30 Is The New 20? I'm Not So Sure.... LOL

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars. 30. 30. 30. 30. I keep playing that number over and over in my head.
30 and....
Not married.
No kids.
No home of my own.

Ugh.... 30. 30 and single is even worse. Especially when you were in a relationship just prior to turning thirty that you thought was THE relationship. Looking back, it wasn't. I don't want to go off on a DB tangent right now, but I do need to mention what's been going on there - only because he still has the power to make me shake, puke, and stress out. And trust me, I am not giving him the power, it's just how my body reacts. So here's the story (drama) fasten your seatbelts because the reaction I've been getting thus far has not been good. Two Saturdays ago, The Bunny and I went out to see Dank in P-Town. We had a blast and partied it up in P-Town until 2 AM. ****This was, of course after I shopped all day with my Kel-Kel and Maggie Sue AND I got to see little Syd - awwwwwwwe :P **** After Dank wrapped up, we all headed back towards The 'Burg and over to our stomping grounds. We avoided The 'Burg Friday night since DB's band was playing, so Saturday we figured it would be all clear. And it was. Until 3:50AM. (Who goes to a bar at 3:50AM??) DB walked in and my body physically reacted. I was immediately sick to my stomach and I began to shake. It only made it that much worse that the bastard was ON A DATE. I looked outside - the prick parked NEXT to The Bunny's car, so he knew we were in there. He purposely came in to start trouble and my stomach just couldn't take it. Now, I had been drinking for part of the night, so I reacted poorly. I walked outside when they called last call. The bartender gave us some sodies to go and The Bunny asked me to hold them. DB walked out right after me with his date. He looked at me like I was garbage and I became enraged. I smirked at him then said, "Um, Sweetie, be careful. He wets the bed." Then I threw one of the drinks at them. (Somehow I became 5 years old over the course of those last 10 minutes of the night.)

***Side note - OMG - just retelling this story is making me sick.....***

OK, so I throw the drink and they both turn and stare me down. I smile and walk back into the bar. And yes, before you ask, his date was old and hideous. LOL. So I go in and tell The Bunny what I did. She yells at me, I walked back outside as he was pulling out. I threw the other drink at his windshield. The Bunny came out just as I was doing it and pulled me into the car. Off to Dank's we went. I was so mad, I was almost seething. I was glad I didn't drive and glad I got out of there. I have to say, I was in no shape to make any decisions about staying once he walked in - I wished The Bunny would have gotten me out of there ASAP - but I also don't want him thinking he is going to run me out of one of my favorite bars or make me change anything about my life. I'm not sure which way to go with this. Anyway, we drove home around 5AM and passed out - the ending to my evening. I was sick all ay Sunday, thinking it was a hangover, I just layed in bed - intermittantly puking here and there. When Monday came and I was still throwing up, I realized it was the flu and not a hangover. I stayed home from work and rested as much as I could. 7:30 PM rolls around and my doorbell rings. WTF? I answer it - in my jammies, teeth unbrushed, wrapped in a blanket. It's 2 police officers from DB's department. They flash one badge at me and ask to come in... I warn them I am sick and invited them in.

I got the usual - Where were you Saturday night - who was I with - what happened. Not once did they tell me why they were there. Mama Dukes comes home - I tell her who they are - she simply replies, "Why are you here?" A question I never thought to ask. Duh.
Sargeant Dick: "There was some property damage done to some of DB's property."
Mama Dukes: "And you think Bethany had something to do with it?"
SD: "We are just finding out what happened on the night in question."
MD: "What was done?"
SD: "We aren't at liberty to say."
MD: "He is crazy. He's a diabetic, alcohic, crazy person. My daughter had nothing to do with anything that may or may not have been done. He's absolutely crazy. He tried to rape my daughter, assaulted her and all of you 'cops' stick together."
SD: "Well, I won't agree with that -we are just here for the facts."

I give them The Bunny's number as her and Dank are my alibi's, they thank me for my time and leave. 24 hours later, they arrive at The Bunny's house. WTF? Are they really serious here? This is going above and beyond at this point and DB's games are quite ENOUGH. They questioned her for about 30 minutes and since WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, our stories were the same. They tried to scare her into confessing something and when they finally realized there was nothing for her to confess, they left. How aggravating. Since last Tuesday, we haven't heard a thing. However, my stomach is all over the place upset with fear and stress that this crazy son of a bitch can get away with harassing us, making up stories, and having his friends come to my home and interrogate me. Luckily for me, I have some knowledgable friends in law enforcement - thank you Julio and Meat!!!! <3 <3 <3

So, that was that. Now, can anyone tell me why I am still thinking about that crazy SOB and why I miss the good times we had? Please God, let it only be because I'm lonely that it's now Christmas time.

Welcome back to the drama filled life of Bethany, Readers.... LOL. 10-4 over and out.l

Holy Thirties....

Hello? Can anyone hear me? Wow. It's been a long time. I actually came back on here a few months ago and started a long post and just now deleted it. Life has been so busy and crazy I couldn't find time to blog. How does that even happen? Especially when I don't have children or my own home to tend to? So, even though it's not New Years yet, I'm making a resolution. I need this space to vent, to be creative, and just to keep a journal of my life. So here we go again. I was going to summarize what's been going on in my life since I stopped blogging, but what's the point? I mean, I've always hoped this would turn into a best seller some day, but I have a great memory and some things are just better off left unwritten. I wish I could unwrite the last year of my life, but everything happens for a reason, right?

So here we go again. Welcome back...

Chchch..... Changes!

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Lots of things going on for Bethany lately...

First off, as you all know, I am working the two jobs. Well, now I will be doing volunteer Family and Marriage counseling two nights a week, trying to get back into school for my Masters and possibly working across the bridge (If all goes well!)

Also, let's not forget MY VACATION that's coming up fast and furious! As I was trying to sleep one night last week, I received the following text messages from Carrie:
"What day are you flying in? Do you need me to pick you up for the airport?"
"The party bus is on Thursday Night. We are going to a strip club and bars. There are going to be 34 people on the bus."
"Cool. We are going to party like animals. There are many single men that will be on the bus!"
Oh geez. That's the LAST thing I need. I just want to party with my girl and the bride to be - Winkie :).

This past weekend was a semi bust. Since I had to work all day Saturday, I knew I didn't want to go out Friday night. However, with the snow storm we received, I planned on not going anywhere after I left work at 1 PM (My company was closing at 2). When I got home, I relaxed and watched some t.v. and waited for DB to come over. He stopped by before work and then I headed to bed.

