Poop.

I am home sick and I am SSSOOO tired and SSSOOO cranky. Boo, I stink. T.V. isn't even fun today. I think the rain is making me blue. That or the fact that I am supposed to "be confident" in my relationship with DB when I won't be seeing him for 3 days. We couldn't get together last night, tonight he is going into the city with his friend and tomorrow he has to work (and I might have plans...) When I expressed my sadness for not being able to see him, he tells me I need to be more confident in our relationship. WTF? It's not a confidence thing - it's a "I'm sad I'm not going to see you for 3 whole days thing." The absolute longest we've been apart since we met is 2 days. What's next, a whole week :(? (That had better NOT happen because I think that would cause a HUGE problem for us... But, I'm not going to get ahead of myself just yet, LOL). Long story short, I am annoyed he just doesn't get why I am sad and that it's not a "relationship paranoia" thing. Ugh, men are so frustrating. However, I don't answer my phone the other night and he assumes we're breaking up - and I'm the paranoid one? LOL. :) Enough about that - each of our points have been made. We have an awesome night planned for Friday which I am really looking forward to, but again, how am I going to feel Saturday morning? If I miss him this much now when I am not with him - how am I going to feel after a whole night? Why do things effect me so much? Damn I'm cranky today - I should really go back to sleep.

I had dinner with Kel-Kel last night and it was good to see her. She's always been a good listener :) and she often tells me things I need to hear. Plus I think I have a weight loss partner - we could each use one another support. Go us! She's already ahead of the game with exercising - I really need to get my a** back to the gym.... I was hoping to go today. I guess we'll see how I feel later on tonight.

I am hoping my special friend will call me - I think he's been feeling a little blue lately too. Doogs, I miss you.... E-mails aren't enough! I can't wait to see you :) When the heck are you getting home already - geez?!? LOL. Big hugs to you....

I'm off - I think I am going to pop in a DVD and chill. TNT afternoon dramas are just not doing it for me. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Wasn't Fantasia Supposed to be Fun??

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Bethany is a little annoyed today. Actually, I've been annoyed for a while now, but today put me slightly over the edge. My P/T gig that was supposed to be more fun than work is really starting to grate on my nerves. This was supposed to be a way for me to make extra money for my future house - while still having fun and selling something I believe in and enjoy.

When Midge and I went to the sales rally, we both felt like we were pressured into signing up - even without our "Five Parties" that we "had" to have before signing up. Midge dropped out of the running (lucky girl) and now they are harassing me to get more parties when I've only had one (and 2-3 more to come). I don't like harassing my friends to do this and I feel like I am.... I have gotten (in total) 4 e-mails and about 5 phone calls from my "managers" telling me I need to be "more in contact" with them. I told them from day one - I am not a phone person. Especially when these two bitches like to talk and are trying to be my "friend." I don't want to be friends - this is business. A few days ago, I called to check in and I was told (AND I QUOTE!!!) "We were wondering why you don't return calls that quickly - I mean, you don't have children or grand children - so we were a little surprised." WTF? Who are they to criticize or past judgment on what I do with my free time?? No, I don't have kids, BUT I DO HAVE A F***ing life. So this morning, I e-mailed one of them a question. A yes or no answer was expected back. Instead I get this long lecturing e-mail from her telling me to CALL (yes in CAPS!) them more often - especially after my party this weekend. I am thoroughly annoyed and contemplating my response to them now. I don't want to be nasty, but I have been nice long enough. Time to whip out some Bethany on their a**. ARGH!

10-4 over and out.

