30 Is The New 20? I'm Not So Sure.... LOL

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars. 30. 30. 30. 30. I keep playing that number over and over in my head.
30 and....
Not married.
No kids.
No home of my own.

Ugh.... 30. 30 and single is even worse. Especially when you were in a relationship just prior to turning thirty that you thought was THE relationship. Looking back, it wasn't. I don't want to go off on a DB tangent right now, but I do need to mention what's been going on there - only because he still has the power to make me shake, puke, and stress out. And trust me, I am not giving him the power, it's just how my body reacts. So here's the story (drama) fasten your seatbelts because the reaction I've been getting thus far has not been good. Two Saturdays ago, The Bunny and I went out to see Dank in P-Town. We had a blast and partied it up in P-Town until 2 AM. ****This was, of course after I shopped all day with my Kel-Kel and Maggie Sue AND I got to see little Syd - awwwwwwwe :P **** After Dank wrapped up, we all headed back towards The 'Burg and over to our stomping grounds. We avoided The 'Burg Friday night since DB's band was playing, so Saturday we figured it would be all clear. And it was. Until 3:50AM. (Who goes to a bar at 3:50AM??) DB walked in and my body physically reacted. I was immediately sick to my stomach and I began to shake. It only made it that much worse that the bastard was ON A DATE. I looked outside - the prick parked NEXT to The Bunny's car, so he knew we were in there. He purposely came in to start trouble and my stomach just couldn't take it. Now, I had been drinking for part of the night, so I reacted poorly. I walked outside when they called last call. The bartender gave us some sodies to go and The Bunny asked me to hold them. DB walked out right after me with his date. He looked at me like I was garbage and I became enraged. I smirked at him then said, "Um, Sweetie, be careful. He wets the bed." Then I threw one of the drinks at them. (Somehow I became 5 years old over the course of those last 10 minutes of the night.)

***Side note - OMG - just retelling this story is making me sick.....***

OK, so I throw the drink and they both turn and stare me down. I smile and walk back into the bar. And yes, before you ask, his date was old and hideous. LOL. So I go in and tell The Bunny what I did. She yells at me, I walked back outside as he was pulling out. I threw the other drink at his windshield. The Bunny came out just as I was doing it and pulled me into the car. Off to Dank's we went. I was so mad, I was almost seething. I was glad I didn't drive and glad I got out of there. I have to say, I was in no shape to make any decisions about staying once he walked in - I wished The Bunny would have gotten me out of there ASAP - but I also don't want him thinking he is going to run me out of one of my favorite bars or make me change anything about my life. I'm not sure which way to go with this. Anyway, we drove home around 5AM and passed out - the ending to my evening. I was sick all ay Sunday, thinking it was a hangover, I just layed in bed - intermittantly puking here and there. When Monday came and I was still throwing up, I realized it was the flu and not a hangover. I stayed home from work and rested as much as I could. 7:30 PM rolls around and my doorbell rings. WTF? I answer it - in my jammies, teeth unbrushed, wrapped in a blanket. It's 2 police officers from DB's department. They flash one badge at me and ask to come in... I warn them I am sick and invited them in.

I got the usual - Where were you Saturday night - who was I with - what happened. Not once did they tell me why they were there. Mama Dukes comes home - I tell her who they are - she simply replies, "Why are you here?" A question I never thought to ask. Duh.
Sargeant Dick: "There was some property damage done to some of DB's property."
Mama Dukes: "And you think Bethany had something to do with it?"
SD: "We are just finding out what happened on the night in question."
MD: "What was done?"
SD: "We aren't at liberty to say."
MD: "He is crazy. He's a diabetic, alcohic, crazy person. My daughter had nothing to do with anything that may or may not have been done. He's absolutely crazy. He tried to rape my daughter, assaulted her and all of you 'cops' stick together."
SD: "Well, I won't agree with that -we are just here for the facts."

