Wednesday, December 27, 2006

A Thank You......

To Kel-Kel who did everything in her power last night to make me smile and laugh. And who's endless hugs will never be forgotten or taken for granted.

To Bunny who got me out of the house practically every night last week and talked to me over endless hours about the same things. Who, even in her deadest, tiredness, could still drive to Suffern to lay on my bed and let me cry.

To Cowgirl who lent me her ear over and over while I was at work and having emotional breakdowns on the phone. Her hugs couldn't be physically felt, but I knew they were there. Your tireless e-mails helped more than you'll know....

To Kippy who made sure to message me every morning that each day would get better.

To Lee who promised an ear any time I needed it and who has become a very good friend in a short period of time.

To RyRy for making me laugh, making fun of me, playing a little Stephen Lynch for me and lending me your wife when I needed her.

To Flirt for putting in his two cents in and giving me "the guys side." You said things I needed to hear, so thank you.

To DC who gave me countless hugs at work and would take walks with me to get some air. Your fastly becoming a cherished friend.

To Maggie Sue who sent her kind words through Kel-Kel even though she has her own sh*t going on with just having given birth! :)

Please forgive me if I've inadvertently left anyone off, it was not my intention and my short term memory blows right now.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Who the Hell Do I Know in Asbury Park, NJ??

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Although I said I was checking out for a while, I find that this might be a helpful outlet for me. Because, right now, there seems like there is no help for me. I am absolutely the most miserable person to be around. I can't even stand to be around me.

I won't get into specifics about the DB break up. All I will tell you is that I have never been this hurt and miserable. I almost feel crazy. I cry at the drop of a hat. It's all I can talk about - people don't know what to say to me. All I know is that I can now honestly say that I know what love is. I realized that I loved "B," but I am not 100% sure I was in love with him. I NEVER felt like this when we broke up (all 3 times).

I am going to my doctor today... I can't stand this perpetual lump in my throat, this weight on my shoulders, my thoughts always circling back to him. Apparently, he is going to give something to me to help ease the pain. It's amazing how someone can get into your mind so badly. And now I start rethinking everything that was said to me. I start remembering he is a cop and to me, all cops are pigs (Sorry Julio). I just want to know, when does it get better? When does it get easier? I ran into him Wed. His Chiro is by my job and I saw him and pulled over. We talked - he was mean - he said he's e-mail me and left. I haven't gotten anything from him yet. He told me I don't keep my word - that I broke his trust. So his word means nothing?

Then last night, The Bunny and I ran around to finish up X-mas shopping. We went to the Mill for some dinner (I finally got a normal portion down). Who's there? "B." And no, I am not kidding. The rest of the crowd was, of course, all police men. Fabulous. We made plans to hang with some of them later on tonight (after midnight), but we'll see where the night takes us. I am supposed to visit Kel-Kel and hear her words of wisdom. For now, I'm off to the Dr. and hopefully he can help... Because of the love in the world from my awesome friends doesn't seem to be helping right now.... 10-4 over and out.

Someone from Asbury Park, NJ has been checking out my site a lot. WHo the heck are ya? :)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I Won't Be Updating for a While.....

DB broke up with me Monday AM and I have not been the same person since.

I need time to be alone and be by myself.

I'm miserable, sad, lonely, and depressed.

I've lost the love of my life because I made stupid mistakes. Stupid mistakes I probably wouldn't have made had I not been drinking. All things I need to take a look at myself and figure out why.

I'm checking out for a while.... If you know me, you know how to get in touch.

10-4 over and out.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


G'morning Kids & Porn Stars. This post is being made to clarify some things - just so you know.

My blog is a journal. It's where I go to rant and rave and get things off my chest before they boil into big, explosive, dramatic situations. It's a place where I can come to bounce my "issues" off my readers and friends. So Doogie can say, "Bethany, you're being an ass. Knock it off." Where Kel-Kel can say, "I'll be right over to give you a big Kel-Kel hug." Where KTU can say, "F that a-hole, they are trash." I don't judge people - never have. I don't surround myself with people who would (or I try not to). I expect my friends to form their own opinions on things. I don't expect anyone to read my blog here and assume that The Bunny is evil, that Mama Dukes is a b*tch or the DB is awful to me. Yes, things happen and I write about them here, but this is not me bashing anyone. This is just random sh*t that goes on in my head that I would write into a journal. I know that there are generational gaps - "B" and Harrison had HUGE problems with me having a blog, but among the people who are my age, I don't know many who DON'T have a blog. Even Kippy started one!