Pancakes Anyone? LOL

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday. What a wonderful and terrific weekend it was. I, of course, got to see my DB. After work Friday, I rushed home to get ready for the concert we planned on attending. I knew I wasn't going to have time to talk to Mama Dukes, so I left her a note. We had some things we needed to talk about because things just aren't good at home these days. DB was right on time and we headed out around 6PM. We were both under the impression that the concert was at MSG, but it was at Giants Stadium. We fought some traffic on the way down and stopped for a quick bite to eat. I felt better once I talked things out with him about Mama Dukes. :) Just seeing him made me feel better. When we got to the stadium, we walked like cattle over, bought some drinkies, and settled into our seats. The opening band wasn't my thing, but I have an open minded. :) We sat hand in hand and took everything in... We poked fun of some of our surroundings and I finally got to see what one of his favorites bands was all about. I really can't see him at a Kelly Clarkson concert for me though. LOL. At the end of the show, we ran into this really heavy guy that was seated a few rows behind us. He had poked fun of him in the beginning of the night and thought it would be funny to push me into his "butt up front" as we were leaving. This is what I grabbed:



















I wanted to kill DB, but in the long run, it was pretty funny. After the show, we headed over to the OL and caught a few songs by Chubb Rock and a few drinkies. Then we headed back to my place where I found a "response" from Mama Dukes. He comforted me and we relaxed for as long as time would allow.

Saturday I spent the day recovering from being out so late with The Boy the night before. I relaxed, cleaned, watched some tube and counted down the hours until I would see DB again. Around 8, I headed out to Vin D's Comedy show in Westchester. I was supposed to meet up with Blade, LC, and a few others from work. The bar the show was at was way too small for all the people who came. We could barely hear the show and fights ensued, but anything for a good story, right? LOL. (I didn't pick any fights this time - LOL! Although I did back up my girlies.) As soon as we paid our check, we flew out of there. Just as I was getting into my car, DB called - his gig was done. We decided to meet up at a bar in Congers where his friend's band was playing. It was nice to seem him.... We enjoyed the band and chatted with his best buddy R (who had e-mailed me earlier that day that I was taking up too much of DB's time.... Oooops.) I got to see the infamous "Pancakes" play on his home made guitar and I made a new MySpace friend. :) Around 2 he wanted to head back to my place and R was a little sad to see us go, lol. I fell asleep on my boy and we cuddled for a bit and then he was gone. Match.com boy and GSB both called me while were out. I felt bad that they called, but part of me was feeling like I should take the calls given my situation with DB. I didn't though. And I feel good about my decision.

Sunday I woke up early and took frequent naps. I love not having to work on the weekends... Don't know how long that will last, so I am soaking it up now. I made the mistake of posting the picture I took below of DB and myself on MySpace and he was a little worried and asked me to take it down. In case you all haven't figured it out yet, he has a small situation going on and his privacy is very important to him. I got a little upset by his request and removed all references to him. Then he got mad that I was upset.... Silly. My cell phone wasn't working at around 10:30 ish and he tried calling me - twice - and the calls weren't coming through so he thought I was really pissed at him. LOL. Around 12:30 I got a VM indicator and called him back. He came over shortly after and we talked and hugged and realized that we are both really in love with one another, but things just seem so complicated. I was happy he came by and I am (once again) counting down the minutes until I see him again. We have Friday night planned out - it will be our first night spending the night together.... I am totally excited and I can't wait for Friday to be here. Then again, I am scared as to how I will feel Saturday morning when the night is over. I am so sad when I am not with him. :(

****This just in. I received an e-mail back from "B's" brother.
"It was a softball collision. He is doing better. He'll be fine." That's all I get after 3 years. How nice.

Anywho, I guess I should get some work done. The boss is out of the office and I am helping to hold down the fort. I guess since I am getting paid to be here, I might as well do something (that and the fact that I have a TON of work piling up. Hmmmm, lol).... LOL. 10-4 over and out.

We Are Too Cute...............

Aren't we just THE cutest thing?? This is us at the (my first of more to come, I think) Iron Maiden concert. I heart DB. ;)

I Was Right.....