Saturday I was not a happy campper. Here we are, St. Patty's Day and I have to work a 14 hour shift. :( I made due though and headed over to 32 with a smile on my face. The day went fairly smoothly, it wasn't as busy as I thought it was going to be. And I definitely didn't make the money I expected to make (I was being told I would make enough to pay rent for a month and I walked with less than $200 - ARGH!) However, Kel-Kel, Maggie Sue, Ry-Ry, Left Eye, Laurie, Amy (And her man, I didn't catch his name) stopped in for a few frosty beverages and that made the day better. :) Of course Kel-Kel stayed sober (she did have a drink or two though, yea!). After my shift finally ended (11:30 PM) I was able to sit with the group and enjoy a few laughs, take a few pictures, and chat it up with Maggie Sue. It was nice to talk to her and air some things that went wrong and clear up some miscommunications. I'm happy to say I believe it will be a new beginning for us. :) It was nice to see her as the happy married woman she's become.... I felt a little lonely being without DB while my friends were all happily with their significant others, but I guess that's the price I pay, right? After a few drinkies, new mommy Maggie wanted to get back to "Grandmas" to see her little girl. (I got an Easter pic and little Syd is too cute!) I called DB when I was leaving and he was on his way to a call, so I just went home. I returned a call to Doogie and he called back soon after. We talked for a bit and then he decided to swing by.

(Part of) The Pooh Crew - Back Again!

Aren't we cute? This is just one pic from St. Patty's. I'll post more ASAP.

I am SUCH a Girl!!!

Take a look at my new laptop - to be shipped next week. Courtesy of Sony, Mama Dukes & my Discover Card, LOL!!! It's Pretty in Pink!:

I Think My Vacation Was Approved??

My boss just called from Vancouver...
"Hi - how are you feeling?," he asks.
"Better, thanks," I say - short and sweet.
"So - the orders came in. That's great. Can you take care of X, Y & Z before you go on vacation?"
WHAT?? It's approved??

I AM SO BOOKING IT NOW. 10-4 over and out.

Weekend Recap...

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday - OK, not really. Where do I begin? My boss is an a-hole. Last Thursday I had to work from home because the Honda people were coming to inspect my car and they gave me a time frame of 12-5. How nice. Instead of driving in to the office and working from 8:30-11:30 I just stayed home. (Of course DB stopped by on his way home - awwwwe). My boss STILL hasn't signed my time off request. So, as you can imagine, I'm annoyed with him. Then all day he gave me attitude via e-mail. F him. After working all day for his attitude, I had to work at 32.

P.S. - The Honda guy showed up 10 minutes after I fell asleep on my lunch hour. I was SO annoyed!

Friday - Woke up feeling like crap. I'd had a headache (migraine) for 2 days straight and was NOT in the mood for the boss (DM). When I got to the office, I couldn't handle it. I needed to leave. So, an hour later I was on my way home. I decided, F Him - he can deal with my clients for the day. I couldn't even hold my head up. On my way home, I broke down and started crying. Hysterically, like a baby. It was uncontrollable. I was glad when I got home. I popped a Valium and slept like a baby. I wound up staying in all night - DB stopped by before work to check in on me and The Bunny called / text messaged me most of the night to check in.

Saturday - Woke up to DB's text that he was on his way over. He came by for about an hour to see how I was doing. After he left, I get a text from The Bunny, "Call me ASAP." It was 9:30 AM. The Bunny is NEVER awake that early on a Saturday. I call her. "I'm in The 'Burg. Couldn't drive last night. My car is at Rhodes." She laughs. I laugh. I wound up going to pick her up. She wasn't in The 'Burg. LOL. She was actually 10 or so minutes outside of The 'Burg. I circled around a bit looking for her. When I finally found her - standing on 17 LOL - we went to get some bagels and chatted for a bit. I finally dropped her at her car and went home. We made plans to get our nails done after 3 and we were off. 3 came and The Bunny was too hungover to go out. I can't say I wasn't pissed. I was. I waited 4 hours for her to get some rest, so PMS reared it's ugly head and I was mad. I wound up staying in Saturday night just relaxing and watching movies. DB stopped by again before work and then I was off to dreamland again.

Sunday - Mama Dukes had her shopping face on so that's what we did. For 3 long hours. I made out like a bandit on Mama Dukes dime, so I can't complain. :)

So, here I am at work again. I can't tell you how miserably depressed I am working here. The only good thing is, I put name in the running for a new position here. I'm hoping it comes through as it would open A LOT of doors for me. My boss has still yet to approve my vacation time, so it looks like I won't be going to Winkie's wedding. I am NOT happy. Wednesday at lunch I start this volunteer program I am getting into. I am going to be a volunteer counselor. I am hoping it will open my eyes to see if it is really something I want to get into... And if it is, I hope it counts as an internship when I do finally get my a** back into school! :) Tonight I am dropping Kelly (My Accord) off at Honda. It's going to be a sad day :( Although I am still loving my new ride (dent and all). Things with DB are going well. I hate to say it was The Bunny that caused our fights because I really don't believe that - but, as I said things are going pretty well. LOL. (Sorry Bunny). The only good thing now is that The Bunny and I no longer hold anything back - we just say what's on our mind. I think all of this might have made us closer. I just wish everything could be simple again. Maybe one day. Anyway, I am off for now, I guess I should take advantage of my boss being out of the office so I can get stuff done without him bothering me. 10-4 over and out.

Time to Address Some Things....

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... It's time for me to address some things.

I received an e-mail last Friday that still has me (somewhat) seething. I don't like when people *think* they know it all and try to psychoanalyze me.

First off, my relationship with DB is NOTHING like my relationship with "B." As a matter of fact, it is quite the 180. Does he have some faults? Yes, he sure does. But so do we all.

Secondly, my boss is a drama queen. He freaks out when I take a 1/2 day, let alone take a personal call. He makes comments all the time and what bothers me is that he is insisting on blaming my time off lately on DB. So when I get comments from him that I am "not mentally here," it pisses me off because I am here so much it's sickening. (Down the fact that he is NOT approving my vacation request for my trip to AZ - more on that to come.) What it boils down to is that my boss is a lazy fuck who makes 6 figures because dumb asses like me work our fingers to the bone to keep him on the high horse he rode in on. So my job is not suffering from DB. Do we have spats while I am here? Yes. Did I have to leave early once? Yes. However, I am much stronger now then what I was around Christmas time. I am not his toy or play thing. If that were the case, he wouldn't be going through the tough time he is going through right now to be with me and get his life together.

Thirdly, I did not scratch my car because my "head isn't screwed on straight" and because I am "too preoccupied with DB." I scratched the car because I moving out of the way of a tractor trailer and took a turn too tightly (and maybe slightly because I am a bad driver and not used to such a big car just yet). And yes, I guarantee that 90% of people would have left the scene if they knew they could get away with it. However, that is not why I did it. I left because I was in shock that it happened at all and my immediate reaction was to flee. As I was fleeing I called The Bunny who tried to calm me down and told me she would have done the same thing. I called Mama Dukes who also said, "I would've done the same thing." DB wasn't even in my thoughts. Until I realized I broke the law and he's a cop.

Fourth and final, I have thought about what happens if I get rid of The Bunny for the sake of keeping DB and then, in turn, things don't work out with DB. I have racked my brain with outcomes - been sick to my stomach with guilt - and have talked this situation out with 2 very close people to me until I couldn't talk about it any more. It's not as if DB said, "You have to do this," and I did it. And it's not even as though she is completely out of my life. People need to start getting all their facts before throwing stones. What people also need to realize is that DB has his reasons for not liking The Bunny. Do I agree with him for making me choose? No. Do I think he has some valid points? Yes. Yes, I did work hard to repair my relationship with her, but I am also working hard with him to keep our relationship working. So I am literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. Casting judgment on me "as a friend" doesn't make it right and it's not OK.