So now that I've clarified what the point of this "space" is, I want to apologize. I'm sorry if anyone got the idea that DB was a horrible person. He's really not - I wouldn't love him as much as I do if he was. None of you (my readers and friends) have made any comments about him, I just felt the need to clarify. He means the world to me and the last thing I want to do is hurt him with a "blog." 10-4 over and out.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Sexually Harassed.... At Home Depot?

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Tuesday. Let me recap the weekend so you can understand why I was harassed at a Home Depot last night (there's always a story, lol).

Friday night The Bunny came to pick me up and we headed over to the mall to see The Holiday. GREAT chick flick. I loved it.

Saturday - headed over to the part time job for my 10AM shift :(. It was a long and tiring day and I only made $35 in tips, but they paid me for my time which rocked. So overall for the day I did well. DB came over later that night and it was nice to see him after not seeing him for almost 2 days.

Sunday when I woke up I felt like I was 90 years old. It's been a while since I waitressed and I need to get used to it all over again, lol. I planned on getting the rest of my stuff out of storage and I had a big crew recruited to help :). Kel-Kel, Kippy, The Bunny, and Bunny's Papa Dukes all came out - with trucks! The whole process didn't take long, but it was a sweaty ordeal. by 6:30 I had my bed set up and we were all done. After that, Mama Dukes took me to dinner for some eats and then DB came by later on that night. As we were laying there watching t.v., BANG! My bed fell apart. LOL. DB got it back together for me and we thought all was well. He left shortly after for work and I passed out. 4AM comes around and - BANG! - my bed falls apart again! Argh! The wood frame has wooden slats on the bottom to hold the matress and box spring up and one piece is warped... So it keeps falling apart. :(

So last night, The Bunny came to pick me up and we went to the 'Mill and got some eats and chatted it up with the bartender about the Kramer situation, lol, and giving birth. That was enough to make me stop eating, so we then headed over to The Home Depot to get new wooden slats. We walked around looking for "wood" and finally came across the Lumber department. This guy called over to the Lumber guy, "Hey Jay, I'm sending over two BEAUTIFUL customers for you to help." The guy cut two pieces for me and we went back to the first guy to pay. As we were standing there, a mentally challenged cart pusher came up behind us and the cashier yells to him to "stop looking at" our "hot asses." Ummmmmm, OK, he's retarded. The cart guy gets all embarrassed and blushes and then yells at the cashier. "I I I I wasssssn't looking at their bbbbbutts. Stttttop saying that." Poor thing. The cashier continued to make comments as we walked out, but seriously, who does that?? LOL. We got back to my place and fixed my bed and then The Bunny was oof. DB came over later and we watched t.v. in my comfy bed. It was a nice night with him although he *tried* to start a fight with me, lol.

Tonight it's off to work after work. Fun-fun. DB will be there with a bunch of his co-workers for a squad party, so at least I will get to see him... I'm off to get some work done here. They had major layoffs at our sister company yesterday, so I need to keep myself in check so I'm not next :( 10-4 over and out.

Friday, December 08, 2006

I'm Trying the New Blogger Perks

And I think I am F***ing up my blog. LOL. Their new way is very time consuming and kind of a pain in the arse. LOL. But since I already updated my template, I have to use their way. Frustrating. Please bear with me. :) XOXOXO 10-4 over and out.

The Juice of the Forbidden Fruit……

G’afternoon Kids & Porn Stars…. I am SO glad it’s Friday and for all intensive purposes, it is the weekend. Things seem to be coming together for me, finally. I am SO broke and Christmas this year is really going to be hard on my wallet, I have a feeling things will start looking up for me after the New Year. I found a p/t job – at one of my local hangouts. I guess it’s good to know the owner of the pub, I didn’t even have to interview for the position. All I had to do was say I was interested. I start training on Saturday. My stockbroker was very helpful, now I just need to talk to the brother, Briberry – swallow my pride and be nice to him. (God I hate him, lol. Well, hate is a strong word. I really, really, really don’t like him, lol.) So, once all that is done, I will hopefully be settled with money and I can concentrate on finding a place to live :) – if I choose to leave my free living space – AKA Mama Dukes place. I was also accepted into the Graduate Program at the school of my choice. I am supposed to meet with the program director next week for advisement. I can’t wait. Of course, no one seems to be on board with this idea or career path and it’s really starting to frustrate me. So I won’t become a millionaire – who is? I need to keep reminding myself that I am doing this for me and not for anyone else. I certainly won’t become a millionaire if I stay working where I am – these 3% yearly raises don’t do much as they really can’t even be considered a cost of living increase. Argh.