My theory has always been, what goes up, must come down. Life is a roller coaster, yadda yadda. That's always been my thing when I have a bad day or when a friend is having a bad moment. My roller coaster was flying high for quite some time, but all good things must come to an end. This has been SUCH a crappy week :(. I think it will all gett better tonight when I see DB though. :) I guess my roller coaster hit bottom, but it seems to be going back up.... Just a few more hours until I spend the whole evening adoring my boy. I can't wait to get the heck out of work and get a drink and frolick in Manhattan with DB. LOL.

P.S. - Anyone know of any good apartments in my ara that allow dogs and that are affordable?? With everything going on with the brother, Mama Dukes is really on the last nerve. I need to move. I need my own space. ASAP.

10-4 over and out.

Is This Wrong?

A-hole, AKA my brother "Briberry," has decided to go back into the military - the reserves. Is it wrong that I hope that this jackass avid Bush supporter gets sent overseas? I truly hate his greedy, pathetic ass. It's terrible that I feel this way about my own flesh and blood, but I seriously can't stand him.
He's one of those people who knows what they can say to really get to you and throws it in your face.... He latest e-mail was his favorite rendition of how my father never loved me and how I never had any relationship with him. My brother really is a piece of work. 10-4 over and out.

I'm in it for the Long Run...

DB called me as soon as he woke up this morning. We had lunch together (2 hours, LOL) and things are good with us. I think I can handle this. At least for a little longer. I can't stop loving him because I fear the future. I have to learn to live and love in the here and now. Just seeing him made everything that happened yesterday seem better. I REALLY hate being this vulnerable. LOL. But, I like being in love with DB.

I Want the Fairytale....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars. Yesterday was a bad day all around. My morning started off with The OC picking a fight with me for no reason. She was let go from my company back at the end of June and has been without work since. She had one job offer about a month ago - worked one day and quit because it wasn't what she expected. I've been trying my best to help her find a job and keeping my eyes and ears open for anything that comes up that might be good for her. So, I was completely thrilled when she was hired last week for a really decent company. She was due to start this past Monday. Tuesday came and I e-mailed her inquiring how it went (she was off that day). Her e-mail back to me said that she was afraid to be honest with me for fear I would judge her. I asked, "Did you quit?" She said no, but she was being screwed by the girl who she will be replacing. I said, "What? How are you being screwed on the first day? What did she do?" She then calls me and rips into me about how dare I judge her and this is exactly what she was afraid of, etc. etc. Excuse me? How am I judging her because I was inquiring as to what happened?? I wound up just saying, "When you calm down, call me back." And I hung up on her. I let it go and didn't think about it for the rest of the day.

I get home to find a nasty e-mail from the brother.... It was one of his usuals - threatening me. I responded, calling him a child and to calm the f down. I also took this time to mentioned that he needs to keep his comments about me to himself and not try to control my mothers thoughts. I get a response not too long after saying that my mother has lied to me - he never said anything to her about me. Interesting.

Then the whole thing went down with my Kel-Kel. I don't think she intentionally hurt me - she never would and I know that. I just really hate when people lie and make up stories about me to make themselves look better (not Kel-Kel, just want to make this clear) and I really hate when my friends don't stick up for me and set the record straight. I realize she didn't think anything wrong of the situation and I am not angry with her. I am more angry at the person who caused all this nonsense and I wish he would just 'fess up and tell the truth about what really happened. (You hit on me and told me how you wanted me when I was 16 and how you thought people would consider you a pervert!) The whole thing is really pathetic and a certain other person is really a master manipulator. Kudos to you D.B. (not Drummer Boy), you know how to get exactly what you want.

To top off the evening, I did not see DB - I only received an e-mail from him. In my hour of pity, I broke down and called "B." His answering machine is no longer on. I call his cell. No answer. I e-mail him and again receive his out of office. He's still out of work?? It's been 2 weeks! "B" has never missed a day of work in his career and now he's out for 2 weeks? This must be serious. Now I am really worried. So much so, I e-mailed his brother this morning to find out just what the heck is going on.