DB may seem like a "bad guy," but we are in a tough situation and it makes our relationship strained from the start. If we didn't love each other as much as we do, we would just walk away. But that's the easiest way out - walking away. So, as much as I sometimes need an ear and a shoulder to cry on - and I come on here and vent, I'm sorry but keep your opinions to yourself and stop trying to psychoanalyze me. 10-4 over and out.

Weekend Recap....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars. Happy Monday. Caution, long post ahead.

So, let me start off with some good news. I went down the the Jersey shore Friday afternoon with Mama Dukes to see my brothers. We needed to get a bunch of paperwork signed and what not for our stocks and it feels good to finally have a huge chunk of this issue taken care of. It also felt good to know that my father kind of took care of us by buying into these stocks. Briberry and I made out pretty well and it feels good. It was also nice to spend the day with Mama Dukes - the two hour ride there and back gave us some time to catch up. I also took her out for her birthday dinner (her birthday is today). (Shut up RyRy, but we went to Charlie Brown's, LOL. The salad bar was AWESOME.) Briberry was decent to me - smiled and was pleasant. The other Brother (not to be confused with "The Other Sister," because he's not retarded, but you might not know it by looking at him), was a prick. An all out, first class, a-hole. He wouldn't look at my mother or eye, talk to us, or even SIT near us. Honestly, is it really worth all this because of money?? Grow-up already.

When we got home, I napped for a bit since it was a long day (working in the AM, driving for 4 hours, and dealing with the brothers... It was stressful.) Around 11 I headed over to Casa to see DB play. It was DB's and my 6 month anniversary and Casa is where we met. He sent a BEAUTIFUL bouquet of flowers to my job in the AM. He's being very sweet lately. I stayed about an hour and watched him... Then I headed over to 32. I thought for sure The Bunny would show up - at least for a drink - but she didn't. I chatted with Irish Boy and had a drink while I waited for DB to finish up. As I was sitting there - semi incognito - the new girl was talking about how she "loves" working at 32. We'll call her BG (Bohemian Girl.) She had no clue I was sitting there. "I just love working here. It's the best place I've ever worked," she goes on and on to Irish Boy. Obviously kissing his ass. "I just love everyone that works here. Except Bethany." Hahahaha.... Irish Boy says, "Well, Bethany is right there," and points to me. She almost died. "I, I, I, didn't mean it like that....," she stammers as she tried to explain herself to me. "Stop," I say. "I don't care. I don't care about you. I don't like you. Only speak to me when spoken to." Then I turn my back to her. What a moron. LOL. I left shortly after and met up with DB at my house. We hung out until the wee hours (AKA, until I fell asleep, LOL).

Saturday - Woke up and lounged for most of the day. Chatted with Doogie online and then we decided to meet up at the mall for some eats and a chat. I raced around getting the nails done and what not then met him at The Outback. We spent some time there having some yummy foods and chatting away. It's always good to hear his perspective on things. He's so laid back since he got home and always has good comedic effect. :) After lunch, we headed to Barnes & Noble and checked out some books. I needed to get home soon after so we hugged and said good-bye. After I fed the pooches, I lounged around some more and then decided I was going to go to the movies - whether I had someone to go with or not. No one wanted to go, so I headed out and got to enjoy Zodiac all by my lonesome. It felt good to not have to worry about whether anyone else wanted to see it, listen to them talk, have to find two good seats.... I settled in and enjoyed the THREE hour movie all alone. It was a great flick! Definitely too long though, LOL. After the movie I headed over to DB's gig right near my house and sat in on the last 3 songs. As much as I hate the music (LOL), they sounded good and he made me proud :). I talked to him for a few then went back to my house. He came over a little while later and we relaxed and watched t.v. until I (once again) fell asleep.

Sunday - Mama Dukes headed off to AC with her her BFF. I had the house to myself, ahhh. I got so much done and it felt good! DB came over at night, we watched Waiting and cuddled. All in all, a nice weekend. 10-4 over and out.

One of the Shittiest.Days.Ever.....

Hi there Kids & Porn Stars. Not only was I ridiculously tired when I woke up this morning, it was the last day of the month. Which means, for my job, end of month billing. My boss on our ass - ALL DAY. I'm used to it, so it was OK. Plus I had the privilege of thinking about how I would be at Wing Night all night after work. And Weight Watchers in between - and oh how I love getting weighed in. I got through the day, got Mica her first car wash and before I knew it, it was 5.

***Side note, I didn't know how I was going to tell The Bunny something, but I knew I had to tell her and I was worried sick at how receptive she'd be. More on this story to come. So I add this added stress on me when I woke up this morning.***

I leave work at 5 and head over to WW to meet Kel-Kel and her Mama Dukes. The parking lot is FULL. I head down one lane which is normally (though not set in stone) a one way. In front of me is a huge truck. So I move to the right in Mica and let him by. I see and open spot. My brain says, "Back it in." But did I listen?? Noooooo. I took the turn too sharp and HIT THE CAR TO THE RIGHT OF ME. It was a tap, so I tried to back up. CCCCRRRRUUUUNNNNCCCCHHHH. SHIT! I get out of the car and look. My car is pretty scratched on the right side. MY NEW CAR. Scratched up. Temporary plates on the car. I look at the other car. The bumper was on the ground and it was pretty messed up. Fuck!!!!!! I look at my car - no license plates. I look around. No one's looking. Adios! I left the scene. I am a criminal. I shouldn't even be writing about this, but I am so guilt stricken. The car I hot was old and the bumper was already banged up - it doesn't make it right though. (So Kel-Kel, this is why I was a no show...) I was shaking and sick to my stomach. I sped to work and hopped out and looked at my car. It's not that bad, but I am getting it fixed ASAP. I feel like and a-hole. I really, truly do. And usually, I don't feel bad about things. Anyone who I've told has been making me feel like a really huge turd, but I know damn well that anyone else (with the exception of Kel-Kel) would have done the same thing. ADMIT IT!

I called The Bunny - who seemed like she wanted nothing to do with any of it. DB couldn't get out to see me, but as long as I was "OK," he assumed it was OK. Mama Dukes *thought* I was OK. I really needed someone to comfort me, I was shaking and pukey, but no one seemed to want to be bothered coming to see me. I made it through the shift - all along thinking about how I am just not meant to have a nice, shiny, new car... And to top that off, 32 decided to put THREE servers on and it was a dead night. So I walked with $80 - for the night. I was NOT happy. And Irish Boy heard the wrath of me. Not to mention, the 3rd server was BBB's Friend who started a week ago. She sucks, she's annoying, and, she's ugly. I had quite a few things to say about that as well. LOL. I'm sure she thinks I'm the biggest bitch alive, but you know what? We pool our tips and I don't work for F***ing free. I'm obviously there to make money. And if she EVER makes one more comment about how much I am on my cell phone, I will take one of her cigarettes and put it out in her eye. :) xoxoxoxo.