Wednesday afternoon DB called and took me to lunch. We had a nice time – just happy to see one another, which is how it always seems with us….. Not being able to get enough of one another. Then he sprung on me that he had band practice until 10PM. Normally I don’t mind that we do things on our own – it makes our time together that much more special. However, we don’t get a whole lot of time together as it is. With his time constraints and our differing work schedules, it’s hard to mesh. We’ve been making it work though. I always give him a debriefing of my schedule for the day and week – as much as I can. I guess when he just threw it out there as if it was no big deal that he had band practice, I got a little annoyed. I was wondering why I was just first hearing about it? I look so forward to his nights off – and he knows this. A little background… the night before he was also off from work. He originally had band practice also, but it was canceled. So we wound up spending a nice night together <3. I didn’t know there was a practice, but I was pleasantly surprised that it was canceled and we spent the whole night enjoying one another. I just couldn’t figure out why he never said, “Hey baby, I have band practice again tomorrow night.” Not to mention he was also feeling a little under the weather and in my mind, 3 hours of practice in a stuffy basement wasn’t going to help him feel better…. I assumed he wouldn’t come over. So we got into it a little bit – even though I DID NOT want to fight. He went on to say he could start treating me as “B” did. OK, didn’t need to go there, but whatever. I said that if he didn’t come over that night (because he was “teaching” me a lesson) that it would be over with us – I don’t play games. By the time he dropped me off, things seemed better. Night came and he came by around 10:30. I passed out as soon as he arrived. I slept the whole time he was over. In my defense, you all know I am sick and when I get tired, I need to rest my weary eyes. There was no waking me. This was not intentional, it just happened. I felt terrible and I felt like I missed a whole day with him. The next morning I sent an e-mail apologizing. :( He responds to my apology saying he might not come by that night and it might quite possibly be because he’s “teaching” me a lesson for giving him such sh*t about coming over and then falling asleep. WTF? Excuse me?

