back to my place and watch t.v. and relaxed (and had a few beers).

Sunday - I spent the day relaxing and the boy had to go back to work, so I didn't see him. :(

So, here we are, another Friday here and tonight is my big Sex Toy Party. A few people have dropped out. I dropped quite a few dollars on food and drink and I feel like I am not 100% prepared, but I am excited. I am hoping for some big sales and a fun time for all. Then I am heading over to the 'Burg to see my man plan in his second band. He came over last night (again - he was over Wed. night for a little while before work too) and it was two great nights in a row. I <3 my boy. Tomorrow is Lori's housewarming party, so I need to purchase a gift ASAP.

Anywho, before I get caught online, I must get going. 10-4 over and out.

"Even Your Hair Looks Fluffier...."

2006-09-22T08:30:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars - TGIF! I finally got to see my Kel-Kel the other night (Yea!) I was going through withdrawal - it had been about 2 weeks I think?? Anyway, Wed. night she came by my place and we headed out for some pizza eats. After that, we headed down to NJ for some clothing shopping and $200 later I have some nice new Fall outfits. ;) Everything fits great, which just reiterates that I am in fact losing weight. (Turns out DB is a member at PF and I think we might start working out together.... LOL) My Kel-Kel said that she has never seen me so happy - that I am probably not eating because I am in love - and that "Even (my) hair looks fluffier!" I don't think I have ever been this happy. However, due to a certain issue, I decided to accept a date with Dr.'s Office Boy. We were supposed to go out Thursday night, but when he never called, I deemed it a blessing in disguise. Then he called around 7PM and I ignored the call. I don't want to do anything to screw this up with DB.

So, last night at 8PM to see him play baseball over in the 'Burg. I was a little intimidated when I got there... I wasn't sure what to expect. However, I finally got out of the car and he came over to greet me. At first, I wasn't sure he was happy to see me, but then we started talking and I knew he was happy. :) I watched his team get spanked 25-5, LOL. Most of his team members were really nice to me and they all complimented my staying power as a fan (since it was 12 degrees last night. OK, it was 60 degrees, but I am always cold, remember? LOL). I hung in as long as I could and by the 9th inning and they only had one out and still had last licks coming up, I just couldn't take it anymore. It was nice to see him catch and play in the out field, but the cold weather was doing me in. I left around 10:45 and picked us up some beers and went back to my place. About 20 minutes later he came by and we chilled with Mama Dukes for a bit and then watched some Howard on Demand.

We wound up talking for a half hour about some thing - one being my date that never was. I felt like I needed to be honest with him. It is so nice to talk to someone who can be serious and can joke. We talked about some other serious things going on with us.... I just love talking to him.... Then kissing ensued and I just can't get enough of his kisses. Then something slipped out.... I was laying on his chest and I uttered, "I just love you." Ughhhhhh. Damn beer. He hugged me and didn't say it back, but I know what he is thinking and what he is feeling (I can't really get into it here...) I know I am moments away from hearing it out of his mouth. I think I fell asleep because the next thing I knew, he was saying to me, "I should get going.... It's late." It was 3:30AM. I walked him out and he was gone. I wish he could spend the night, but that is all in due time :).

When I got to work this morning, there was an e-mail from him saying how happy he was that we talked, how relaxed he feels in my home, asking me which uniform I prefer - the police officer or the baseball player, and telling me he will see me tonight for SVU's b-day. He passed the mom test, now it's time to meet some of the friends.... LOL.

I am SO exhausted - I am sure there is more to write, but I really just need a nap right now. I'll update you kids later. ;)

A Great Day Indeed!

2006-09-20T13:13:00.000-05:00

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... I LOVE BEING OFF FROM WORK! Last night DB stopped by before his shift <3 and we chatted for a bit. He then headed off to work knowing that today he would be coming by this morning. :) I slept well knowing this. Mama Dukes came home last night and I told her it would be an early morning for her today, LOL. Around 10AM he called (after his breakfast party with his "Crew") and he came by shortly after. Mama Dukes stuck around - she was dying to meet him. Oddly enough, they really hit it off. She left shortly after that and then he and I listened to Howard on my computer and talked about my upcoming court appearance in the afternoon. I had to be there at 12:30, so he walked me out to my car and followed me to the court house to make sure I got there OK. Lucky me to have met such a sweet guy, he got the ticket and all fines waived. :) I <3 this boy! He must rank fairly high because the DA walked in my paperwork and personally spoke to the judge. So here I sit, counting down the minutes until I see him again (hopefully tonight after I have din-din with my Kel-Kel). Mama Dukes just phoned me to say, "I really wanted to hate him because of his situation, but I absolutely LOVED him. I can see why you are so crazy about him and I can definitely see you two together." Awwwwwwwe. I really hope this one works out. I'm on cloud nine. 10-4 over and out.

Our First Fight?

2006-09-19T09:55:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Tuesday (I am off tomorrow - yea!! Not for fun reasons, but a day off from work is a great day indeed.) Actually, the morning half will be fun.... DB will be coming over after his shift to nap with me for a bit (how cute is he??)

So, last night he stopped by before his shift and we ran some errands (he brought me bottled water, too cute). After the errands, we went back to my place and talked. The talk turned into a big, deep, conversation about marriage and children and what we are both looking for and want. We aren't in 100% agreement and then he had to leave for work, so we left things open. And hour later, he called me and we talked some more. I wound up in tears as we discussed how much we are crazy for one another, how scared we both are, and what we want right now and for the future. We both hung up thinking it was over or going to be over with us, but not wanting that to be the case. We decided to leave things as they are and talk again when we see one another.... This conversation was best left as an in person conversation.
So, this morning I e-mailed him the following:
Hi..... I don't know if last night constitutes as a "fight" per se, but whatever it was, I am glad we worked through it and things are a little bit clearer now (at least when it comes to you understanding my position and that you realized I am not trying to marry you after 2 1/2 weeks - just that I would like to at one point get married to someone, LOL). Anyway, enough about that. Are you coming by again tonight?