OK, so onto DB... I refrained from calling him on Tuesday. I knew it was best. (A BIG hug & thanks to Kel-Kel and RyRy who let me cry on their shoulders Monday night and gave me pizza, lol and a BIG hug & thanks to Doogie for taking me to lunch on Tuesday and talking me through this.... You guys are the best.) Around 1 AM I get a text message from DB asking if I was awake and if I wanted to talk. So he called and we talked for almost 2 hours. All about - you guessed it - The Bunny. He wants her out of my life - at least until she gets help for her "drinking problem" and stays sober for at least 6 months after. The Bunny is a self described free spirit - and she certainly isn't going to change because MY boyfriend wants her too. And she shouldn't. In order to keep the peace and work things out, I told him I would talk to her. However, in my mind, I keep thinking about all the good times that would vanish if she were to leave my life and I started to get sick to my stomach. However, DB and I made up and things are good. Part of me wants to test it and see if The Bunny really is "the problem" as he likes to think. However, part of me wants to kick him in the nuts for ever trying to make me choose. However, now it seems I am getting attitude from her and I feel like I am the one getting the shit end of the stick here because I am the one in the middle. Why does everything have to be so frustrating?

I'm at a loss - no pun intended. 10-4 over and out.

Sorry, Back to Private....

How sick is it that I'm afraid he will somehow read this and get even angrier with me.

When did I become this person? :( I don't even recognize myself anymore.

10-4 over and out.

Again, I Get "The Talk" From My Boss....

So DB sent me a nasty e-mail yesterday - while I was at work - ending our relationship because he hates The Bunny.

Fine.

But, to do it while I'm at work? Not fine. So I, of course, was hysterically crying at my desk. I called Mama Dukes and she was no help. She made me angrier with some of the dumb sounding questions she was asking. I know she didn't know what to say and I know she was just trying to keep my mind off of it while I counted down until 5. Of course, The Boss comes over to my desk at 4:50 and sees the tears streaming down my face. This morning I get this e-mail from him:

"Please come in to my office and let me know where you are at with JM orders and billing - the # was 12m yesterday with 300 unbilled orders."

F*ck. I go into his office with the biggest, fakest smile I can muster.

"Beth!," he yells. "What's going on?" I smile and say, "Nothing, what's up?"
"You are on this emotional roller coaster and I don't know what to do to help you," he says. "I need you HERE right now - we just lost a huge client and my numbers are low. I need all hands on deck."

The LAST thing I need right now is to lose my job. Could anything else go bad for me right now?? ARGH!!!

Back to an Open Blog...

It seems a lot of people have trouble getting into and viewing my blog... So I am back to having an open blog until I can get this figured out. This is so frustrating.

I guess it really doesn't matter anyway, now does it?

I am SO miserable right now. :( 10-4 over and out.

No Time For My Drama??

Ugh!!!!!!! I am completely at a loss for words. So last night DB said he wasn't coming over and that was it. He shut his cell phone off. I messaged him that I wasn't sure why he was ignoring me, etc. I won't lie, part of me believes he shut his phone off because he was going out with someone else - a friend, I don't believe he'd cheat on me (I know, I know, how ironic). Anyway, I wanted to drive by his house. And I really considered doing it. But, the angel on my shoulder talked me out of it. I popped a valium and went off to dreamland.

Today, no response. Nothing. I e-mailed his twice this morning and messaged him again. I finally gave up and messaged him, "You win." I get this back:
"The kids are home today. Sorry but I have a life aside from your drama. Did you call my house at 11:30 last night?"
WTF? No. I didn't. So, I write back and tell him this. Then he responds with:
"Stop harassing me. I'll let you know when I have time to talk."

Am I a piece of trash? He will just talk to me when HE feels like it and I am supposed to just sit here like a dog and patiently wait until he gets over his problem??

I AM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW!!! I COULD JUST SCREAM. If I wasn't sitting at my WORK desk, I would scream.

I'm Shrinking....

I've definitely noticed lately that I am not as tall as I once was. I can't reach things, I'm tiny next to people.... This morning, since it snowed, I got to clean off Mica for the first time. I can't reach the top of my truck. This can't be good. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Making Choices....

Hi Kids & Porn Stars..... It's almost 4:30 AM on Sunday morning and what started out as a great weekend, turned into hell.

On Friday, contrary to what some people thought (ahem, Flirt! LOL), I did get a raise. 5% - which, for my company is pretty damn good. It's about $2K more a year, which isn't much, but every little bit helps. After work I ran a bunch of errands and got a lot done. I got to see RyRy really quick and then raced down to the 'Burg to meet DB for dinner. Dinner was nice and I was really looking forward to seeing his band play and hanging out with The Bunny. After dinner, I raced home and rested for a bit. Then I got ready and headed back to the 'Burg. The Bunny was already there and the band was on a break. DB's dad was there and I, of course, got the stare down. But this time I was stronger and ignored it. The night flew by and things were going well. I got to meet a friend of The Bunny's. The band wrapped up around 2AM and we decided to head over to 32while DB packed up. We got there and the staff was being a little obnoxious. For people I work with, I was a little irritated by their behavior. Regardless, DB showed up, and the two were getting along. Things seemed to be going well. Bunny decided to sleep over, she had what I thought was too much to drink and drive. 4AM came and it was time to go (rather, we got thrown out, but that's a story for another time.) We headed home - me in my car and both of them in theirs. I get close to my house and DB calls me - "She kept going, she's driving home."I get to my house and he's there. "What can we do?," he asks. So I call her. Long story short, she decided to drive home and hung up on me. I didn't know what else to do, so I called her Mama Dukes. That's when it became my fault she was drinking - my Mama Dukes was angered by all this, DB was angry - things got way out of control. All because I wanted to help my friend.... My hands were tied. Some very harsh words came out of The Bunny's mothers mouth towards me. I fell asleep crying in DB's arms.

Saturday - Woke up late and had little time to make it to Erica's baby shower (I'm still in awe that she's having twin boys!!) The Bunny called and we talked. Her mother apologized. I told her we would talk more after the shower, I would come over for dinner. The shower went great - Erica got some fabulous gifts for the boys. I got to see Maggie Sue, Midge, AJ and the newest addition - Sydney :). Of course I was RIDICULOUSLY greedy and held Sydney as much as I could. She was way too adorable and I so want one. It was nice to see the girls - and being slightly hungover (and very exhausted) it was nice to be around so much food, LOL. At 4, we all headed out, Erica looked tired and had a TON of gifts to go through. I headed home and rested up for a bit. DB had a gig that night at cockroach heaven, but I wasn't in the mood for loud music and a crowd - and besides that, The Bunny promised me a home cooked meal. I headed to her place around 8 and we sat down to a yummy salad and some pasta. We talked and after eating we got comfortable on the couch and popped in Season 1 of SVU. DB messaged me asking if I was coming to the gig. I told him where I was. He responded with this, "You've got to be kidding me. Either she goes or I go. I'm done with the drama." At that point, I regretted telling him where I was. I really didn't want it to be this way - and through text. I went home and waited for him to call at the end of his gig. He waited until 3AM - on purpose. He knew I was sleeping by that point. He got very nasty with me - drove all the way to 32 - even though he was on the other side of the county - because he "needed a drink." He was being nasty and hung up on me. So I headed over to 32 and confronted him. "You are so predictable," he said. He then proceeded to tell me what "trash" my friend and her family is. And yelled about how I could want someone like her in my life. We walked out together, he stopped talking to me - he peeled out, swerving. So I followed him. We talked at some red lights, but he kept driving away, angrily. (Can we see a pattern here? He's drinking, I'm not. He's dramatic, I'm not??) Not that far out, I get pulled over. Coincidence? I think not. It was his friend JC. It was SSSOOO obvious DB called him and asked him to pull me over. Especially now since DB kept driving (and now claims he didn't know I got stopped. Hmmm, what gave it away - the flashing RED AND BLUE F-ing lights?? JC let me go - after saying some things that gave away his guilt - and I went home. I'd had enough.