Anyway, last night was a good time (Thursday). I was so exhausted and all I could think about was getting home, getting into my jammies, watching a little 90210 and passing out. The Bunny and I decided to skip the gym as we were both in the same state of exhaustion. She called as I was driving home and we got to talking…. “Let’s go out,” she says. All of a sudden I have a second wind. She comes to pick me up and we’re off to Chili’s near my old apartment :( to meet up with Kippy and his friends. I will mention that the night I went out with DB, I fell off the wagon. Not hard, only a few scrapes, LOL. (SHUT UP RyRy!) So I decided to have one glass of wine at Chili’s. One glass usually gives me a good buzz – and it did! We chatted for a bit, I played pimp, and The Bunny, Kippy and I made plans for Christmas Eve. Awe……. Kippy & Co, headed out and then The Bunny and I needed to get some things done. We had our weekly therapy session in the car driving around Rockland. Found out some interesting news. Drank the juice from the Forbidden Fruit. Equated ourselves to the Bobbsey Twins. Took some pictures of a parking spot (I got a friggin parking ticket the night before – F’n cops!) Then, before we knew it, we both needed to pee – ASAP. So we stopped at a Dunkin Donuts and DB called. He “doesn’t know” when he’s going to see me again. He decided he was going to play “B.” So, I decided that I would play Bethany with “B” and tell him if this was the case that I would heading to the nearest bar, getting drunk, and making out with whomever I choose. I really wasn’t going to, but still, how old are we that we are playing games like this? All because I opted to speak my feelings? Is he kidding me with this? I don’t and try not to compare him to “B,” but more and more the last few days I am thinking about things. Then, of course, yesterday I came across an old e-mail from “B” that nearly brought me to tears. I didn’t remember they had archived with my personal folders at work. I’m wondering if maybe the non-closure with “B” is making him creep into my thoughts. Not to mention I have had TWO dreams this week about Harrison. WTF is that about?? Then I remind myself that Doogie is coming home soon and I can’t wait to see him and party with him. I keep hoping it’s like old times and I will have my Doogster back – helmet and all. Is it possible these three PAST encounters are coming up because DB and I are getting that much closer and I’m getting scared? Or maybe I feel the same issues I had with them creeping up on him and I? I’m confused and scared. It’s not even paranoia anymore. It’s more a fear of things not working out after all the effort I’ve put into it. I can’t take the baby games though…. I spent 3 years with someone who couldn’t communicate and when I tried to communicate I would get, “You’re not allowed to fight with me,” and the conversation would be over. I can’t go through that again. I can honestly say that it hasn’t come to that with DB, things are definitely nowhere near as bad as they were with “B,” but if I can’t speak my mind now, when can I? It could also be how I make things come across verbally; I could work on that…. I am not changing who I am to fit the mold though. I am a “take me as I am” kind of gal. Love it or leave. When he did call last night, I could detect in his voice that he was no too happy I was out. He asked where I was and what we were doing. I mentioned we had to make some stops. How did he respond? “Why don’t you two grow up already?” Excuse me? How did he get from what I said that we were doing something immature and not acting our age? Yes, The Bunny and I have gotten into some trouble in the past, but now we are harmless, older, and wiser. We weren’t drunk – we want no part of any kind of trouble – we were simply dropping off some things and taking care of business with Hot Rod. This makes me immature? F that. I’m really starting to resent the judgmental attitude. Even Mama Dukes sees a change in The Bunny. She actually called me at work yesterday to ask how The Bunny was. Of all the people in my life, my mom was the only person to really see the toll The Bunny had on me…. And even she is accepting of The Bunny being here to stay and she sees a difference in her. Do we get a little silly with one another? Sure. Who doesn’t get a little silly when they are with one of their best girl friends? Is it different from Kel-Kel silly and KTU silly and Cowgirl silly? Yes. But even those 3 are different from one another. There are different inside jokes. There are different time frames of life. Things are just different. It is what it is and The Bunny is here to stay – take it or leave it. I think I’ve ranted enough on this topic.

New topic. Weight Watchers. Why do the member who attend my meeting think it’s like AA? It’s not a true confessions session. NO ONE CARES THAT YOU ATE A GALLON OF HAAGEN DAAZ. I only care if I eat a gallon of it. I am there to learn new tricks to eat healthier, to exercise more, and to gain support in the battle of the bulge. Not listen to you wine about how you kept measuring it and eating it even though it give you diarrhea. (I sh*t you not – no pun intended – this came up in the last meeting.) And the woman confessing didn’t even tell us about the loose stools – the friend she came with did. Freaks.

Anyway, I’ve been caught twice now, so I guess I should get some work done ASAP. 10-4 over and out. Please excuse the babbling – my predictions? By tonight things will be fine with DB.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

What's a Cockle?

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... It's been exactly 15 days since I last posted and I have NO idea where the time went. Let me try to recap, but since I am ANOTHER YEAR OLDER (UGH!) the memory has slightly gone, LOL.

Let me start out with my birthday recap.... Hmmm, where to begin. On 11/17, the day before, everyone at work celebrated with me with goodies, gifts, decorations and lunch. I <3 my birthday. (This is where the memory is no good - I can't remember what I did Friday night). I think The Bunny and I chilled & drove around. I do remember she came to my place and Mama Dukes FLIPPED OUT. Basically threw her out. I think we then headed over to Kippy's (PPPE) for some drinks and fun. However, DB called shortly after I got there and I went to visit with him. :)

On my actual birthday - 11/18 - I woke up to a very cranky and VERY bitchy Mama Dukes. She was still being bitchy about The Bunny having been at the house. I opened my gift alone in my room and went back to sleep. Everything I had planned for the day was put on the back burner and I rested. :) Which is my favorite way to spend a day, LOL. At night, *almost* all of my friends made it out for my big 2-9 celebration. Everyone arrived on time and we raced down to Mt. Fuji for some yummy birthday treats. I wasn’t able to sit as close to everyone as I had originally hoped and we had to wait 1 ½ hours to get seated (even with a friggin reservation!), but I was determined not to have my evening ruined. We all ate, everyone was getting along famously, and there were smiles and laughs all around. DB was looking quite handsome and I couldn’t wait to be alone with him. :) My friends gave me some awesome gifts ranging from 90210 season one on DVD, to massage gift certificates, to a beautiful reddish sweater, to perfume, to jewelry, to gorilla slippers. I couldn’t ask for sweeter friends. :) After dinner finished up, most of the group needed to head home, so Kippy, Bunny, DB, Kel-Kel, RyRy, Midge, Ray and I headed over to Ireland’s to continue the celebration. Drinking ensued and everyone except Bunny, Kippy and DB faded out. We played darts and enjoyed our night. DB and I had a small tiff, but by the time we headed home, I was over it. Until, of course, JT came on the radio (OK, I own his newest CD). DB got mad and drama ensued. It was an awful fight and a terrible time to have it, but looking back, it brought us that much closer. We haven’t fought since ;)