I miss you.
Love,
me"

I didn't hear back from him and I worried. Then, I received the following e-mail from him:
"Hi girlfriend... A fight? No way lol. That was just two intelligent people that feel comfortable enough with each other to speak their minds, which is an important element of a healthy relationship. Do I sound like Dr. Phil yet? Seriously, I'm so glad that we can talk about things that matter to us. I would never want to be with anyone that I couldn't do that with. And I always want you to tell me what you're feeling, good or bad. Honestly, I was scared that you were going to make a decision about me based on what we talked about. I'm really happy that you're willing to give me a chance and to see how things go. You've become an important part of my life in a short time which says a lot. I know I'm tight lipped sometimes about things but I want you to know that I am crazy about you too! I want you to be happy and if I make you happy then I want to be there with you for the ride. OK?"

He wrote some more things, but those were REALLY private, so I will keep those to myself. ;) I am so totally head over heels for this guy, you just have no idea. I <3 DB.

Julio - where is my PBA from you??? 10-4 over and out.

Where Have All My....

2006-09-18T14:50:00.000-05:00

Commenters gone?? I've gotten no responses lately - are you people still reading me?? LOL.

10-4 over and out.

Is God Playing a Cruel Joke? LOL

2006-09-17T12:01:00.000-05:00

G'Afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... So, as I told you, I have a kidney infection. So the other day while I was at the Dr.'s office, before DB showed up, I mentioned that this guy sat down next to me and started talking to me. I saw him before he left and he told me to have a great weekend and he was off.

Turns out, he's been e-mailing me for the last few weeks on Match.com. He e-mailed me this morning and mentioned how we had already met and reminded me that I "helped" him get a sick note. Now he wants to get together - gave me his phone #. Had I cancelled my Match subscription as I planned, I never would have known. But I never got around to canceling my subscription....

How weird is this?? How cruel a joke is this?? He's Irish, in law enforcement, cute, tall, single - all the things I normally look for in a guy. Ugh....

I spent last night with DB and it was the best of the best (again). We both agreed that every time we get together that it just gets better and better and we are starting to miss one another wildly when we aren't together. I <3 him, but he isn't 100% available. What should I do?? :( I saw his band last night and I was so happy to just be watching him play. And, I resisted all temptations to drink!!

I woke up this morning to an e-mail from him, "I will be thinking about you today... All day. ;)" How adorable is he? He understood why I couldn't come to his gig today - it would just be too hard on me. I'm hoping he does a stop by tonight.

10-4 over and out.

A Thoughtful Gesture....

2006-09-16T07:09:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars... It's sssooo early this rainy Saturday morning and I am wide awake. Over the last few days I realized I might be coming down a bladder infection (Yuck!). However, Thursday night my left side started to hurt and I realized it might be my kidney's instead.... (Ouch!) When I went out with DB Thursday night we talked about it and he seemed so concerned (so cute). Friday AM it was much worse and I realized it was time to head to the Dr. So after work, off I went. It's a walk in place, so I settled into my seat and read some magazines. This guy sits down next to me and we start chatting. Turns out he's a correction officer... Totally flirting with me - tells me where he hangs out. All I could think about was DB. :) The guy finally went into the office. I look outside to check on the rain and I see a familiar car circling the lot. It pulls up to my car and slows down. It's DB. The night before I told him where my Dr.'s office was. A few minutes later he came inside. He wanted to make sure I was OK.... HOW FRIGGIN CUTE AND THOUGHTFUL IS HE??? I don't think that even in my wildest dreams about the love of my life I would have ever assumed this. He waited while I went in and got checked out (it's either a kidney infection or kidney stones - lovely) and then we just hung out for a while talking (he had to be somewhere at 9). It was nice to see him for the few short hours I did. Plus we cleared up some things and now I have a label. "Girlfriend." Awwwwwwwe, LOL. He had to go back to work that night after a 10 day vacation, so seeing him will be getting harder, I really need my own place ASAP. Getting that roomie I talked about might actually be in the works, as much as I hate to rent. Anywho, he didn't want to stop by my place that night when he was on duty because he wanted me to be rested up for his gig tonight (Saturday night) and healthy for his other gig (Sunday afternoon). Of course, if I find a roomie, I would sssooo need to stay in this area ;) for those midnight drop by's. I <3 this boy!!! 10-4 over and out.

It Just Keeps Going and Going....

2006-09-15T11:47:00.000-05:00

G'Afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Friday! So last night I spent the evening with DB again and again it was a fantastic time. I could never before imagine myself being so at ease with someone like I am with him. When something is on my mind, he can tell. And we talk about it. And there is no joking, no sarcasm, no rude comments. (I mean, we joke and have a good time, but we know when to be serious and he knows when I am being serious and doesn't hide his feelings with sarcasm).

Today is our two week anniversary of when we met/started dating. It's also two weeks since I ended things with "B." It's so scary how easily I was able to forget him and move on. Then again, how I can miss something that was never really there?

I never really knew how badly "B" had screwed me up when it came to relationships. I guess I never really fully trusted him. I never realized how dysfunctional we were. And now that I have something really fantastic, I am scared out of my mind that I will lose it. And this something I don't think I could bare to lose.

Is it possible to be best friends with someone after only 2 weeks?? And be madly, crazy about them? :) 10-4 over and out..... I am SO glad it's the weekend.

It's Great to Feel Appreciated........

2006-09-14T15:06:00.000-05:00

I just received these from a client..... The card read, "Sorry for all the stress we caused you these last two weeks, but you handled it well." How sweet is that????

How Rude, Obnoxious, Annoying is This???

2006-09-14T10:00:00.000-05:00

Today is my bosses birthday. My co-worker and I (since I started) have always gone in together on a gift because he is REALLY hard to buy for and completely LOADED and can buy himself pretty much anything he wants. This year we came up with the perfect idea. He always puts his food/drinks/etc in someone else's mini fridge. So we bought him his own this year. We were so excited about this gift and totally thought we had outdone ourselves.

He just came over to us and asked is we could return it. He doens't want it. I sh** you not.

Can you believe it??? Are poor people the only people with class? LOL.

10-4 over and out.

Butter......... Parkay.