I think the thing that bothered me most about last night is that this is the first time I didn't see DB two days in a row. Then yesterday all I received was a few e-mails. I'm starting to wonder about this situation. It's starting to weigh on me emotionally.... and physically. Is it so wrong for me to want the fairytale? I see all these other couples around me - spending the night with one another, doing double dates, practically living with one another. All DB and I have are a few stolen moments together here and there and I am just not sure I am up to the challenge. Relationships shouldn't be this hard - romantic ones or others. I love him - with all my heart, but I just don't know if I can do this. 10-4 over and out.

Setting the Record Straight....

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars.... In the last few months I have been annoyed and irritated a lot more often than I care to be. Maybe I should just cut people off because it seems to create more problems then they are worth.

I am going to say this once - loud and clear and in writing - and then I never want to be questioned on it again. Or called a liar.
Maggie Sue got married nearly two months ago. I spent days preparing to look good - for my man (at the time) "B." All I wanted was to look good on his arm, to have a great night with him, enjoy myself at the wedding and see my girls. I did not ask to be hit on, but I was. And it pissed "B" off, but it was done. I did not, repeat DID NOT ask to be hit on or doing the hitting. Did I give a certain person my phone number? Yes. Because he asked to keep in touch. That was all it was. Did it make me feel good to find out that a guy I had a crush on in high school had a huge crush on me too? Yes. Was I going to act on it? No. Did I ask his brother to come up to me and tell me how beautiful I looked and say, "Shit, my wife is coming."? No, I didn't. But some how, sure enough, I come off looking like the whore again and I did absolutely nothing. Seriously, people need to get off their high freaking horses.

I am really tired of having a 3rd party unknowingly stir things up. All I was trying to do was to do something nice - and again I get pooped on. I am so done with people. 10-4 over and out.

I've Fallen and I Can't.....

OK Kids, so as I mentioned in my last post, I fell yesterday. Pretty dumb move and it was damn embarrassing. I laughed at myself and Kel-Kel and Bucky enjoyed it as well. I was removing things from my storage facility and lost my footing on a weird lip/crack on the sidewalk ramp thing they have outside as I was pulling a chair down on a dolly. The way my foot landed on this crack, my foot turned on it's side (I do this a lot, LOL, usually when drunk) and I went crashing down. I landed flat on my back. My butt hurt and my ankle hurt a little. I thought nothing of it, shook it off and we kept moving.

Today, my back hurts. My neck hurts. My ankle and the side of my foot hurts. I have a pounding migraine. I am groggy and completely out of it. I go to lunch with my normal crew and they scared the crap out of me. "It could be a concussion - you should go to the ER AND you should sue!," they said to me. I said, "I just want to sleep." "No, don't sleep - you might never wake up again!," they replied..

I am about to poop myself and Mama Dukes is in Florida. :( 10-4 over and out.

I Like to Dip Them in a Parafin Wax....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... TGIF. I am happy to say I am working from home today (yea!) Mama Dukes left for Florida yesterday (YEA again - she's been getting on the last nerve lately with all this Briberry - the brother - sh*t going on) so I had to be home while the floor people install her new bedroom flooring.
I really should have just taken the day off because I am ssoo exhausted. However, it's our "busy time" and I can't afford to be out of the office this week or next. Argh, I hate my job, lol.
So, I have been neglecting my blog this past week because exhaustion has set in beyond my control. I am so tired I can't even fathom sleeping. Last weekend my Fantasia Party was cancelled due to so many last minute cancellations. However it's been rescheduled for tomorrow and come hell or high water, I am having the party. LOL. (I've also set up a MySpace website for my business, check, check, check it out... Bethany Fantasia) So, instead of the party last weekend, Kel-Kel, Andrea and I went to Friday's for some din-din and talk :) We hadn't seen Andrea in quite some time, so we spent the time catching up. After dinner, Andrea headed home and Kel-Kel and I headed over to The 'Burg to see my man's band play (and so she could finally meet the guy who brings such a HUGE smile to my face.) I was so excited to see him play and my Kel-Kel helped me out with trying to track down some new clients :) Kel-Kel had to awake early on Saturday AM, so we left around midnight and I rested up waiting for him to come over. :) It was a very nice night indeed.