Sunday was spent relaxing and DB came by later on in the evening and we talked for hours.

I was off from work the week of Thanksgiving. And I needed the break from work. I got to see Cowgirl for lunch, DB for lunch, and I got some errands done that I needed to get done. I gave up drinking until New Year’s, so it was a dry week….

Thursday, Mama Dukes got her crazy eyes on, so I wound up calling The Bunny to come spend Turkey Day with her and Kippy. So, I picked up Kippy, we headed to Rockland Bakery (and skipped the whole line!) to pick up some treats and arrived by 1. We sat around with Sissy and played with The Bunny’s cousins. Dinner was TERRIFIC and I got to see Grandma Durkin (she’s like my Grandma now). All in all a nice evening. We headed to Kippy’s after where we played board games and watched some movies. DB called and I went to meet him at work for a little while.

Friday night RyRy and Kel-Kel took The Bunny and I to dinner at a little Italian place near their house. It was nice to introduce my friends to one another as they are all very important people in my life and I just like spending time with all of them.

Last week flew by in a flash. Being back at work sucked. I can’t even remember what I did. All I know is that DB and I are stronger than ever…. And I couldn’t be happier.

If I could remember more, I would blog more… This weekend was pretty much a wash as I have been sick for a while. I can’t seem to shake this cold. I can say this about this past weekend. Some revelations were revealed and I hold the record for the only person to pass the Outback Steakhouse employment test (Friggin SAT!) buzzed. LOL.

So I am off to bed now (again) with promises to keep you all up to date on the goings on in my life. 10-4 over and out.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Happy Birthday, Flirt!!! (Fellow Scorpio)

It's The Flirts birthday today. Drop by his site and give him some best wishes on his day. Maybe stay for a while and read his site. It's good stuff. ;)

Do You Know What Happens....

.....When you have some kind of insecurity and you discuss it with your girlfriends (who have the same insecurities?) It makes it worse. LOL. I sat and analyzed the ENTIRE night with DB with 2-3 of my girlfriends and although they were supportive and gave good "outside of the box" advice, it didn't stop me from completely overanalyzing the entire evening. Long story short, we were both two very cranky people who had a bad night. No more overanalyzing. It reeks havoc on my sleep pattern and my belly (who decided to hurt and gurgle when I'm upset). I need to take things for what they are and start worrying when someone tells me there is something to worry about. :) We both acknowledged our crankiness from the prior night and got past it just as easy as anything else in our relationship. I heart the Drummer Boy. :)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

He E-mailed Me.......

DB e-mailed me. I guess I feel better, but I'm not sure. He said he woke up close to 1PM and cleaned his gutters and got his oil changed... I am assuming he didn't meet me for lunch because he felt there wasn't enough time. I don't know. Why didn't he answer his cell when I called though? Or call me and say plans were canceled? Hmmmm. I really need to stop thinking about this because I'll just drive myself nuts thinking about the if's/and's/why's....... Why don't people come with instruction manuals?? LOL.

10-4 over and out.


G'Afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... I need to vent. I want to start off this post by saying I am not mad at DB, I am just frustrated and I need to vent here. (I am sure this will cause a problem later). So yesterday he went to see and old girlfriend. I don't have a problem with him seeing her, it's more the fact that she doesn't know about me and I am a jealous person (at times). I mean, I know he wouldn't do anything with her, so maybe I am just being selfish because I would rather him come see me. Anyway, I'm getting off track here. So he goes and spends however long with her - fine - then calls me afterwards at work. We chat for a bit and then he tells me he will be in the area of my house that night, but he is going out with his friend (we'll call him Fat Bastard... I don't like him. I think I posted about him previously, but I can't remember.) So I say, "You're going to go out with FB and then not see me until after 10PM again?" (I assumed he would be picking up his son at 9PM which is his usual routine.) This annoys me because we were up late the night before and I was extremely tired and really didn't want to wait up again. I mean, I'd do it - I'll always do it if it means I get to see him, but it just annoyed me that he had this free time and would rather see FB and drink then come by me. Or come by me first and see FB later on in the night. I let it drop and that was the end of it. Before we hung up, I said (as cute as I could), "I'm mad at you though."