2006-09-13T10:14:00.000-05:00

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars - Happy Hump Day! I know I haven't blogged a lot lately and when I have they were short posts and in "code." Well today I need to share some exciting news with you.... I have started a little part time venture. I am currently a part time sales rep for Fantasia Home Parties. I have several parties set up and I am currently awaiting my training kit and I need some definitive dates for my first 5 shin-digs. This past weekend, Midge and I had the opportunity to attend one of their 4 sales rallies down in NJ. Our manager sprung for dinner and a hotel room the evening before the rally. Actually let me just give you a full weekend recap.
Friday - At some point during the week I received an e-mail from PPPE, "Let's get drunk this weekend." That was all I needed, so I agreed. Friday afternoon we decided we would go out around 10PM, where was another story. After work I headed home to nap and prepare for a late evening. Nap was not accomplished. I just have not been sleeping very well lately (and for me to not be sleeping, you know something must be up!) So I got ready and picked him up and we decided on staying close to home. We headed over to Rhodes and immediately realized it was probably a mistake. There was a band playing music we didn't know and a few people we knew from H.S. enjoying some beverages. We had one drink and split. We decided it was time to head over to Ireland's. The last place we wanted to go, but there was really nothing else "close." We caught up on our going's on (I learned he has a girlfriend of 3 months - WTF??) and enjoyed some frosty beverages. DB called and was going to stop by to see me and I was pretty bombed. (Three drinks will do that to me, LOL). I was so thrilled to see him pull up. PPPE really liked him. Unfortunately for PPPE, as soon as DB and I saw each other, we wanted to leave and be alone. (To talk you piggies!!!!) I dropped him off at home and met DB at my place. We sat in his car for a few hours and talked. We had our fist "fight," if that's even what you can call it. However, I think it was just stemming from two people who wanted to just sleep, but not leave one another's company. I wound up getting in at 3 AM and crashed.

Saturday - Woke up feeling blue and tired. I wasn't sure if the tiff would carry over or if it was really just nothing serious. I messaged with my Midge to make our plans for the evening. I napped for the afternoon and packed a small bag for the evenings festivities. I picked up Midge around 6PM and we were off. It was nice to see her and catch up on what had been going on for the last week. We were the first to arrive, so we headed up to our room to unpack a little and relax momentarily while deciding on where to eat dinner. When we finally got downstairs to eat, our new boss and co-worker had arrived. So we wound up hitting a Bennigans with them. We had some yummy appetizers and drinks and then I was too full for my actual meal. Oh well. Midge and I had a rough night the night before, so we wanted to just head back to the hotel and sleep. So not what our original plan was. LOL. We were both passed out by 11PM. It was good though since we had training at 9AM the next morning.

Sunday - Woke up on time (thanks to the wake up call) and attended our training an lunch in. Learned about the new products and got to play with them :). It was nice to talk to the other sales reps and learn about the company and all the money I am going to make. The only downfall was the ass grabbing that went on when Parkay grabbed my bodacious buns - not once - TWICE! If she was cute, MAYBE it would be a different story, but EW!!!!! We got back semi early and I rested up and relaxed for my night out with DB. I don't understand how or why, but every time I am with him I feel closer and closer to him. I can tell him anything and him me. I long to hold his hand, touch his face, kiss his lips. I am so totally smitten and so in love with this boy. It can only get better (I hope). I just got back from having lunch with him and it saddened me to leave him. I crave him so badly... That's probably why I am not eating or sleeping lately. :) Wish me luck with this one!

10-4 over and out...... Find a happy place. :)

"How Are Youuuuu?"

2006-09-13T00:32:00.000-05:00

Hey Kids & Porn Stars.... Another great night with DB. I just don't think things can get any better than this. :) And now we have a few "dates" set up through October. I really think I love this boy. I just can't imagine sitting in a car, listening to Howard Stern with anyone else.

Looking forward to lunch tomorrow. I <3 you. XOXO

You'd think he read this site the way I write..... LOL. He doesn't. Maybe some day. This is why I can be completely honest here. I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, and I don't care what you think (Jerry Maguire). LOL. I can honestly say I don't think I have EVER been this happy in my entire life. I want the whole world to feel like I do right at this very moment.

10-4 over and out.

A Night To.... Scratch that. TOTALLY SMITTEN.

2006-09-11T13:14:00.000-05:00

G'Afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Yet another great night in Bethany Land. I am stuck at work right now - exhausted - and the only thing getting me through is thinking about last night. I don't have time to blog about everything and some details are best left to ourselves. Let's just say, I am a very, very happy Bethany.

To you Drummer Boy, you know who you are and you are the only person who has ever been able to put a smile like that on my face. You truly are a wonderful, intelligent, funny, talented person - you are the whole package. You totally have me smitten and leave me wanting more. I can't wait to see you again. :)

10-4 over and out.

A Night to Remember Part Deux....

2006-09-08T00:22:00.001-05:00

Is it possible to have two of the best nights of my life back-to-back? Is it possible that what I consider "the best" was just two people sitting and talking in a car....? I have never felt healthier, happier, more alive than I do right now. I feel like the last three years are already forgotten and I have truly met my "Match." I was looking in all the wrong places for my soul mate. Don't get me wrong, I am frightened of things going wrong and ruining things and getting hurt, but for some reason this just feels so right... I can't believe how quickly things change. Will I ever get this smile off my face? I don't think so...

This even has mom's seal of approval.
<3

10-4 over and out.

A Night to Remember.....

2006-09-07T09:57:00.000-05:00

Feels like I have always known you
And I swear I dreamt about you
All those endless nights I was alone
It's like I've spent forever searching
Now I know that it was worth it
With you it feels like I am finally home

Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life

Cuz you leave me speechless when you talk to me
You leave me breathless the way you look at me
You manage to disarm me, my soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender my everything to you

I thought I could resist you
I thought that I was strong
Somehow you were different from what I've known
I didn't see you coming
You took me by surprise and
You stole my heart before I could say no

Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life

You leave me speechless when you talk to me
You leave me breathless the way you look at me
You manage to disarm me, my soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender my everything to you

You leave me speechless (the way you smile, the way you touch my face)
You leave me breathless (it's something that you do I can't explain)
I run a million miles just to hear you say my name
Baby

You leave me speechless
You leave me breathless (the way you look at me)
You manage to disarm me, my soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender my everything to you

OMG. A great night indeed.... It was a night like I've never had before. <3

What's Goes on in the Mind of Bethany.....