Saturday - Woke up feeling like death. DB stopped by after his afternoon gig in my town (Town Day, LOL) and we hung out for as long as we could. I had to get ready to head into the Bronx for LC's housewarming party. He stayed too long and I was running late - I still needed to get a gift! I wound up getting to meet Blade on time and we headed over. I felt bad once we realized that so many people bailed on the party, but it was intimate and cool and we had a great time.

I am trying to recap this way too late and I can't remember everything else that happened... It's actually now Monday AM (I can't believe how fast this weekend went!!) Friday I worked from home as we had many repairs going on and Mama Dukes and AK are both in Florida visiting some family. Around 4:30 I cut out of work early (lol) and took a nap. I then headed up to Kel-Kel's for some dinner with her and Bucky (AKA RyRy - LOL. Sorry RyRy, I have to!) After dinner we headed back to their place and chatted and planned out my business cards. I had to leave around 10ish because I was supposed to see DB. I did a quick change and waited for him to call... We decided to head over to PR to see his buddies band play. We were one of about 5 people there. We didn't last that long, maybe 2 drinks. Then we headed back to my place where we hung out for a while (AKA - I passed out and he watched me sleep).

Saturday - I spent the whole day cleaning and preparing for my big shindig that evening. I had no clue who would show, all I knew is that I wanted to place to be spotless.... With 4 dogs and 2 cats, it was nearly impossible, but it was done. My house looked beautiful. I had some last minute purchases and errands to run and the booze I bought in the 24th hour (lol) proved to me a smart choice. :) The party was a success - I was a little too drunk, so next time I need to not drink. The girls had and fun and that's all that matters. DB came over after all the girls left and I, once again, passed out on him. I guess that's what happens when you drink 3/4 of a bottle of Stoli O. Ooops.

Sunday was another long day. Kel-Kel woke me up (I was awake bright and early, but went back to sleep.) We had planned on moving my stuff out of storage in the afternoon. Her sisters were unable to help, Bam-Bam (her sisters dog) bit my leg, I fell down and cracked my head and my ass, and by the end of the day we could only get the couch and chairs to her place. We need to go back another time to get the rest of the stuff. Hopefully after I recover from the fall. Yesterday the pain wasn't bad. Today I am hurting and I have a serious migraine. DB came by last night for about a 1/2 hour before work. He's too cute.

Thursday night he gave me a gift. He said the "L" word. I really do love this boy. I hurt when I don't see him. My heart actually hurts when I miss him. I told him I don't like this vulnerable side of me. :) I hope he comes by tonight. I need to get back to work now... This is my "crazy" time and since I don't feel well, it takes twice as long to get motivated to do something. I don't think OT is in my future tonight. Damn. I need a vacation. STAT. 10-4 over and out.

Flowers? For Me?

That's right Kids, DB sent me flowers at work today. I REALLY love this boy!!! The card read:
"Dear Baby,
Happy one month anniversary. See you tonight!

-Me
XOXOXO"

How sweet is he????
10-4 over and out.

What Goes Up..... Stays Up.

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars.... I am VERY excited and SO tired tonight. There are so many things I could/should be doing right now (i.e. preparing for my FIRST Fantasia home party that goes down tomorrow night!) However, I am so tired that all I can do is blog, LOL, as I wait for my man to come by. So, I must recap my wonderful weekend with DB before a new weekend starts....
Friday - Headed over to WP's with DB for SVU's b-day. The cop in him came out when we got to the area we'd be hanging out in (I felt so safe, LOL). We arrived a little late (due to his time constraints, LOL), but he got to meet Blade, Lore, and SVU which was nice. I was told later on that I was "not myself" at the party - I was "very subdued." We stayed for about 1 1/2 hours and then left. DB was not feeling well and we had another party we needed to stop by. We headed to Tappan and I finally got to really meet "R" his best friend. We stayed for a drink (or two) and then headed back to my place where we proceed to watch some Howard T.V. and talk :)