I give them The Bunny's number as her and Dank are my alibi's, they thank me for my time and leave. 24 hours later, they arrive at The Bunny's house. WTF? Are they really serious here? This is going above and beyond at this point and DB's games are quite ENOUGH. They questioned her for about 30 minutes and since WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, our stories were the same. They tried to scare her into confessing something and when they finally realized there was nothing for her to confess, they left. How aggravating. Since last Tuesday, we haven't heard a thing. However, my stomach is all over the place upset with fear and stress that this crazy son of a bitch can get away with harassing us, making up stories, and having his friends come to my home and interrogate me. Luckily for me, I have some knowledgable friends in law enforcement - thank you Julio and Meat!!!! <3 <3 <3

So, that was that. Now, can anyone tell me why I am still thinking about that crazy SOB and why I miss the good times we had? Please God, let it only be because I'm lonely that it's now Christmas time.

Welcome back to the drama filled life of Bethany, Readers.... LOL. 10-4 over and out.l

Holy Thirties....

Hello? Can anyone hear me? Wow. It's been a long time. I actually came back on here a few months ago and started a long post and just now deleted it. Life has been so busy and crazy I couldn't find time to blog. How does that even happen? Especially when I don't have children or my own home to tend to? So, even though it's not New Years yet, I'm making a resolution. I need this space to vent, to be creative, and just to keep a journal of my life. So here we go again. I was going to summarize what's been going on in my life since I stopped blogging, but what's the point? I mean, I've always hoped this would turn into a best seller some day, but I have a great memory and some things are just better off left unwritten. I wish I could unwrite the last year of my life, but everything happens for a reason, right?

So here we go again. Welcome back...

Chchch..... Changes!

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Lots of things going on for Bethany lately...

First off, as you all know, I am working the two jobs. Well, now I will be doing volunteer Family and Marriage counseling two nights a week, trying to get back into school for my Masters and possibly working across the bridge (If all goes well!)

Also, let's not forget MY VACATION that's coming up fast and furious! As I was trying to sleep one night last week, I received the following text messages from Carrie:
"What day are you flying in? Do you need me to pick you up for the airport?"
"The party bus is on Thursday Night. We are going to a strip club and bars. There are going to be 34 people on the bus."
"Cool. We are going to party like animals. There are many single men that will be on the bus!"
Oh geez. That's the LAST thing I need. I just want to party with my girl and the bride to be - Winkie :).

This past weekend was a semi bust. Since I had to work all day Saturday, I knew I didn't want to go out Friday night. However, with the snow storm we received, I planned on not going anywhere after I left work at 1 PM (My company was closing at 2). When I got home, I relaxed and watched some t.v. and waited for DB to come over. He stopped by before work and then I headed to bed.

Saturday I was not a happy campper. Here we are, St. Patty's Day and I have to work a 14 hour shift. :( I made due though and headed over to 32 with a smile on my face. The day went fairly smoothly, it wasn't as busy as I thought it was going to be. And I definitely didn't make the money I expected to make (I was being told I would make enough to pay rent for a month and I walked with less than $200 - ARGH!) However, Kel-Kel, Maggie Sue, Ry-Ry, Left Eye, Laurie, Amy (And her man, I didn't catch his name) stopped in for a few frosty beverages and that made the day better. :) Of course Kel-Kel stayed sober (she did have a drink or two though, yea!). After my shift finally ended (11:30 PM) I was able to sit with the group and enjoy a few laughs, take a few pictures, and chat it up with Maggie Sue. It was nice to talk to her and air some things that went wrong and clear up some miscommunications. I'm happy to say I believe it will be a new beginning for us. :) It was nice to see her as the happy married woman she's become.... I felt a little lonely being without DB while my friends were all happily with their significant others, but I guess that's the price I pay, right? After a few drinkies, new mommy Maggie wanted to get back to "Grandmas" to see her little girl. (I got an Easter pic and little Syd is too cute!) I called DB when I was leaving and he was on his way to a call, so I just went home. I returned a call to Doogie and he called back soon after. We talked for a bit and then he decided to swing by.

(Part of) The Pooh Crew - Back Again!

Aren't we cute? This is just one pic from St. Patty's. I'll post more ASAP.

I am SUCH a Girl!!!