2006-09-05T19:58:00.000-05:00

The devil on one shoulder, the Angel on the other. Both fighting to control my thoughts and feelings. If only decisions were easy. If only life was easy. If only romance wasn't tragic and people didn't suck. God I hate "B." Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you.....

~Unsexy~
Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

~Hands Clean~
If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my protégé and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you don't seem to mind

Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done
Up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm
body

Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

I'm not getting back tofether with "B." This much I know. I am not even sure at this point that I want to be his friend. However, do I want to be a homewrecker? Again? I so don't... So why do I feel so torn? What is the hold this guy has over me? What is wrong with my head??

An Interesting Turn of Events….

2006-09-04T22:39:00.000-05:00

G’Late evening Kids & Porn Stars, happy September…. And for all you Teachers out there, nanny, nanny poo-poo, it’s back to school for you. To all you parents out there, congratulations on getting your kids out of the house, LOL.

So what’s been going on in the world of Bethany since last I blogged? Hmmm, let me begin.

My Carrie Girl flew home for a few days as a surprise for Maggie Sue’s wedding. I spent a lot of quality time with her and my Kel-Kel and it was awesome. I didn’t realize how much I missed Carrie…. It has been 10 years. She looked exactly the same and had the same sense of humor and caring quality about it. I am so glad she is back in my life (forgive me if I use this term a lot, this might be a sappy post, LOL). Maggie figured out her surprise, so that element was ruined, but we made the most of it. Of course, I spent close to 3 days preparing for Maggie Sue’s wedding (dress, shoes, nails, pedicure, etc) and I was so excited to be going to a second wedding with “B.” I found the perfect dress and shoes and I was so excited to be on his arm.

The night before the wedding Kel-Kel took Carrie to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. After the dinner, Carrie called me and said they were at a bar 2 seconds from my house – I had to come out and get her. We needed to party. When I arrived, the bride looked none-too-happy to see me. Carrie was bombed and there was noticeable tension in the air. It felt worse when I sat down. I got the nagging suspicion I was not wanted. Shortly before midnight, the bride-to-be left and I decided I just wanted to get out of there. I went home pissed off because I couldn’t understand the tension – or why I was invited to the wedding.
The day of the wedding came and Carrie and I shopped around getting her last minute details done (nails, booze, etc). We had fun chatting all day and I came to what I thought was an important decision about my gift for Maggie. There was just too much tension between us and I didn’t think a friendship was to be had.

I stressed about getting ready in time – waited for “B” who finally showed up at 5. I just needed to get the shoes on and we were off. No “You look beautiful,” no, “You look nice,” no nothing from him. I had to ask for a compliment. That should have been my clue for the tone of the evening.

The ceremony was nice and Maggie’s dress was beautiful. I saw her brother Dooda, who was like a big brother to me, after not seeing him for about 10 years. It was nice to see him again… I loved the short service and was looking forward to the open bar and spending the night with my girls and “B.” We got back to the hotel and enjoyed the cocktail hour. Finally it was time to head into the reception room and get our dance on. It seemed like the night flew by…. I am sure it did for the bride and groom. Here are some snippets from the evening:
1. “B” never once danced with me.
2. “B” disappeared to the bar and continually PAID for his beers even though it was OPEN BAR. It was Yankees Vs. Boston that night. SO??? I needed him!
3. “B” drank beer which does nothing to him and I paid $100 for the friggin hotel room.
4. “B” made several comments over and over as to how he was NEVER going to marry me. He embarrassed me in front of Kel-Kel’s whole family and made a horrible first impression to Carrie.
5. “B” hit on a woman when he finally came into the reception room and didn’t even flinch when I walked by.
6. When I finally confronted him at the bar, he continued to stay seated and would not come back to the reception with me.
7. When he finally came back in, it was last dance of the night. Did he ask me to dance? No. We fought instead.
8. I was hit on by two married men. My head was huge that night and “B” totally took down a notch. Especially since he was the only eye I wanted to catch.
9. I was treated badly by the bride’s mom, but that was to be expected. I caught up on the last 10 years with her bro’s and we had a good time in the bar after the reception.
10. “B” finally came to me and apologized. However, the night was already ruined.

He was drinking, so let him stay. We chatted with Dooda a bit before heading to bed. Dooda made several mentions at his disdain for “B.” The next morning we woke up and went for some breakfast. My whole idea of what the evening would be was ruined. Kel-Kel had a BBQ at her place that day and Carrie, myself, Andrea, Midge, Erica, and Mama Marshland was there. We recapped the wedding events and just caught up on old time and good times. It was a really pleasant evening. I <3 my girls.
I didn’t hear from “B” again. I went the whole week after the wedding with no calls, no e-mails, nothing. I didn’t call him either.

The following weekend – 25th and 26th, I headed out with Peter-Peter Pumpkin Eater Friday night and Saturday night I did dinner with my girls (Kel-Kel, Midge and Phan) and we enjoyed some drinkies and interesting conversations…. We also had to pick up our supplies from Midge. :) I love me some supplies!! LOL.
Sunday I finally got to see JKB007 for some lunchies. More good times.

I’m a busy gal!

Maggie Sue and I worked out our differences during this time as well and I am glad that we could let bygones be bygones. She's a freking married woman now and in time soon, she will be someone's mom. Wow.... How time flies and how things change.

Monday the 28th came and I e-mailed “B,” only to find he is on vacation all week. How nice. I called him 3 times during the week, to no avail.

Tuesday night I headed out with my work girlies for some dinner and reading with Psychic Francine. Another good reading and more great conversations…. I <3 my work girlies. Blade, Kimmy, SVU, & Danster. Our little foursome is expanding….