Saturday - Woke up early - I just can't seem to sleep much lately. I honestly don't remember what I did all day. I think I shopped with Mama Dukes and just waited around for the boy to call me. He came by around 10 and we were off to see Jackass Part 2 (Hilarious). When he arrived, he was a bottle of wine or so deep. It was cute to see him drink, but he really shouldn't have driven. We stopped for fuel and ran into his buddy "R" again. After the movie we headed back to my place and watch t.v. and relaxed (and had a few beers).

Sunday - I spent the day relaxing and the boy had to go back to work, so I didn't see him. :(

So, here we are, another Friday here and tonight is my big Sex Toy Party. A few people have dropped out. I dropped quite a few dollars on food and drink and I feel like I am not 100% prepared, but I am excited. I am hoping for some big sales and a fun time for all. Then I am heading over to the 'Burg to see my man plan in his second band. He came over last night (again - he was over Wed. night for a little while before work too) and it was two great nights in a row. I <3 my boy. Tomorrow is Lori's housewarming party, so I need to purchase a gift ASAP.

Anywho, before I get caught online, I must get going. 10-4 over and out.

"Even Your Hair Looks Fluffier...."

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars - TGIF! I finally got to see my Kel-Kel the other night (Yea!) I was going through withdrawal - it had been about 2 weeks I think?? Anyway, Wed. night she came by my place and we headed out for some pizza eats. After that, we headed down to NJ for some clothing shopping and $200 later I have some nice new Fall outfits. ;) Everything fits great, which just reiterates that I am in fact losing weight. (Turns out DB is a member at PF and I think we might start working out together.... LOL) My Kel-Kel said that she has never seen me so happy - that I am probably not eating because I am in love - and that "Even (my) hair looks fluffier!" I don't think I have ever been this happy. However, due to a certain issue, I decided to accept a date with Dr.'s Office Boy. We were supposed to go out Thursday night, but when he never called, I deemed it a blessing in disguise. Then he called around 7PM and I ignored the call. I don't want to do anything to screw this up with DB.

So, last night at 8PM to see him play baseball over in the 'Burg. I was a little intimidated when I got there... I wasn't sure what to expect. However, I finally got out of the car and he came over to greet me. At first, I wasn't sure he was happy to see me, but then we started talking and I knew he was happy. :) I watched his team get spanked 25-5, LOL. Most of his team members were really nice to me and they all complimented my staying power as a fan (since it was 12 degrees last night. OK, it was 60 degrees, but I am always cold, remember? LOL). I hung in as long as I could and by the 9th inning and they only had one out and still had last licks coming up, I just couldn't take it anymore. It was nice to see him catch and play in the out field, but the cold weather was doing me in. I left around 10:45 and picked us up some beers and went back to my place. About 20 minutes later he came by and we chilled with Mama Dukes for a bit and then watched some Howard on Demand.

We wound up talking for a half hour about some thing - one being my date that never was. I felt like I needed to be honest with him. It is so nice to talk to someone who can be serious and can joke. We talked about some other serious things going on with us.... I just love talking to him.... Then kissing ensued and I just can't get enough of his kisses. Then something slipped out.... I was laying on his chest and I uttered, "I just love you." Ughhhhhh. Damn beer. He hugged me and didn't say it back, but I know what he is thinking and what he is feeling (I can't really get into it here...) I know I am moments away from hearing it out of his mouth. I think I fell asleep because the next thing I knew, he was saying to me, "I should get going.... It's late." It was 3:30AM. I walked him out and he was gone. I wish he could spend the night, but that is all in due time :).

When I got to work this morning, there was an e-mail from him saying how happy he was that we talked, how relaxed he feels in my home, asking me which uniform I prefer - the police officer or the baseball player, and telling me he will see me tonight for SVU's b-day. He passed the mom test, now it's time to meet some of the friends.... LOL.