With my eyes practically closed, The Bunny picked me up to go get some eats. I could barely walk by the time I got home I was so tired (see previous posts that I have CFS and when I'm tired, I need to sleep...) So, I get home around 9 ish, maybe earlier (it took FOREVER to get to the place we wanted to eat). I get into my jammies and relax for a minute and then I call DB thinking I would get his VM and leave a cute message. He answered. WTF? I say, "Why are you answering?" He says, "I didn't have to pick him up. I am going to stay out with FB for another drink or two and then I will come by, OK?" I say OK and then we hang up. I get into the shower and climb into bed.

10:30 rolls around and he calls me, "Is it OK if I still come by?" It was weird because at 10:12 I said to myself, "He has until 10:30 and then I am shutting the phone off." I say yes and we hang up. Moments later, he arrives and he is cranky. I am cranky. We get snippy with each other. He tells me how he had 7 or so beers and a few shots. Just last week he said I was an alcoholic. This bothers me and makes me crankier. Then he tells me about his lunch and how he still didn't tell her about me because it didn't come up. Which brings me in a flash back to "B" and his comments of, "Well she didn't ask if I had a girlfriend, so I didn't tell her." Argh. I don't want to hold him against DB, but it was the first thing that came to mind. The I tell him I was upset he chose to stay out and drink more then come see me - he gets mad because he "does everything he possibly can to see me as much as possible" - and says how I am trying to control who he is friends with. WTF? Because I am a little selfish and wanted to get to bed at a decent hour, now I am controlling him? I know his comments came out of anger and maybe a little guilt, but it just escalated into something worse. He tells me how FB wants to (basically) kiss and make up with me, but I really feel like he a sneaky fuck and I have a really bad feeling about him and just don't want to have anything to do with him - I think DB is holding this against me. He makes a comment about a show I am watching, "Isn't she dating that guys friend? Why would the friend try to get with her and hit on her?" I say, "I don't know, ask FB, he does it." He looks at me and says, "He DIDN'T hit on you." Ok, that so wasn't what I was talking about, but how the hell does he know what went on - because FB says so? So my word is nothing. ARGH! I feel like I can never express any kind of dissatisfaction/sadness/anger without being made to feel like a fool. I tried very hard not to accuse him of anything or be a bitch about it, I just wanted to get my point across. During all of this, he was falling asleep here and there. So, not only did I not see him for lunch or dinner or before 10:30, now he was going to fall asleep on me? Then he comments how he watches me sleep all the time. Um..... Yea. I work 9-5 and then wait up all night for him to come by and have to do the whole routine over again the next day. I'm going to fall asleep from time to time. I told him about my reservation nightmare for Saturday night and I pouted. I REALLY wanted the Melting Pot and got stuck with Mt. Fuji. I looked at him and pouted. His response? "Pouting isn't going to change it." Um, OK. How about a little support? Like.... "It sucks, but everyone will have a good time, don't worry." Or how about, "We'll go sometime together and make up for it." Something.... Instead of making me feel worse. He wound up getting up and going to leave after going through my bedroom door and knocking over the dog gate waking my mother. I really didn't want her to know what was going on (don't need her input). So after he went to leave, we talked and then he said, "I hate when you do this. I get ready to leave and you get me to stay." He also said, "I feel like you don't appreciate all I go through to see you sometimes." Excuse me? What about what I go through to see him? It isn't all one sided here. I risked my relationship with my mom and KTU just to be able to date him and now I get this?? Is it wrong that I hate going to bed angry or sad? Plus, the one time "B" and I really had it out, he looked me dead in the face (much like DB did last night) and said, "I'm not angry with you, I just want to sleep in my own bed. We're fine. Everything is fine. We'll talk tomorrow." Then he proceeded to dump me the next day. It's wrong to hold this stuff against DB, but it lingers in my mind and I can't help it. So he comes back into my room and we lay down and chat for a little bit about nothing really and then the next thing I know, he's kissing me goodbye and leaving. I haven't heard from him since which leads me to believe that this "fight" isn't quite over. I am hoping I haven't heard from him because he's sleeping because he stayed at my place late, but I don't know.