Friday night I knew was going to be good times – I only wished Kel-Kel could be there. On my way home from work I decided it would take al my will power, but I was not going to contact “B” again. As if he could sense it, he calls and I miss the call. We play phone tag through the evening. Around 8:30, I headed out with Erica, Andrea, and Midge to see a great Reggae band Midge knew of. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it an all nighter, but I plugged on. We headed over to Nyack and it looked like it might be a dud evening. We had up front seats, drinks, and some good things to laugh at. We had a second round. Then a nice young man came up to me offering to purchase myself and my girls some drinks. I happily obliged. Then I had another. I waved at the drummer. Mmmmm, love drummers. We decided (my girls and this guy that bought us drinks and his two friends) headed over to a “dance club” nearby. We got a free drink for entering and being chicks – hot! We danced and had a good time. After a short while I wanted to ditch the boys to go meet more, so we headed back to our original place. I feel a tap on my shoulder as I get back from using the ladies room.
“Bethany?,” this chubby, blonde, curly haired girl asks.
“Yes,” I respond.
“Hi – do you know who I am?,” she asks.
“No clue…..,” I say.
“I’m “R’s” neighbor, Julie,” she says. “You’re like ‘who the hell is this??’ Haha.”
I finally realize she is “B’s” neighbor that likes to leave him the little love notes. “B” likes to go by 2 different names. We’ve already established he beats to his own drum and is a weird dude.
“You are “R’s” FRIEND, right?,” she asks.
“Oh, hi,” I say. “How are you? Don’t tell “B” I am here. And, by the way, I am “B’s” girlfriend of 3 years. Not his friend,” I reply.
“Oh (insert snotty/confused look) are you on a date or something??,” She asks.
“No, girls night out,” I say.
This is the end of conversation at this point. She then proceeds to point at me and whisper to her friend. And laugh. C**T. I explain to Midge who she is. She comes by Midge and I so I try to make small talk so I can pick her brain. She gives me a rude answer to a question and walks away. She then proceeds to whisper and stare for the rest of the evening. So, I made a point of making a show. I grinded the Reggae singer. Danced with two guys I met. Then, for shits and giggles, I made out with the drummer before we left. F*** “B.” I had enough. I invited him to the next bar we were heading on to and we were out.
In the car ride I proceeded to call “B” and tell him off. Both on the home phone and his cell phone. We arrived at the next bar and I made a “friend” who purchased me a beverage and then my drummer arrived. He and I went outside and talked for a while. I told him about “B,” we hugged, we talked some more, and then headed back inside. The girls looked ready to go (I felt bad making them wait!) Drummer Boy says to Midge, “I’ll make sure Bethany gets home OK. Don’t worry.” Did I mention he’s a cop? LOL.

He drove me home and we exchanged #’s. A bitter sweet end to a rough night.

I woke up Saturday morning to an e-mail from him. <3
I also woke up with food poisoning. How can I tell it wasn’t a hangover? I was sober when I got home. I spent the day with Mama Dukes. I wanted to stay close to home.

Sunday was spent with Kel-Kel and RyRy. We did a little tux shopping, LOL, then headed over to Andrea’s job for some lunchies. Alas, she wasn’t there. We chowed down on some fine Olive Garden eats and then headed back to their house. Kel-Kel and I watched a chick flick and then had some good old fashioned girl talk. I needed it. I headed home late in the night and was getting ready to get some sleepies when my cell rang. Drummer Boy. We chatted for a ½ hour or so before his shift and made tentative plans to see one another again. I think I’m in love. Too bad he’s married. Oh, did I forget to mention that? Yep Kids, Bethany is VERY unlucky in love.

Today is Labor Day and I actually did a tone of work around the house, had some yummy dinner eats with The OC and some more girl talk and some rehashing of the Married man issue, and then I came home to do actual work. What a thrilling 3 day weekend, LOL.

So, I just got off the phone with “B.” He said he never returned my calls from Friday because I told him to never call me again and he took it literally. He claims he never slept with Fatty le Blonde. We had nothing to say to one another. We ended the conversation with “have a good night,” and “take care.” It is SSSOOO over. Maybe I should date the married Drummer Boy. Doesn’t look like I will be getting married or having children any time soon. Argh……… 10-4 over and out.

Grey Goose Joey is now Grey Goose Bethany??

2006-08-16T08:46:00.000-05:00

G'very early hungover morning Kids & Porn Stars.
Rule # 1 - Never drink and drive in parts unknown.
Rule # 2 - Never stay out until 1 AM on a "school night."
Rule # 3 - Never stay out until 1 AM on a "school night" while drinking heavily with friends.
Rule # 4 - Never say you are ok to drive if you really might not be (I TOTALLY thought I was though....)
Rule # 5 - Don't take turns to sharply when you are already aware that there is a ditch on the curve of the road.
Rule # 6 - Once you have rode into said ditch, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO KEEP DRIVING THE CAR.
Rule # 7 - Do not get out of the car and attmept to fix the under carriage in pitch black darkness in part unknown.
Rule # 8 - If your car makes weird sounds when you turn left, don't keep turning left to see if the car is still making that sound.
Rule # 9 - If you think you can fix the car in a drunken (and crying) state, "jiggling the handle" will NOT fix it. Just leave it alone until soberness sets in.
Rule # 10 - When sober, STILL DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FIX THE CAR - especially when you are already dressed for work.
Yes Kids, Bethany had her first (and last) drinking and driving accident. I am OK. It was a small ditch and the damage is minor compared to what it could have been (although I am fairly certain I will get anally raped on the cost to fix it - and yes, I have to fix it. A-It's a lease and B-I don't think I can keep driving it as is.) I feel stupid, so please keep your "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??" comments to yourself, I am already kicking myself in the ass for what could have happened. I've learned my lesson... I hate myself right now. I have officially become my dad. 10-4 over and out.

People Will Show Their True Colors, if You Let Them...

2006-08-15T07:35:00.000-05:00

Hey there Kids & Porn Stars... Happy Monday. My weekend was fabulous. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. Friday started off with a bang, but first let me tell you about Thursday night. I was out late Thursday night with Blade, SVU, Tracey from the Bronx (AKA - TB). We decided to meet up for dinner at The Westchester at PF Changs. Dinner and drinks were fabulous and it was nice to get the girls together and catch up since Blade just got back from Greece. After dinner, we decided to go out for drinks - TB needed to get home. So Blade, SVU an I headed out and hit up a few places. I met a boy or two and got a little buzzed, got a # and a "date" for next weekend. It was a good night until Blade got cranky about being out so late... Meanwhile it was her idea, but she thought we would only be out for one and one turned into 4-5. I don't remember driving over the bridge, but I got home safe and sound. LOL.