Take a look at my new laptop - to be shipped next week. Courtesy of Sony, Mama Dukes & my Discover Card, LOL!!! It's Pretty in Pink!:

I Think My Vacation Was Approved??

My boss just called from Vancouver...
"Hi - how are you feeling?," he asks.
"Better, thanks," I say - short and sweet.
"So - the orders came in. That's great. Can you take care of X, Y & Z before you go on vacation?"
WHAT?? It's approved??

I AM SO BOOKING IT NOW. 10-4 over and out.

Weekend Recap...

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday - OK, not really. Where do I begin? My boss is an a-hole. Last Thursday I had to work from home because the Honda people were coming to inspect my car and they gave me a time frame of 12-5. How nice. Instead of driving in to the office and working from 8:30-11:30 I just stayed home. (Of course DB stopped by on his way home - awwwwe). My boss STILL hasn't signed my time off request. So, as you can imagine, I'm annoyed with him. Then all day he gave me attitude via e-mail. F him. After working all day for his attitude, I had to work at 32.

P.S. - The Honda guy showed up 10 minutes after I fell asleep on my lunch hour. I was SO annoyed!

Friday - Woke up feeling like crap. I'd had a headache (migraine) for 2 days straight and was NOT in the mood for the boss (DM). When I got to the office, I couldn't handle it. I needed to leave. So, an hour later I was on my way home. I decided, F Him - he can deal with my clients for the day. I couldn't even hold my head up. On my way home, I broke down and started crying. Hysterically, like a baby. It was uncontrollable. I was glad when I got home. I popped a Valium and slept like a baby. I wound up staying in all night - DB stopped by before work to check in on me and The Bunny called / text messaged me most of the night to check in.

Saturday - Woke up to DB's text that he was on his way over. He came by for about an hour to see how I was doing. After he left, I get a text from The Bunny, "Call me ASAP." It was 9:30 AM. The Bunny is NEVER awake that early on a Saturday. I call her. "I'm in The 'Burg. Couldn't drive last night. My car is at Rhodes." She laughs. I laugh. I wound up going to pick her up. She wasn't in The 'Burg. LOL. She was actually 10 or so minutes outside of The 'Burg. I circled around a bit looking for her. When I finally found her - standing on 17 LOL - we went to get some bagels and chatted for a bit. I finally dropped her at her car and went home. We made plans to get our nails done after 3 and we were off. 3 came and The Bunny was too hungover to go out. I can't say I wasn't pissed. I was. I waited 4 hours for her to get some rest, so PMS reared it's ugly head and I was mad. I wound up staying in Saturday night just relaxing and watching movies. DB stopped by again before work and then I was off to dreamland again.

Sunday - Mama Dukes had her shopping face on so that's what we did. For 3 long hours. I made out like a bandit on Mama Dukes dime, so I can't complain. :)

So, here I am at work again. I can't tell you how miserably depressed I am working here. The only good thing is, I put name in the running for a new position here. I'm hoping it comes through as it would open A LOT of doors for me. My boss has still yet to approve my vacation time, so it looks like I won't be going to Winkie's wedding. I am NOT happy. Wednesday at lunch I start this volunteer program I am getting into. I am going to be a volunteer counselor. I am hoping it will open my eyes to see if it is really something I want to get into... And if it is, I hope it counts as an internship when I do finally get my a** back into school! :) Tonight I am dropping Kelly (My Accord) off at Honda. It's going to be a sad day :( Although I am still loving my new ride (dent and all). Things with DB are going well. I hate to say it was The Bunny that caused our fights because I really don't believe that - but, as I said things are going pretty well. LOL. (Sorry Bunny). The only good thing now is that The Bunny and I no longer hold anything back - we just say what's on our mind. I think all of this might have made us closer. I just wish everything could be simple again. Maybe one day. Anyway, I am off for now, I guess I should take advantage of my boss being out of the office so I can get stuff done without him bothering me. 10-4 over and out.

Time to Address Some Things....

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... It's time for me to address some things.

I received an e-mail last Friday that still has me (somewhat) seething. I don't like when people *think* they know it all and try to psychoanalyze me.