OK, so maybe I am selfish in wanting to see him and want my sleep too. And maybe my anger for FB may have clouded my "vision." But I just want to see him as much as I can...... Without being so exhausted I can't even eat. Is this wrong? I try so hard not to say things I will regret when we "fight," but sometimes he says things that are so hurtful and my mom is upset by that because you should, "never make a dig at someone just because you're mad. When you're fighting, it's just a disagreement, you don't hate one another." I mean he doesn't make nasty digs it's more things he knows will bother me (i.e. "At least I remember everything after a night of drinking.") I don't know, I guess I am just sad that we seem to be fighting so much lately and I don't know what to do to correct it. Stop voicing my opinions? Stop talking completely? Act like I just don't give a crap? I don't know. I guess I'll feel better once I hear from him. I really do love him and spending time with him - even if we are fighting, but I can't stand having this pit in my stomach every other day either. Part of me thinks maybe I cause the fights so I can chase him away before he leaves me. But I really don't think all the "fights" are completely me trying to argue.

On top of all this, my mother and aunt are arguing. It's gotten so bad that Mama Dukes actually canceled our trip to Disney in March. Fabulous. I so DO NOT want to get caught in the middle of this. I am praying that The Bunny's cousin comes through with a job for me so I can move out sooner than expected. Even if I have to rent.

Monday, November 13, 2006

I'm Bringing Sexy Back....... YEA!

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday (5 days until vacation for me!! Yea!!!) So.... The weekend... Friday was filled with everyone telling me to #1, find a new doctor and #2 Not listen to his scare tactics. I made a follow up appointment with a different doctor, so we'll see. I decided not to let it ruin my entire night.

The Bunny came by my place around 7:30 Friday night as we had planned on getting some dinner and maybe a movie. We headed over to Friday's for some eats and DB called. All was well with us again. I guess I got a little crazy over something he said and he wasn't even really mad at me after all that. It's weird though, the more silly miscommunication we have, the closer is brings us. So I am not sure if these "fights" are really a bad thing or not. The Bunny and I finished up dinner and did a drive by or two (LOL). We had to get some fuel and we killed time just talking and catching up. It's nice to have her back. I'm still scared though. I don't want to go through getting close to her again and having some dumb f**k ruin it. I like having her in my life and I hate it when we don't talk. It's weird with her though, the minute we start talking and hanging out again, it's like no time has passed and we just get back into the groove. After we did our drive by's and what not, we headed over to Casa to see DB's band play. I was very proud of The Bunny (and myself). She had 1 1/2 beers and I had about 1 drink. We both had a fun and sober evening. Around 1 AM we headed home as we were both tired and needed some relaxation. :) DB came by after his gig was over and we hung out until around 5:30 AM. I swear, the more I see him, I grow more and more in love with him. He poked fun of my momentary mental lapse the evening before. I poked fun of him. We watched some Howard T.V. and we cuddled. He is just too cute.

Saturday - Woke up early because the pups decided they needed to go pee at 8AM. How lucky for me. I napped for a little while after I walked them and then it was time to get up and get myself to Kel-Kel's house for Maggie Sue's baby shower. Mama Duke was awake bright and early making baked ziti for me for the party (and it was yummy if I say so!) I "wrapped" the gifts I bought (i.e. - I put them in a nice gift bag with pretty pink tissue paper) and was off. I can't believe how much stuff she got (almost all pink too, LOL!) People were so very generous and I think she was pleased with all her goodies :) I (yea!) won the Baby Shower Bingo and came home with some lovely trinkets. :) I am liking all this Bridal and Baby Showers. LOL. After we helped Maggie pack her car, everyone left except for AJ, ERS and myself, but I had promised The Bunny a night at the movies, so I was off for home. I think Kel-Kel was relieved it was over, she worked her little fingers to the bone planning the Shower that she needed some relaxation time. I think she got it :)
When I got home The Bunny and I made our plans and PPPE was working, but decided to come meet us for a hour or so on his lunch break. So we decided to get some eats, go to the movies and then meet up with him after midnight. Shortly after The Bunny picked me up, he let us know he called in sick. Plans changed immediately. We ate a quick, small din-din and then headed to his place to pick him up. It was a little awkward at first - even though this wasn't technically a blind date. We headed to PR (it blew) and then back to our town to my old favorite place, Ireland's. We wound up chilling there until about 1:30. I wanted to go see my man, so I annoyed the hell out of them until The Bunny agreed to take me home. I was tired, I wanted to see DB and I wanted PPPE and her to have some "alone time" to get to know one another any way. It worked ;) I got to see the boy on duty (Sweet!) and then I was home fairly early. I heart DB.