Friday AM I was wide awake at 7:30 AM because I needed to get some work done before we left and I still wasn't sure what time we were going. I was moving slow due to the hangover and lack of sleep. I was getting ready to get some work done and Mama Dukes says, "Does Kel-Kel wear her hair in a braid? Because she's here." Ooops, it was 8AM and I wasn't showered. After running around and showering, we were on the road by 9-ish. We chatted the whole way down, it felt like it took 10 minutes to get there. :) We stopped off on an errand in Toms River (stuff for my dad's will) and then it was off to Seaside. We spent a few hours in the sun, did the air lift ride thingy, played some games, had our palms read, and relaxed and enjoyed one anothers company. I'm so glad to have reconnected with her... I was supposed to go to a comedy club with TB, Blade, and Blade's sister, but we just couldn't get home in time. So when we finally did get home, we decided to go to the drive in movie theater in Warwick and we saw The Devil Wears Prada. RyRy wasn't feeling a girlie movie or going out since he worked so hard all day, so it was just us girls.

Saturday - Woke up very late and broke some lunch plans. I thought my night party was at 8, but it actually started at 5:45, so I didn't have much time to get anything done since I woke up so late. So I relaxed, got some stuff done around the house, tended to my sunburn, and then got ready for the big night. I arrived at Midge's place right on time - after running into my Kel-Kel on the road. We headed in together not knowing what to expect. What it turned out as, was fantastic. I got see my HS girlies, bought some good supplies, had a good time with my Kel-Kel, and found a new P/T job. (More about that later....) After the party, Kel-Kel and I ran to get some eats and then I was just to plain tired to do anything else. So we parted ways and went home.

Sunday - Woke up to Mama Dukes boxing with my kitty. She likes to call him Morris and for some reason, he likes her. It was cute, but annoying on a Sunday AM, LOL. Mama Dukes was in a grand mood since she was leaving for the beach in a few hours with AK and two friends. And Bethany has the place to herself until Wed. ROCK! After Mama Dukes left, I played with the pooches, watched some tube, then prepared for dinner with Clinger. I met up with him around 6:30 at my favorite Italian place - Pasta Cucina. I could barely hear him talk during dinner. It's not quite a feminine voice; he is more of a low talker. For all I know, he could have been saying how he wants to beat and rape me, because I really couldn't hear half of what he said. We drank a bottle of wine together, I was slightly buzzed and starting to get tired. We walked outside to my car where he proceeded to low talk. I was practically yawning in his face and he still wouldn't let me leave.... I mean, he is a really nice guy, but he may just be too laid back for me. He has now asked me to hang out on Wed. I fell bad because I still want to date other people and I think he's settled on dating me.... I want to see what JH has to offer next weekend.... Even if he is a smoker! We left it as we would speak tomorrow and then I was off to home. Where he called me and text messaged me. Too much!

Monday - Got to work in good spirits, considering I just had a 3 day weekend. My boss was having his man period and was fairly cranky and nasty to me which I felt was uncalled for. I told him off without really telling him off, if you know what I mean. Then Blade starts giving me 'tude all day for no reason. At lunch I had enough and said, "Why are you being so fucking snippy to me?? Did I do something to you??" Then in the afternoon she sent over some snippy e-mails and I had it. I went off on her in an e-mail and she never wrote back.... Today I came in to an apology card on my desk telling me I am silly, she is not mad at me, and we will always be friends. I can't say I believe it, but for not what can I do? I'm tired and all cried out and I don't want to be here now... I keep telling myself that I have people like my Kel-Kel (see below picture), KTU, Cowgirl, and last but not least DOC in my life. That's all I need.... :) 10-4 over and out.

Just a Snipet from my Day Off....

2006-08-13T16:27:00.000-05:00

I Have Bushy Brows??

2006-08-09T20:44:00.000-05:00

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars.... OK, so I decided to treat myself to a manicure and pedicure after work tonight. I figured I deserved it working so hard lately and all (and I friggin have Shingles again - not a bad case visually, but fucking painful as all hell this time around!!) So, I get the pedi and sit in the massage chair, read my book, and relax. When the technician finished, I moved over to a table to get my nails done. As she is doing my nails, she says, "You want da eyebrow wax too?" I say, "Sure, I guess I should." She says, "Ya, they bushy. I fix. I fix nice. Make pretty. Ok?" I say, "OK, sounds good." Then I see her eyebrows and I KNOW I am in for some real trouble. She had NONE. Well, I mean, she had about 12 hairs where each brow should be and the a real thick pencil line drawn in. "Oh God," I think to myself. I am screwed. LOL. She finishes up my nails as I try to think of a reason to get out of it. "Come," she says as she calls me into the "Waxing Room." "Here we go," I think to myself. I am too nice to say no at this point. I lay down and she grins and says, "Bushy, bushy, bushy. I fix." I figured, "Well, who the fuck wants to be bushy - anywhere, LOL??" I close my eyes and fear the worst. She waxes away and THEN brings out the tweezers. She is hacking away at my brows. I am scared. She finally says, "I finished. Go look in mirror." I walk a slow crawl to the mirror worried about what I might find because it really felt as though she scalped my brows... Lo and behold, they look fabulous. She knew what she was doing and I have two full eye brows in tact. Phew! 10-4 over and out.

Is Pedro There?

2006-08-08T17:57:00.000-05:00

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars... Today was one of the worst and best days in a long, long time. So, as you may or may not know, I am EXTREMELY busy. My co-worker quit and I've been covering her desk since she left. Which hasn't really been a problem, since I love over time. However, the co-worker who quit left a small mess. One being an issue with a client that myself and her boss were never notified of by her. So I get an e-mail from another company I deal with telling me they accidentally fulfilled my order and I am not supposed to use the file they sent to my client and how dare I have sent another order when I knew "full well from last month that this months order would be denied"?? WHAT? This is the first time I am even working on this file and I tell this guy so. He insists he spoke to me, making me think I am losing my mind. So I send the co-worker (VSP) who left an e-mail asking her for some - any - input:

From: Bethany [mailto:Bethany@Isendjunkmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 11:40 AM
To: VSP (FID)
Subject: Hey!