I am SO exhausted - I am sure there is more to write, but I really just need a nap right now. I'll update you kids later. ;)

A Great Day Indeed!

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... I LOVE BEING OFF FROM WORK! Last night DB stopped by before his shift <3 and we chatted for a bit. He then headed off to work knowing that today he would be coming by this morning. :) I slept well knowing this. Mama Dukes came home last night and I told her it would be an early morning for her today, LOL. Around 10AM he called (after his breakfast party with his "Crew") and he came by shortly after. Mama Dukes stuck around - she was dying to meet him. Oddly enough, they really hit it off. She left shortly after that and then he and I listened to Howard on my computer and talked about my upcoming court appearance in the afternoon. I had to be there at 12:30, so he walked me out to my car and followed me to the court house to make sure I got there OK. Lucky me to have met such a sweet guy, he got the ticket and all fines waived. :) I <3 this boy! He must rank fairly high because the DA walked in my paperwork and personally spoke to the judge. So here I sit, counting down the minutes until I see him again (hopefully tonight after I have din-din with my Kel-Kel). Mama Dukes just phoned me to say, "I really wanted to hate him because of his situation, but I absolutely LOVED him. I can see why you are so crazy about him and I can definitely see you two together." Awwwwwwwe. I really hope this one works out. I'm on cloud nine. 10-4 over and out.

Our First Fight?

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Tuesday (I am off tomorrow - yea!! Not for fun reasons, but a day off from work is a great day indeed.) Actually, the morning half will be fun.... DB will be coming over after his shift to nap with me for a bit (how cute is he??)

So, last night he stopped by before his shift and we ran some errands (he brought me bottled water, too cute). After the errands, we went back to my place and talked. The talk turned into a big, deep, conversation about marriage and children and what we are both looking for and want. We aren't in 100% agreement and then he had to leave for work, so we left things open. And hour later, he called me and we talked some more. I wound up in tears as we discussed how much we are crazy for one another, how scared we both are, and what we want right now and for the future. We both hung up thinking it was over or going to be over with us, but not wanting that to be the case. We decided to leave things as they are and talk again when we see one another.... This conversation was best left as an in person conversation.
So, this morning I e-mailed him the following:
Hi..... I don't know if last night constitutes as a "fight" per se, but whatever it was, I am glad we worked through it and things are a little bit clearer now (at least when it comes to you understanding my position and that you realized I am not trying to marry you after 2 1/2 weeks - just that I would like to at one point get married to someone, LOL). Anyway, enough about that. Are you coming by again tonight?

I miss you.
Love,
me"

I didn't hear back from him and I worried. Then, I received the following e-mail from him:
"Hi girlfriend... A fight? No way lol. That was just two intelligent people that feel comfortable enough with each other to speak their minds, which is an important element of a healthy relationship. Do I sound like Dr. Phil yet? Seriously, I'm so glad that we can talk about things that matter to us. I would never want to be with anyone that I couldn't do that with. And I always want you to tell me what you're feeling, good or bad. Honestly, I was scared that you were going to make a decision about me based on what we talked about. I'm really happy that you're willing to give me a chance and to see how things go. You've become an important part of my life in a short time which says a lot. I know I'm tight lipped sometimes about things but I want you to know that I am crazy about you too! I want you to be happy and if I make you happy then I want to be there with you for the ride. OK?"

He wrote some more things, but those were REALLY private, so I will keep those to myself. ;) I am so totally head over heels for this guy, you just have no idea. I <3 DB.

Julio - where is my PBA from you??? 10-4 over and out.

Where Have All My....

Commenters gone?? I've gotten no responses lately - are you people still reading me?? LOL.

10-4 over and out.

