Who the Hell Do I Know in Asbury Park, NJ??

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Although I said I was checking out for a while, I find that this might be a helpful outlet for me. Because, right now, there seems like there is no help for me. I am absolutely the most miserable person to be around. I can't even stand to be around me.

I won't get into specifics about the DB break up. All I will tell you is that I have never been this hurt and miserable. I almost feel crazy. I cry at the drop of a hat. It's all I can talk about - people don't know what to say to me. All I know is that I can now honestly say that I know what love is. I realized that I loved "B," but I am not 100% sure I was in love with him. I NEVER felt like this when we broke up (all 3 times).

I am going to my doctor today... I can't stand this perpetual lump in my throat, this weight on my shoulders, my thoughts always circling back to him. Apparently, he is going to give something to me to help ease the pain. It's amazing how someone can get into your mind so badly. And now I start rethinking everything that was said to me. I start remembering he is a cop and to me, all cops are pigs (Sorry Julio). I just want to know, when does it get better? When does it get easier? I ran into him Wed. His Chiro is by my job and I saw him and pulled over. We talked - he was mean - he said he's e-mail me and left. I haven't gotten anything from him yet. He told me I don't keep my word - that I broke his trust. So his word means nothing?

Then last night, The Bunny and I ran around to finish up X-mas shopping. We went to the Mill for some dinner (I finally got a normal portion down). Who's there? "B." And no, I am not kidding. The rest of the crowd was, of course, all police men. Fabulous. We made plans to hang with some of them later on tonight (after midnight), but we'll see where the night takes us. I am supposed to visit Kel-Kel and hear her words of wisdom. For now, I'm off to the Dr. and hopefully he can help... Because of the love in the world from my awesome friends doesn't seem to be helping right now.... 10-4 over and out.

Someone from Asbury Park, NJ has been checking out my site a lot. WHo the heck are ya? :)