Hey, two questions.... Did you work on E*** before you left?
Do you remember speaking to Dan about Z***** Z*** not being approved? This guy is nuts and I just totally went off on him about this.

Sorry to bother you with WK nonsense. How are you? LOL.
Do you know your e-mail address is still active (or at least in the Global Address list). LOL.

Me

Bethany
Brokerage
I Send You Junk Mail Company

-----Original Message-----
From: VSP (FID) [mailto:VSP@morganstanley.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 11:50 AM
To: Bethany
Subject: RE: Hey!

Hi,
I can't help you with those right now. I'd have to call you later.

And what does Dan (I'm assuming you mean Breen) have to do with Esoworld?

It figures they're keeping it active. God forbid she has them deactivate it and actually get the e-mails from now on. When I left the last time, I was gone for over a year and a half and when I came back, my e-mail was still active from before.

VSP
Morgan Stanley | Fixed Income Division
Tel: 1 (212) 761-XXXX

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From: McDowell, Beth [mailto:Bethany@Isendyoujunkmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 11:59 AM
To: VSP(FID)
Subject: RE: Hey!

It was Dan Arnold from RMI. He is claiming to have spoken to me about your order and said he told me they were denied and how dare I put through another order.
Just let me know if you remember any of this?
They should reroute your e-mails - you have VM too. LOL.

-----Original Message-----
From: VSP (FID) [mailto:VSP@morganstanley.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:08 PM
To: Bethany
Subject: RE: Hey!

Ah. Sorry, can't help you. Get your new "boss" to help. Ahahahaha I just realized, if I help you, I help her. Sorry.

VSP
Morgan Stanley | Fixed Income Division
Tel: 1 (212) 761-XXXX

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From: Bethany [mailto:Bethany@Isendjunkmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:09 PM
To: VSP (FID)
Subject: RE: Hey!

Are you kidding me?

-----Original Message-----
From: VSP (FID) [mailto:VSP@morganstanley.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:12 PM
To: Bethany
Subject: RE: Hey!

No. Seriously. First, I can't help you because it's against policy for me to help you. Not unless I do it after hours. Second, I no longer work for WK so I shouldn't be involved in anything that has to do with accounts. Third, I am not helping her since she obviously has issues with me. And if I help you, I help her.

Unfortunately, it screws you. But then again, it's not your account and not your boss. So I wouldn't stress it.

VSP
Morgan Stanley | Fixed Income Division
Tel: 1 (212) 761-XXXX

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From: Bethany [mailto:Bethany@Isendjunkmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:14 PM
To: VSP (FID)
Subject: RE: Hey!

Wow, I didn't realize helping out a friend with a quick yes or no answer was so difficult.
Sorry I asked VSP.

-----Original Message-----
From: VSP (FID) [mailto:VSP@morganstanley.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:19 PM
To: Bethany
Subject: RE: Hey!

It has nothing to do with you Beth. And you're taking it personally when you shouldn't. You're putting this as a friend helping a friend, but it's not. If you were asking me for help on generic list brokerage questions, I don't have a problem. But you're asking me about accounts I personally worked on. It's not something I can help on or will help on. You should understand my position. And it doesn't help that I can't answer you now anyway since it's during business hours.

VSP
Morgan Stanley | Fixed Income Division
Tel: 1 (212) 761-XXXX

-----Original Message-----
From: Bethany
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:35 PM
To: VSP (FID)'
Subject: RE: Hey!

VSP, it's my order - whether her name is on it or not and at this point, I need to get to the bottom of things.
This Dan guy is imagining a whole conversation with me where I supposedly laughed and called our client a fraud. All I was asking of you was whether you talked to him - yes or no. And I kind of think you're using the whole "business hours" thing as an excuse because you don't want to help Paula - which, yes, as a friend to you I understand, but as a friend to me I would think you could get past that for one second and say yes I talked to him or no I didn't. Maybe you think I was asking more of you - I don't know. But that was really all I needed from you....

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From: Bethany [mailto:Bethany@Isendjunkmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:41 PM
To: VSP (FID)
Subject: FW: Hey!

And.... I hope you don't think I am trying to fight with you, because I'm not!

-----Original Message-----
From: VSP (FID) [mailto:VSP@morganstanley.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:52 PM
To: Bethany
Subject: RE: Hey!

You obviously do not understand the way my company and other investment banks are set up. I cannot help another company in their business dealings without approval from Compliance.

But that's besides the point. I cannot believe that you're arguing about this with me DURING MY REGULAR JOB HOURS. You might not understand that, but that is how my world works now. I can joke around about what's going on at WK, but I cannot discuss specific business related matters. And since I don't want this to become some sort of world war 3 issue, please refrain from e-mailing me about WK at my Morgan Stanley e-mail from this point on.

And by the way, no, I cannot put aside my issues with her to help you. I've already helped enough considering how much she dislikes me. It is not in my best interest to help her in any way.

VSP
Morgan Stanley | Fixed Income Division
Tel: 1 (212) 761-XXXX

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From: Bethany[mailto:Bethany@Isendjunkmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 2:01 PM
To: VSP (FID)
Subject: RE: Hey!

Oh my God VSP - I just said I WASN'T trying to argue with you about this, but I forgot who I was talking to. Grow up.

-----Original Message-----
From: VSP (FID) [mailto:VSP@morganstanley.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 2:03 PM
To: Bethany
Subject: RE: Hey!

Ok, you seriously need to drop this. Don't tell me to grow up when I had to tell you 3 times that I couldn't help you because of legal reasons. Since you can't discuss this rationally, let's just not discuss anything at all. Have a good day.

VSP
Morgan Stanley | Fixed Income Division
Tel: 1 (212) 761-XXXX

-----Original Message-----
From: Bethany
Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 2:03 PM
To: VSP (FID)'
Subject: RE: Hey!

Agreed - take care!