Sunday - I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be alone. DB calls while he's out and we talk more. He tells me he didn't know I got stopped but that JC messaged him that he owes him one. He had to quickly go and then we messaged back and forth the rest of the night. His second to last message was basically, "So your never talking to her again?" This was the only way he was going to talk to me again or come over. Then 10:30 comes around and all of a sudden he's tired and staying home.

I don't think I've ever in my whole life - this includes knowing The Bunny - had such a dramatic, insane, erratic relationship. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or think. Give up my friendship of almost 6 years for someone I've know for less than 6 months. Give up what I thought was the love of my life - but who insists on shutting me out every time he gets mad? I don't know. I'm confused, angry, upset and completely at a loss for words. I'm at the end of my rope here. 10-4 over and out.

I Give Fairly Good Advice….

But, I don’t take it too well – I mean, if any one of my girlfriends were in the position I am in, I would tell them – scratch that – scream at them to leave. Immediately. I guess people can never see what other people can see. Am I different person now? Do I really have residual issues from my father’s absence and untimely death? I don’t know. I never really thought I did. You know what’s weird? I have only ever missed having a father – once. When I saw house close my co-worker was with her dad. I had a bad day at work, was PMSing and then got to see that. And I teared up. Other than that, it really just felt like I didn’t have a dad. And I was OK with it. I never knew what it was like to have a loving father, so how could I miss it? I always equated my “promisquity” as a teenager to the fact that I was REALLY HUGE and then Maggie Sue and I dropped a bunch of weight and I was making up for lost time. I never really thought it was because I “didn’t have a dad.” I know all psychologists feel that women get really f’d up from having an absentee father, but I can only imagine how f’d up I would have been had my parents stayed together. Besides, I know lots of women who have great fathers who “get around.” So why is this now becoming an issue? I know I get a little crazy at times (mostly when drinking, lol). I also know that everyone has their crazy moments, don’t they?

Anyway, I picked up Mica last Thursday night (Or Veronica, we can’t decide what to call my new car….) I spent Thursday night driving around with The Bunny, breaking her in. She is HOT – I love it. Not so good on the gas though, lol, but I finally have a “truck.” I will have pics up as soon as I can…. She isn’t completely broken in as of yet, there is nothing really personal in her yet besides Schmitty, my rearview mirror danglers, and some CD’s. I almost don’t feel as though she is really all mine yet…. Plus it’s weird having the Accord still in the driveway :( It’s hard to let her go – I had some good times in that car :) I’m enjoying driving my new car around town, although I feel VERY poor lately. Haha. I took back my third night at 32 (at least for this week) because I am in need of some cash flowage – ASAP. I don’t know how I am going to make it through 5 full days at WK and then 3 long nights at 32, but I will try my hardest to make due. We’ll see what happens. I might be dead by the weekend, LOL. Just kidding…..

My boss is out this week. Rumor is that some raises were given out this year. Not everyone is getting a raise. I am going to FLIP THE F**K out if I don’t get a raise. Especially since I asked for one, I DESERVE one, and I need one. My friend (I love her dearly) who told me she was getting a raise…. Well, she walks around endlessly during the day (don’t get me wrong, she gets her work done….), comes in late almost every day (and I’m not talking 10 minutes – I’m talking 30-60 minutes late daily), and she really doesn’t go above and beyond. They gave her 4%. Not much, but every little bit helps. If I don’t get one, I will really freak out. Her boss told her not to tell anyone about it because “not everyone is getting a raise this year.” WTF? 4% across the board would really kill them?? I’m fairly settled in here until I am in school and done with school, but seriously how long can a person go being kicked while they are already on the ground?? I’ve been sending out some resumes, but I don’t want to go too far as this may not be what I do for the rest of my life and would ideally like to remain in close commute to 32 and the school I am looking into. This is so frustrating…. Maybe I just really need a vacation. Ahhhhh, AZ. :)

It’s 10AM and I haven’t done anything work related. I think I’m a little too bitter about this raise thing. Maybe I should wait and make sure I definitely didn’t get one before I go on strike. LOL. 10-4 over and out!

What a Friggin' Ordeal!!!

Ohhhhhhh JESUS Heyseus! LOL. OK, so as you all know, I've leased a new car. I am supposed to pick it up tonight.... Well, Honda - the bastards that they are - won't do my vehicle inspection until 3/8/07 the earliest (I suspect because I won't be re-leasing through them). Which means I have to KEEP MY CAR until then. Which means for the next 21 days, I will have two cars. My driveway only holds two cars - mine and Mama Dukes. Where the F am I supposed to put this 3rd friggin car? Then, my license / registration / insurance are all under a separate address which is proving to be a problem with Mazda, because that's all the mail I get at that second address. I just spent the last hour running around getting the address changed on my insurance, getting copies of statements with Mama Dukes address on it and figuring out a way to get my registration and license address changed (I lost my damn passport months ago. Tonight will be spent searching for the passport and my birth certificate (after I pick up the car - if I can pick up the car). I am so frustrated and stressed about this. I'm poor now. I've had a stress headache for 2 days and I can't concentrate because I'm excited for the new car. Argh!!!!!!!!! Is it really worth all this?? LOL.

I LOVE Being Right!!!!!!!

So, I heard back from the New York State Department of Labor today and this is what they had to say about my customers walking out on a bar tab and my Employer making me pay the tab:

No, this is illegal. Your employer cannot require that you pay a tab for a customer who walks out, or make a deduction from your wages or withhold your wages for this reason. If so, you can file a complaint with the Division of Labor Standards. Go to http://www.labor.state.ny.us/workerprotection/laborstandards/workprot
/lsdists.shtm to contact your local district office for assistance.

Carmine Ruberto
Acting Director


By: Vincent Hammond
Senior Labor Standards Investigator
New York State Department of Labor
Division of Labor Standards
247 West 54th Street, 6th Floor
New York, New York 10019
(212) 621-0880

I just LOVE being right AND having it in writing for all to see. ROCK ON! 10-4 over and out.