Is God Playing a Cruel Joke? LOL

G'Afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... So, as I told you, I have a kidney infection. So the other day while I was at the Dr.'s office, before DB showed up, I mentioned that this guy sat down next to me and started talking to me. I saw him before he left and he told me to have a great weekend and he was off.

Turns out, he's been e-mailing me for the last few weeks on Match.com. He e-mailed me this morning and mentioned how we had already met and reminded me that I "helped" him get a sick note. Now he wants to get together - gave me his phone #. Had I cancelled my Match subscription as I planned, I never would have known. But I never got around to canceling my subscription....

How weird is this?? How cruel a joke is this?? He's Irish, in law enforcement, cute, tall, single - all the things I normally look for in a guy. Ugh....

I spent last night with DB and it was the best of the best (again). We both agreed that every time we get together that it just gets better and better and we are starting to miss one another wildly when we aren't together. I <3 him, but he isn't 100% available. What should I do?? :( I saw his band last night and I was so happy to just be watching him play. And, I resisted all temptations to drink!!

I woke up this morning to an e-mail from him, "I will be thinking about you today... All day. ;)" How adorable is he? He understood why I couldn't come to his gig today - it would just be too hard on me. I'm hoping he does a stop by tonight.

10-4 over and out.

A Thoughtful Gesture....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars... It's sssooo early this rainy Saturday morning and I am wide awake. Over the last few days I realized I might be coming down a bladder infection (Yuck!). However, Thursday night my left side started to hurt and I realized it might be my kidney's instead.... (Ouch!) When I went out with DB Thursday night we talked about it and he seemed so concerned (so cute). Friday AM it was much worse and I realized it was time to head to the Dr. So after work, off I went. It's a walk in place, so I settled into my seat and read some magazines. This guy sits down next to me and we start chatting. Turns out he's a correction officer... Totally flirting with me - tells me where he hangs out. All I could think about was DB. :) The guy finally went into the office. I look outside to check on the rain and I see a familiar car circling the lot. It pulls up to my car and slows down. It's DB. The night before I told him where my Dr.'s office was. A few minutes later he came inside. He wanted to make sure I was OK.... HOW FRIGGIN CUTE AND THOUGHTFUL IS HE??? I don't think that even in my wildest dreams about the love of my life I would have ever assumed this. He waited while I went in and got checked out (it's either a kidney infection or kidney stones - lovely) and then we just hung out for a while talking (he had to be somewhere at 9). It was nice to see him for the few short hours I did. Plus we cleared up some things and now I have a label. "Girlfriend." Awwwwwwwe, LOL. He had to go back to work that night after a 10 day vacation, so seeing him will be getting harder, I really need my own place ASAP. Getting that roomie I talked about might actually be in the works, as much as I hate to rent. Anywho, he didn't want to stop by my place that night when he was on duty because he wanted me to be rested up for his gig tonight (Saturday night) and healthy for his other gig (Sunday afternoon). Of course, if I find a roomie, I would sssooo need to stay in this area ;) for those midnight drop by's. I <3 this boy!!! 10-4 over and out.

It Just Keeps Going and Going....

G'Afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Friday! So last night I spent the evening with DB again and again it was a fantastic time. I could never before imagine myself being so at ease with someone like I am with him. When something is on my mind, he can tell. And we talk about it. And there is no joking, no sarcasm, no rude comments. (I mean, we joke and have a good time, but we know when to be serious and he knows when I am being serious and doesn't hide his feelings with sarcasm).

Today is our two week anniversary of when we met/started dating. It's also two weeks since I ended things with "B." It's so scary how easily I was able to forget him and move on. Then again, how I can miss something that was never really there?

I never really knew how badly "B" had screwed me up when it came to relationships. I guess I never really fully trusted him. I never realized how dysfunctional we were. And now that I have something really fantastic, I am scared out of my mind that I will lose it. And this something I don't think I could bare to lose.

Is it possible to be best friends with someone after only 2 weeks?? And be madly, crazy about them? :) 10-4 over and out..... I am SO glad it's the weekend.