First off, my relationship with DB is NOTHING like my relationship with "B." As a matter of fact, it is quite the 180. Does he have some faults? Yes, he sure does. But so do we all.

Secondly, my boss is a drama queen. He freaks out when I take a 1/2 day, let alone take a personal call. He makes comments all the time and what bothers me is that he is insisting on blaming my time off lately on DB. So when I get comments from him that I am "not mentally here," it pisses me off because I am here so much it's sickening. (Down the fact that he is NOT approving my vacation request for my trip to AZ - more on that to come.) What it boils down to is that my boss is a lazy fuck who makes 6 figures because dumb asses like me work our fingers to the bone to keep him on the high horse he rode in on. So my job is not suffering from DB. Do we have spats while I am here? Yes. Did I have to leave early once? Yes. However, I am much stronger now then what I was around Christmas time. I am not his toy or play thing. If that were the case, he wouldn't be going through the tough time he is going through right now to be with me and get his life together.

Thirdly, I did not scratch my car because my "head isn't screwed on straight" and because I am "too preoccupied with DB." I scratched the car because I moving out of the way of a tractor trailer and took a turn too tightly (and maybe slightly because I am a bad driver and not used to such a big car just yet). And yes, I guarantee that 90% of people would have left the scene if they knew they could get away with it. However, that is not why I did it. I left because I was in shock that it happened at all and my immediate reaction was to flee. As I was fleeing I called The Bunny who tried to calm me down and told me she would have done the same thing. I called Mama Dukes who also said, "I would've done the same thing." DB wasn't even in my thoughts. Until I realized I broke the law and he's a cop.

Fourth and final, I have thought about what happens if I get rid of The Bunny for the sake of keeping DB and then, in turn, things don't work out with DB. I have racked my brain with outcomes - been sick to my stomach with guilt - and have talked this situation out with 2 very close people to me until I couldn't talk about it any more. It's not as if DB said, "You have to do this," and I did it. And it's not even as though she is completely out of my life. People need to start getting all their facts before throwing stones. What people also need to realize is that DB has his reasons for not liking The Bunny. Do I agree with him for making me choose? No. Do I think he has some valid points? Yes. Yes, I did work hard to repair my relationship with her, but I am also working hard with him to keep our relationship working. So I am literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. Casting judgment on me "as a friend" doesn't make it right and it's not OK.

DB may seem like a "bad guy," but we are in a tough situation and it makes our relationship strained from the start. If we didn't love each other as much as we do, we would just walk away. But that's the easiest way out - walking away. So, as much as I sometimes need an ear and a shoulder to cry on - and I come on here and vent, I'm sorry but keep your opinions to yourself and stop trying to psychoanalyze me. 10-4 over and out.

Weekend Recap....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars. Happy Monday. Caution, long post ahead.

So, let me start off with some good news. I went down the the Jersey shore Friday afternoon with Mama Dukes to see my brothers. We needed to get a bunch of paperwork signed and what not for our stocks and it feels good to finally have a huge chunk of this issue taken care of. It also felt good to know that my father kind of took care of us by buying into these stocks. Briberry and I made out pretty well and it feels good. It was also nice to spend the day with Mama Dukes - the two hour ride there and back gave us some time to catch up. I also took her out for her birthday dinner (her birthday is today). (Shut up RyRy, but we went to Charlie Brown's, LOL. The salad bar was AWESOME.) Briberry was decent to me - smiled and was pleasant. The other Brother (not to be confused with "The Other Sister," because he's not retarded, but you might not know it by looking at him), was a prick. An all out, first class, a-hole. He wouldn't look at my mother or eye, talk to us, or even SIT near us. Honestly, is it really worth all this because of money?? Grow-up already.