Totally Excited....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... OK, so I am WAY TOO EXCITED to get my new car. I can't sit still! Although I will be piss poor for the next few weeks, IT IS SO WORTH IT. I think I did the right thing - I was offered to take the car home last night, but opted against it. I didn't think I was ready, didn't have my checkbook (hence my comment below that I was JUST LOOKING), and I still need to work things out with my Honda lease. I can't pick it up tonight or tomorrow because I have to work at 32, so today and tomorrow I am going to be all gittery and excited to pick it up. My mom is already calling a sick day for Thursday, but I can't do that. I need to save my time off for AZ! :) And I need to make sure I get into 32 because I need that $ to spend in AZ! LOL. :)

Ugh.... I work to buy things. I buy things to make me happy because I hate work. It's a vicious cycle. Hahaha..... 10-4 over and out.

Say Hello To Mica.....

****Had to remove the Picture as it screwed up my links on the side bar. Sorry kids, just click on the link!****
Say hello to my new car - picking it up on Thursday night - wish me luck with it!!! Of course, my car will be Black Cherry "Mica" colored, not black. :) This car IS SO HOT, so nice to drive, AND SO WORTH WORKING 2 jobs... (Of course it's less $ per month then my current car!!! That helps too!! I walked in with the intention of looking only (I still have month left on my lease), but the offer rocked my face off, I couldn't pass it down. I can't wait to pick it up!! :)

10-4 over and out.

I'm Dog Tired, Boss......

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... TGIF. I am totally dragging ass today. I didn't realize exactly how tired I was until I sat down at my desk and actually contemplated leaning back and taking a nap in my chair. It's times like this I wish I had an office. I'm not nodding off because I am keeping busy, but I am thoroughly exhausted and can't wait for bed tonight. I have to run a few errands after work, then it's off to Kel-Kel's place to see her and Maggie Sue for a bit. I promised DB I'd be home in time to see him - we haven't seen much of each other lately. Oddly, it's been nice. Probably because we aren't fighting. LOL. But, we want to see one another for a bit before he goes into work. I fell asleep on him briefly last night. I worked the last 3 nights at 32 (I HATE restaurant drama!!). The money was so worth it though - $403 for about 14 hours worth of work. Can't beat that!

So I have a question for anyone who works in the restaurant industry. If someone walks out on their tab, is it the servers responsibility to pay that bill?? I've hear it's illegal and I had a table walkout this week and they made me pay for it. It was only $12, but it's principle. I've searched all over the internet for answers and can't find it. Anyway.....

This cold weather is KILLING my skin. I can't wait to get to AZ and maybe get a little sun. :) On the traveling note, Mama Dukes purchased a time share last weekend. For me and her. It's in Massachusetts and it's only about 15 minutes from Albany. I can trade it and go other places, etc. but I am SO excited to have a weekend getaway place and cheaper travel! Who wants to go away? LOL.

I seriously think I am dying and I am going to pass out and my desk. I need sleep. ASAP. 10-4 over and out.

P.S. Why is this Anna Nicole Smith death so troublesome? I don't know why it's effecting me, but it really is quite sad. Don't you think?

Something Stinks in Suburbia....

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars. Bethany is NOT happy. OK, so for the last week or so, The Bunny and I have (still) been working the P/T job. Things were going smoothly, or so it seemed. It was like "family" there. We had our tiffs, ass grabbing, and good times. Last week, the owner was somewhat a dick on Wing Night. We didn't take too kindly to it, voiced our opinions and that was that. Friday night, he was a dick to The Bunny again. She didn't take too kindly to it and voiced her opinion. So last night I go in to check my schedule. Wednesday nights are now being split between 3 people - BBB, The Bunny and me. So basically, every other Wed. I am to be off. WTF? So I talked to Irish Boy and questioned the change. He tried to explain, but it wasn't logical. So we all started talking - heatedly. The Bunny and I stick together so we said, "If one leaves, we both leave." He got pissed, we got pissed. He wouldn't budge. Not only was all this happening, but she basically had 1 table all night and they had BBB come in to work a party - a party she could have worked. So, The Bunny WALKED OUT. She didn't even clock out. LOL. We headed over to Sterlington to talk to the owner about bartending jobs... We are supposed to find out soon. IB (Irish Boy) calls me, "Bethany, you know I love you. You know I value your work. Wed. nights are yours forever if you want them - I'm not trying to screw you." So why is OK now that Wed. nights are mine? Were they trying to get rid of The Bunny? Something stinks in Suburbia and I don't like it. I flat out asked him if they were trying to get rid of one of us and he said no, but I am not sure what I believe. I'm confused and a little irritated that I had to be annoyed on my day off. And now I have to work without The Bunny Wed. nights - until 2AM ish AND I still have to work this Thursday night. ARGH!!!!

Feeling Better.....

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars... Happy Super Bowl Sunday. Just wanted to check in with you all and let you know that after a dinner with DB and a whole day with Mama Dukes, I am feeling better. Per my mom today, "I haven't heard you laugh like this is a long time." Things must be moving on up for me.

Mama Dukes also bought me a FANTASTIC gift today. One that will last me a lifetime. I can't wait to start using it. ;)

10-4 over and out.

Bring Me to Life.... Save Me From the Nothing I've Become.

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core,
Where I've become so numb...
Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold.
Until you find it there and lead it back home.

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Now that I know what I'm without,
You can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real,
Bring me to life.

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life.
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
Without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

(All of this time I can't believe I couldn't see,
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me...)

I've been sleeping a thousand years, it seems.
Got to open my eyes to everything.

(Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul.)
Don't let me die here.
(There must be something more.)
Bring me to life.

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life.
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life.

Someone special turned me onto this song many years ago.... Who knew how fitting it would be just when he came back into my life. I hate this feeling of not having control. I hate the unknown. I hate this pit in my stomach. There is so much to learn in life and (it seems) so little time to learn it. Everything you say and do becomes "you." People fault you for past mistakes and you become that person. How have I become the person I've become. Where did I lose myself? What a depressing week. :( Bethany is sad, but I'm certainly glad the weekend was here. My boss literally sent me home from work yesterday. He said I haven't been here "mentally" in over 2 weeks. Ouch. Hearing that made things worse.... So my stomach was sick with worry all afternoon. I couldn't sleep. Head my own advice - life is a roller coaster.... I am just on the downward spiral right now, but soon enough it will go back up. Right? 10-4 over and out.

Annoyed.....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars....

It's Wing Night tonight. Woo-hoo.