Now, normally I would be upset about arguing with a friend, but this bitch is NOT a friend and I am glad to be rid of her. She really is narcissistic c*** rag that I was only friends with because she is SUCH a c*** rag that it's better to NOT have her as an enemy. Mama Dukes always send to be careful of people such as herself and once again, Mama Dukes proved to be correct. The guy wound up apologizing to me, so the day wasn't a total loss in regards to work and I finally have this coniving bitch out of my life. Ahhhh, freedom feels good. I wish her nothing but failure. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Not in the Mood for Jokes...

2006-08-07T22:01:00.000-05:00

Rose: "I'm not in the mood for jokes.... Especially about the little man in the fridge. You KNOW he scares me."

LOL.

Happy Anniversary to Us....

2006-08-07T20:05:00.000-05:00

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars. Why am I not posting in the AM from work you ask? Because I am being pulled in about 9 different directions and I have little to NO time to do anything. But, me likey the overtime. Especially since I AM OFF THIS FRIDAY!!! Woo-hoo and it doesn't go against my vacation time (technically). LOL. The sad thing is, last Friday I was in bed by 7:30. Mama Dukes came crashing into my room at around 9, waking me. "There was a VM for you. Did you get it?" Logic says that if the VM voice tells you it's a new VM, then no, I didn't get it. But we are talking to Mama Dukes here and she can barely use the microwave.... So.... "No, I didn't." I check. No message. "Mama Dukes, did you delete it?" "No. I pressed 7." Me: "7 IS to delete!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!" Reason 5 million and 87 why I need to move, LOL. So I check the caller ID, see who called, and get the info I need. Back to sleep I went. My whole weekend was wasted recouping from a rough week, but I promised my peeps at work that I would meet them in Yonkers for VP's show. He was the only good comedian and we were all home by midnight.
Sunday I woke up and thought Mama Dukes was leaving for a few days. So I cleaned up, played with the pooches (a sick Max that cost me ANOTHER $300 with his darned allergic reactions), and decided since we had no soda it would be a good time for a Twised Tea. LOL. After 3, I thought it would be a good to start the project I needed to do for work and the damn cable connection went out. One hour, one sweaty Bethany, and one Twisted Tea later, I was back up and running and 2 hours later the project was complete. Not before my Doogalicious called and gave me some really good news. Congrats my boy! :) I knew it would all work out.
I am hoping my plans fall into place for my Friday off – wink-wink, I can’t wait!!
Maggie Sue’s wedding is coming, Midge’s “party” is this weekend, and Peter-Peter Pumpkin Eater is turning 30 on Friday (same day Maggie Sue turns 2-9, LOL). So I have two VERY busy weekends coming up (and I have next Thursday and Friday off, yea!!!)
The girls and I at work are (hopefully) planning a trip. I need a vacation…. ASAP, but if I leave my job anytime soon, it will be a while before I can take off again.
So tomorrow is my and “B’s” 3 year anniversary. Woo-hoo. Let’s see if he remembers and/or does anything about it.
In the meantime, I met someone else who is smothering me to death. LOL. It’s either one extreme or the other. I just can’t win.
What else can I tell you? Max is doing better since he is on medication. Work is good (except that I am crazy busy). I am planning a vacation and can’t wait to get away. The guy I met could be a psycho stalker, lol. “B” is an a**, LOL. I’m always tired. I have so many events coming up that I can’t wait for. I need to be off now. More to come. ;) 10-4 over and out.

Putzmeister

2006-08-01T17:48:00.000-05:00

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Tuesday! I am back! But, I can't promise regular posts - things have been crazy on the Bethany homefront.
Kel-Kel and RyRy left me for 10 or so days and I was able to watch their "kids" and their house for a few nights. "B" and I enjoyed the pool and the movie theater room. Work has been nuts. My friend VSP quit and I've taken on her work load along side mine. SVU quit too and they told me today I will be taking on some of HER work load as well. All within 37.5 hours though, of course. That place is bullshit and I am glad I have TWO head hunters working for me to get me the hell out of there. Maggie Sue's Bridal shower was Sunday, the day after Kel-Kel got back from Disney. I got to see some old H.S. friends, Mama Marsh, and the lil sissy's. :) It was a great afternoon and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE what Kel-Kel pulls together for my bridal shower some day. Maggie Sue was glowing and she raked in some awesome gifties. :)Everything Kel-Kel did was done with precision, a creative eye (she IS an artist), and love. I can't imagine having someone that wonderful taking care of details for my shower. <3 YOU DID A GREAT JOB, Kel-Kel!!! Maggie Sue must feel so loved! Her wedding is coming fast and furious. I've been doing OK on Weight Watchers, but not as good as I would have liked. I stopped holding Maggie's wedding over my head as a reason or time frame to lose weight. I need to focus on me and my lifestyle change. Change only comes when you allow it. So I am now in search of a new gym with work out classes - damn the price. There is no price for good health. I've hardly read anything this summer, I'm either working or out and tonight is the first night in a while I can just sit and relax and I'm not thoroughly exhausted (thanks to the Iron pills I've been taking!) Little Max had a vet emergency (again) last night and $300 later, he's feeling better. They think it's either Allergies, Mites, Ringworm, or a Yeast Infection on his little belly. The poor thing. He's happy tonight though and as soon as this heat wave gives up, we are going to have some serious Mommy and me time. He needs the exercise, as do I. :) I feel pumped, energized and loved by my good friends. I'm feeling good and I hope this feeling lasts as I think this positive energy will shine in my job interviews, LOL.

Everyone keep your fingers crossed - I don't want to jinx anything, but someone I love may be a lot closer to me very soon. So keep your prayers with me (and him). You know who you are, I love you and I find myself thinking about you way more than I should. ;) Even though you're a nut - slightly cracked. We are getting SO loaded when you get home. I need to be off now. Books to read, Tivo to watch, and pups to smother with love. I'll post more regularly now (hopefully) because I know I haven't covered the last few weeks of my life in full, things were definitely left out.... 10-4 over and out.

Hey People.....

2006-07-24T07:52:00.000-05:00

Hey Kids & Porn Stars.... Sorry for the lack of blogging, I will be back in effect very, very soon. Work has been crazy, I've been sick (turns out I'm anemic), and I just haven't had much going on in the world of Bethany. I will get some stuff together soon.... 10-4 over and out!