When we got home, I napped for a bit since it was a long day (working in the AM, driving for 4 hours, and dealing with the brothers... It was stressful.) Around 11 I headed over to Casa to see DB play. It was DB's and my 6 month anniversary and Casa is where we met. He sent a BEAUTIFUL bouquet of flowers to my job in the AM. He's being very sweet lately. I stayed about an hour and watched him... Then I headed over to 32. I thought for sure The Bunny would show up - at least for a drink - but she didn't. I chatted with Irish Boy and had a drink while I waited for DB to finish up. As I was sitting there - semi incognito - the new girl was talking about how she "loves" working at 32. We'll call her BG (Bohemian Girl.) She had no clue I was sitting there. "I just love working here. It's the best place I've ever worked," she goes on and on to Irish Boy. Obviously kissing his ass. "I just love everyone that works here. Except Bethany." Hahahaha.... Irish Boy says, "Well, Bethany is right there," and points to me. She almost died. "I, I, I, didn't mean it like that....," she stammers as she tried to explain herself to me. "Stop," I say. "I don't care. I don't care about you. I don't like you. Only speak to me when spoken to." Then I turn my back to her. What a moron. LOL. I left shortly after and met up with DB at my house. We hung out until the wee hours (AKA, until I fell asleep, LOL).

Saturday - Woke up and lounged for most of the day. Chatted with Doogie online and then we decided to meet up at the mall for some eats and a chat. I raced around getting the nails done and what not then met him at The Outback. We spent some time there having some yummy foods and chatting away. It's always good to hear his perspective on things. He's so laid back since he got home and always has good comedic effect. :) After lunch, we headed to Barnes & Noble and checked out some books. I needed to get home soon after so we hugged and said good-bye. After I fed the pooches, I lounged around some more and then decided I was going to go to the movies - whether I had someone to go with or not. No one wanted to go, so I headed out and got to enjoy Zodiac all by my lonesome. It felt good to not have to worry about whether anyone else wanted to see it, listen to them talk, have to find two good seats.... I settled in and enjoyed the THREE hour movie all alone. It was a great flick! Definitely too long though, LOL. After the movie I headed over to DB's gig right near my house and sat in on the last 3 songs. As much as I hate the music (LOL), they sounded good and he made me proud :). I talked to him for a few then went back to my house. He came over a little while later and we relaxed and watched t.v. until I (once again) fell asleep.

Sunday - Mama Dukes headed off to AC with her her BFF. I had the house to myself, ahhh. I got so much done and it felt good! DB came over at night, we watched Waiting and cuddled. All in all, a nice weekend. 10-4 over and out.

One of the Shittiest.Days.Ever.....

Hi there Kids & Porn Stars. Not only was I ridiculously tired when I woke up this morning, it was the last day of the month. Which means, for my job, end of month billing. My boss on our ass - ALL DAY. I'm used to it, so it was OK. Plus I had the privilege of thinking about how I would be at Wing Night all night after work. And Weight Watchers in between - and oh how I love getting weighed in. I got through the day, got Mica her first car wash and before I knew it, it was 5.

***Side note, I didn't know how I was going to tell The Bunny something, but I knew I had to tell her and I was worried sick at how receptive she'd be. More on this story to come. So I add this added stress on me when I woke up this morning.***

I leave work at 5 and head over to WW to meet Kel-Kel and her Mama Dukes. The parking lot is FULL. I head down one lane which is normally (though not set in stone) a one way. In front of me is a huge truck. So I move to the right in Mica and let him by. I see and open spot. My brain says, "Back it in." But did I listen?? Noooooo. I took the turn too sharp and HIT THE CAR TO THE RIGHT OF ME. It was a tap, so I tried to back up. CCCCRRRRUUUUNNNNCCCCHHHH. SHIT! I get out of the car and look. My car is pretty scratched on the right side. MY NEW CAR. Scratched up. Temporary plates on the car. I look at the other car. The bumper was on the ground and it was pretty messed up. Fuck!!!!!! I look at my car - no license plates. I look around. No one's looking. Adios! I left the scene. I am a criminal. I shouldn't even be writing about this, but I am so guilt stricken. The car I hot was old and the bumper was already banged up - it doesn't make it right though. (So Kel-Kel, this is why I was a no show...) I was shaking and sick to my stomach. I sped to work and hopped out and looked at my car. It's not that bad, but I am getting it fixed ASAP. I feel like and a-hole. I really, truly do. And usually, I don't feel bad about things. Anyone who I've told has been making me feel like a really huge turd, but I know damn well that anyone else (with the exception of Kel-Kel) would have done the same thing. ADMIT IT!