I’m annoyed for several reasons:
1) I was working last night (and it was actually a little busy!) and I missed my Stalkers phone call. I love the heavy breathing, keep it up! :)
2) I’m not sleeping well. I don’t know why, but I’m not.
3) Working two jobs. It’s well worth the money, but it’s flying out of my hands as soon as I make it, it seems.
4) I am once again forced into drama. The Bunny’s “ex” of (seriously) about 3 weeks – Private Pyle – is upset that she has dumped him. For some reason or another, he’s gotten it into his head that it’s because of me because I am “miserable in my relationship with DB and jealous of their happiness.” Happiness? You NEVER saw each other. She was happier spooning with me! LOL. He then decided to call me a c**t the other night. Whether she used me as an excuse or not (I wouldn’t care – just tell me – so I don’t feel as though I’ve been thrown under a bus), I don’t know. At first, I was pissed about him using the C word against me. Then I looked at the source and realized, “Why should I care, he really is a pathetic loser?” However, now I feel as though it’s becoming an “issue” between The Bunny and myself and now there is a lot of crap floating around the firehouse about her and I. DB is pissed that I am being dragged into the middle and blaming it all on her (making the situation between the two of them worse…) And then there is the past between The Bunny and I that is always in the back of my mind…. That fear that she is always looking for a better friendship than what we have, how she always seems so eager to believe the crap people talk about me, and how she is usually very quick to choose another friendship over the one her and I have. I have so many other things to be stressing about – I shouldn’t have to stress over friendships and relationships. I really feel as though I shouldn’t ever have to worry about whether or not my friend is going to “break up” with me. And even though I’ve survived it before and she assures me that we will always be friends now, paranoia creeps in. Doogie told me the other night, “Don’t stress it. Drop ‘em all.” LOL. He makes it seem so easy. LOL. ;) Too bad I actually have feelings and care about my relationship with DB and friendship with The Bunny, LOL.
5) The confusion I have right now in my head about a certain situation. The mixed signals are driving me nuts!
6) The fact that I am tired ALL the time and I think it’s all the hours I am putting into work. I actually feel too exhausted to do anything on my days off (i.e. – go to the gym).
7) The fact that I feel trapped in my current job. I feel like I’m one of those girls in the movie The Silence of the Lambs and I am trying to claw my way out of the well of death. “Put the f***ing lotion in the basket!”
8) My jaw hurts. I seriously need to get back to the Dr. – now I have a list of “ailments.”

I am SURE there is plenty more to be annoyed with. I’m also sure that everyone else has his or her annoyances in life. I just needed to vent a little bit. On a lighter note, Doogie and I went to the movies on Sunday night and I finally saw The Departed. Holy crap that was a GOOD friggin movie!!! The company wasn’t too shabby either :) I had a good time, Doogs!

This weekend is a little crazy, or so it seems. I thought I would have plans Friday night, but they fell through. Saturday night I am hoping to do dinner with DB. However I will, of course, not know until last minute. Sunday is DP’s super bowl party (I’ve got some dinero riding on this game!), but Mama Dukes needs me to take a road trip with her to Boston, so I may need to bail on the party :(.

I’m off now – need to meet my numbers before months end (T-Minus 5 hours). I need to be out of here at 5 on the dot since I have to work Wing Night tonight. Fabulous. 10-4 over and out.

Happy 3-0, Midge!!!

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... OK, OK, so I am a day late and a dollar short, but I needed to publicly wish my Midge a very Happy Birthday. We are celebrating the BIG 3-0 in style tonight and I can't wait to see her. :) Although, I'm a little mad she didn't give ANY hints as to birthday gifts! :) But, I think I will come through for her, LOL.

This weekend is jammed packed with events. Tonight is Midge's get together, then off for some drinkies. I promised DB I'd come by and watch him play for a bit in the 'Burg. Tomorrow night he's playing over by The Bunny's house and I am supposed to chill with Doogie. Also tomorrow is Mama Dukes best friends ("G") birthday, so we are taking her for some eats. I think I may need to work from home for a bit tomorrow as well. I need to make up some time since I took a sick day yesterday - oops! :)

On a funny note, I have a prank calling heavy breather. Whoever it is, insists on calling me from a restricted # between the hours of 6-8. It's usually about 3-4 times a night and it's quite amusing. Keep calling! LOL :P.

Back to work - Seacrest, OUT! 10-4 over and.......

"Annual" Exam.... Argh

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... I hate being a woman for two reasons and two reasons only:
Getting my period
Getting my "annual exam."

I've had the same "girly" doctor since I was 18, but have since decided to switch since he is getting pretty old (he delivered me 29 years ago), he's located pretty far (down in Western NJ), and he has very odd hours. It has been a NIGHTMARE trying to find a new doctor - preferably a female doctor because I don't want some old geezer or some young hottie poking around in there with long, cold, sterile tools. I tried this place by my house, I waited 3 months for an appointment! Day of, I could not go (female reasons, LOL). They never answered their phone that day when I cancelled (It took me a week to book the actual appointment since they don't answer....) and they never responded to my voicemail messages to reschedule my appointment. This didn't fair well with me. So I started on the hunt for another new doctor. I'm a little sketchy to use Maggie's Dr., I was told that The Bunny's Dr. is VERY hard to get an appointment with, so Kel-Kel came through with a new place close to my house. So now I am all set for an appointment in APRIL. Who knew it would take this long and be this hard to make an appointment that literally lasts 5-10 minutes? Ridiculous! LOL.

End of rant. 10-4 over and out.

I'm a Dude, With Tits?

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Tuesday (and happy beginning of the rough part of my work week). I now have a semi "set" schedule at 32 (fabulous). I am Tues. Night, Wed. Night (after WW for Wing Night - woot!) and Thurs. night. I go there right from my F/T job. It's been tough, but I am getting into the swing of it. I am getting some $ in the bank, I'm able to help out Mama Dukes a little more, and I don't cringe when I need to buy something.

So many things have gone on the past few weeks... First and foremost, Doogie is back! I was pleasantly surprised two weeks ago on my first Wing Night when he stepped in to visit. It was an awesome surprise :)

The Bunny's cousin-in-law (is that real? lol) passed away. So last week we had the wake and funeral. It was 3 sad days, but I did my best to help her through it. In true Irish style after the funeral, we celebrated her life rather than mourned her passing. So there was a HUGE drinkfest at the firehouse, tons of food, and a whole lotta Durkins. LOL. By the end of the day, I had become a surrogate daughter to The Bunny's parents and all her aunts and uncles and Grandma are all mine as well. LOL.

Other than working, hanging with The Bunny, hanging with DB, working at 32, trying to make time for other friends, Mama Dukes, and the pooches not much else is going on. I'm always busy, but my life seems rather boring right now, LOL.

I'll keep you all posted if anything good happens. Here is what I am looking forward to:
- Midge turning the big 3-0 this week and us partying on Friday night (Woo-hoo!)
- Getting The Bunny turned on to men in uniform (and this new guy working out).
- My trip to AZ to see Car & Winkie with Kel-Kel, Bunches, and The Bunny.
- Finding a school to accept me and going back..... (Fingers crossed!)
- Spending some time catching up with Doogals
- Meeting Sydney :) (Hint, hint)
- Valentine's Day with DB ;)
- Working St. Patty's Day and making TONS OF MONEY!!!

I am sure I am looking forward to more, but the e-mails are ROLLING in and I need to get some work done before I leave right at 5 on the dot. :) 10-4 over and out.

It's Finally Mine.......

I LOVE gagdets! Eat it, kids! LOL. :) I love being spoiled by Mama Dukes!!!

I Know I've Been MIA.......

This second job may kill me.

I'm so tired and my F/T job is crazy busy too. Then I try to see DB as much as we can. Sorry Kids - I miss everyone! Hopefully things will get back to normal soon. I'm sssooo going to get mono again. LOL.

xoxoxoxoxo,
Bethany

Happy New Year....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Tuesday, Happy New Year, Happy Four Day work week :). Things in my life.... Have changed. And it's only the 2nd. Where to begin?

Let me flashback to last week (if I leave things out, I’m sorry – my brain isn’t what it was 3 weeks ago):

Sunday – Christmas Eve. Drugged myself pretty good and then went to 32 with Kippy to visit The Bunny. Lee (the manager) is going through the same thing as me and hugged me several times and talked me through it. I wanted to get wasted, but something in my heart told me not to turn to that. It wasn’t right. We had planned on going to look at Christmas lights, but wound up staying at 32 the entire night. Earlier on, I asked The Bunny to stay the night with me. I couldn’t bear waking up alone :( She agreed. We all exchanged gifts and I got some rockin’ good gifts from my buddies. Kippy was acting kind of quiet and not acting like himself, so we kind of felt put out. We tried and tried to get him to smile and have a good time, but to no avail. The Bunny refused to let it ruin her night though and kept the party going. Maybe a little too much, lol. ;) Into the wee hours (actually, it was like 11:30), we took Kippy home and then went back to my house. The Bunny was hammered. It was funny and fun to watch, until Hot Rod upset it her and then the rest of the night was ruined because they kept fighting with one another. I finally passed out and woke up the next morning to a snoring Bunny. LOL.

Monday – Christmas was weird. It was just myself and Mama Dukes (after The Bunny left) this year and neither of us really had “the spirit.” We exchanged gifts and Mama Dukes rocked out with her gift giving this year. I don’t know if it was guilt, or what, but she kicked arse with her gifties to me. Weird, but I think this break up with DB brought us closer together. <3 We had some Turkey din-din, visited her BFF, and then went home and passed out. I had to be back to work on Tuesday AM (argh!)

Tuesday - The meds my doctor prescribed to help me “get over the hump” of my break up with DB helped, but they only kept me from crying. I was still “feeling” and I wanted that to stop. ASAP. I called out to the p/t job (32) because I had some kind of Bronchitis type of cold/flu/cough. I felt like I was dying. Then my Kel-Kel called and wanted to get me out of the house. (I love how everyone rallied to support me in my time of need. It was really awesome. I felt so alone and they made that feeling disappear. Thanks again everyone….) Kel-Kel took me out for “break up / comfort food.” AKA mozzarella sticks. We drove around and talked. She let me cry it out. We looked at the Elvis Christmas lights in NJ. It felt good to get it all out and hear her feedback. I was actually starting to feel better. After she dropped me off, I went inside and talked to Mama Dukes and then checked my e-mail. And there it was. And e-mail from DB. My heart pounded and I started to shake and sweat. I had been dying to hear from him for what seemed like and eternity and now here it was – the dreaded e-mail…. 1 day after Christmas. I wanted to read it so badly, but part of me didn’t. I clicked on it and it wasn’t pretty. I broke down and reverted back to the morning of the break up. It felt like I had been punched in the gut. I was hysterical and a HUGE mess. I called him and told him he could come and get his things, but I needed to know why. I needed closure. I called Kel-Kel who offered to drive back to my house (too sweet). I called The Bunny who was already on her way to Suffern. She stopped by my place first. I cried and sniffled and cried. I finally took a Valium and went to sleep. 11:30PM comes – I am passed out – and he calls. I checked my phone every second of every day when he wasn’t calling. And now there was his ring. My heart actually stopped. Mama Dukes ran to my room, “is it him??” I nodded yes. I answered. She closed my door and he and I talked for over and hour. Turns out, he was driving to my house and was outside for a small time. He wanted his things back. Then he wanted to come in to talk more. When he came in, I could see the love back in his eyes. He missed me. He saw what a mess I had become. We talked. We hugged. I cried. We talked about the possibility of getting back together. He left late and I fell fast asleep and finally slept well.

After than, we talked and e-mailed. I was so sick, I wound up leaving work early on Thursday and coming home sick on Friday. The Bunny filled in for me at 32 on Thursday night, I felt like I was dying.

Friday - DB stopped by Friday afternoon and we talked some more and got everything out in the open. It felt good to talk to him and even better to see him. I missed him so much. The break up really opened my eyes to what I want and don’t want and to how I really felt about “B.” The Bunny was coming over after work, so I told him to come by after his gig if he wanted to. When she arrived, we chilled and talked. I felt good again….. Whole if you will. We decided to head over to his gig (even though I was dying). It turned out to be a really great night. We headed out to Rhodes at 10-ish and DB was looking hot as he was playing. I made nice with his buddy FB. The Bunny got a little tipsy and made nice with a few people, LOL. She wound up meeting a REALLY nice guy – Gigs. The night went slow and fast all at once. It felt good to watch DB play and to feel at ease with him. Around 2:30, DB and I headed back to my house and I felt safe knowing that The Bunny was getting a ride home from either Gigs or Durkin. DB and I talked and really finally realized that we don’t want to live without one another. The Bunny came home at 8AM and woke me. We talked for a bit and she told me all about Gigs, then we passed back out.

Saturday – Cowgirl called in the AM. I hit the ignore button on the cell (sorry girl, but it was a friggin late night). Then she called the house. Then the cell again – I knew something was up because she would have just left a VM. She had a flat tire and needed my help with Triple AAA. So I got The Bunny out of bed and we headed down to NJ to help her out. A few hours later, we were finally getting some breakfast into our bellies and then ran all our errands. By the time we got back to my place, we wanted nothing to do with going anywhere. We showered (separately Animals) and went back to bed to watch movies. DB stopped by before work and then The Bunny and I were off to dream land.

Sunday – Woke up early and then we went back to sleep. LOL. We knew we had to get some errands done though. I died The Bunny’s hair (it looks healthier, shinier, but kind of the same color. LOL). We shopped for the evening shin-dig. We still didn’t have a final count. Both of us knew in our guts that the night would bring drama, we just weren’t sure how much. DB stopped by briefly and Mama Dukes headed out to her work party as we prepared for the night. A few minutes to 9, Kippy showed up. Already there was tension in the air. Shortly after, Gigs showed up. We all started drinking and playing some different board games I had. Things were going smoothly besides the tension. Tempers flared shortly after the ball dropped and Gigs and Kippy got into it. The Bunny fessed up to dating Gigs and Kippy was heartbroken. Mama Dukes came home and said it was time for the party to be over, so Kippy headed home. DB showed up and we all wound up talking in the kitchen. Mama Dukes and DB made their peace and so did The Bunny and DB. It was all a lot of drama for Gigs to handle for a first night out, but he handled it well.

The New Year has brought about a lot of good changes. And it has a promise of good things to come. I feel good, I'm happy, I'm in love, Doogie is home, Maggie Sue had a baby, The Bunny is back in my life, Cowgirl and I are closer than ever, Kel-Kel is once again like a sister.... Things feel good. I wish everyone a great New Year and all the joys and promises 2007 should bring. Bethany is back.... 10-4 over and out.