I called The Bunny - who seemed like she wanted nothing to do with any of it. DB couldn't get out to see me, but as long as I was "OK," he assumed it was OK. Mama Dukes *thought* I was OK. I really needed someone to comfort me, I was shaking and pukey, but no one seemed to want to be bothered coming to see me. I made it through the shift - all along thinking about how I am just not meant to have a nice, shiny, new car... And to top that off, 32 decided to put THREE servers on and it was a dead night. So I walked with $80 - for the night. I was NOT happy. And Irish Boy heard the wrath of me. Not to mention, the 3rd server was BBB's Friend who started a week ago. She sucks, she's annoying, and, she's ugly. I had quite a few things to say about that as well. LOL. I'm sure she thinks I'm the biggest bitch alive, but you know what? We pool our tips and I don't work for F***ing free. I'm obviously there to make money. And if she EVER makes one more comment about how much I am on my cell phone, I will take one of her cigarettes and put it out in her eye. :) xoxoxoxo.

OK, so onto DB... I refrained from calling him on Tuesday. I knew it was best. (A BIG hug & thanks to Kel-Kel and RyRy who let me cry on their shoulders Monday night and gave me pizza, lol and a BIG hug & thanks to Doogie for taking me to lunch on Tuesday and talking me through this.... You guys are the best.) Around 1 AM I get a text message from DB asking if I was awake and if I wanted to talk. So he called and we talked for almost 2 hours. All about - you guessed it - The Bunny. He wants her out of my life - at least until she gets help for her "drinking problem" and stays sober for at least 6 months after. The Bunny is a self described free spirit - and she certainly isn't going to change because MY boyfriend wants her too. And she shouldn't. In order to keep the peace and work things out, I told him I would talk to her. However, in my mind, I keep thinking about all the good times that would vanish if she were to leave my life and I started to get sick to my stomach. However, DB and I made up and things are good. Part of me wants to test it and see if The Bunny really is "the problem" as he likes to think. However, part of me wants to kick him in the nuts for ever trying to make me choose. However, now it seems I am getting attitude from her and I feel like I am the one getting the shit end of the stick here because I am the one in the middle. Why does everything have to be so frustrating?

I'm at a loss - no pun intended. 10-4 over and out.

Sorry, Back to Private....

How sick is it that I'm afraid he will somehow read this and get even angrier with me.

When did I become this person? :( I don't even recognize myself anymore.

10-4 over and out.

Again, I Get "The Talk" From My Boss....

So DB sent me a nasty e-mail yesterday - while I was at work - ending our relationship because he hates The Bunny.

Fine.

But, to do it while I'm at work? Not fine. So I, of course, was hysterically crying at my desk. I called Mama Dukes and she was no help. She made me angrier with some of the dumb sounding questions she was asking. I know she didn't know what to say and I know she was just trying to keep my mind off of it while I counted down until 5. Of course, The Boss comes over to my desk at 4:50 and sees the tears streaming down my face. This morning I get this e-mail from him:

"Please come in to my office and let me know where you are at with JM orders and billing - the # was 12m yesterday with 300 unbilled orders."

F*ck. I go into his office with the biggest, fakest smile I can muster.

"Beth!," he yells. "What's going on?" I smile and say, "Nothing, what's up?"
"You are on this emotional roller coaster and I don't know what to do to help you," he says. "I need you HERE right now - we just lost a huge client and my numbers are low. I need all hands on deck."

The LAST thing I need right now is to lose my job. Could anything else go bad for me right now?? ARGH!!!

Back to an Open Blog...

It seems a lot of people have trouble getting into and viewing my blog... So I am back to having an open blog until I can get this figured out. This is so frustrating.

I guess it really doesn't matter anyway, now does it?

I am SO miserable right now. :( 10-4 over and out.