Sunday - I slept in (yea) and then Mama Dukes and I did a little shoppy shopping. (Mama Dukes paid, can't beat that!) Afterwards I got everything done around the house that I needed.... Then my boy came over. We spent a few hours just enjoying one another's company. :)

Today was spent messaging and chatting with The Bunny, harassing PPPE via text and trying to get some work done. I attempted to make reservations for my birthday dinner this Saturday night and the place I had my heart set on was BOOKED SOLID! I am so sad about it. :( I called several other places, but no restaurants wanted a reservation of 20 on a Saturday night. Not even the Olive Garden? When did they become snobby? I was quite annoyed, but I finally found a Mt. Fuji in NJ that was willing to take my reservation. After about 30 minutes of getting the woman to understand me, my reservation was finally made. Then the manager called me back to as if I was really coming with 20 people. LOL. No one better back out! LOL. Do these restaurants not realize the money they will be losing out on??
Anyway, I am getting ready for the boy to come by and I just got home from yet an other dinner with The Bunny. I need to go prepare for DB's arrival now and maybe start getting my goodie bags together for my birthday. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Friday, November 10, 2006

I Feel a Little Better.....

Maggie Sue reassured me that Doctor's like to scare people and that mine is an asshole :) I feel a little better now. Thanks Magz. <3

Not Funny.....

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... Not only did I get a second night of crappy sleep, but I got some bad news today. I haven't been sleeping well because I wasn't feeling 100%. Turns out, I have a UTI. So I ran to the Dr. on my lunch hour today to get a presciption. I also didn't sleep well because DB and I had a "misunderstanding" last night. Misunderstanding was, I am not allowed to be upset if he says something I think is hurtful. Enough about that - at this point, that's the last thing on my mind. (Not to belittle my relationship with DB, but what I was told is just a tad more important right now...)

I get to the Dr. and holding in pee with a UTI is the worst pain EVER. They finally call me in and let me pee (yea!) I pee all over my hand (lovely) and go back to the examining room. I wait and wait. They literally forgot I was there. Finally the Dr. comes in and says, "WOW, yes, it's definitely a Urinary Tract Infection." The lectures me about being sexually active (cause that's where he thinks it came from. Wonderful, the guy now knows I have fantastic sex all the time. LOL.) Then he says this, "There was blood in your urine as well. You'll have to come back in 3 weeks for more testing." I say, "What would you be testing for?" He responds (as he is walking out of the room), "Cancer, but I wouldn't worry. It's probably nothing."

This makes all the little things in life really not matter so much. I'm still scared sh*tless - especially with the crappy insurance plan I have. :( Of course I've tried reaching out to Mama Dukes and DB and neither one of them are around to calm my nerves. :( Guess I'll get back to work (Right, like I can concentrate). 10-4 over and out.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Would it be Wrong....

...if I went and took a nap in the bathroom at work? I got such awful, broken sleep last night (woke up 3 times between 2 - 4) and now I am exhausted.

Do you think anyone would notice I was missing from now until 5? How would I wake up at 5 though? LOL.

Birthday Wish List....

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... So many people have asked me what I want this year. Honestly? Nothing really. LOL. The only thing I really wanted Mama Dukes picked up for me (new Coach bag) and the matching wallet she will be picking up next month for me (I guess Mama Dukes isn't so bad, LOL). However, since I've been asked, I will give you some ideas :)
1) I love to shop at Target, Macy's and Barnes & Noble
2) I love Massages :)
3) I am desperate need of new shoes. Well, not desperate, but I'd like to buy some. I guess this would fall under Macy's. LOL.
4) I get my nails done regularly - in the Nanuet Mall (Exotic Nails). I love pedicures too, LOL.
5) I used to go to Trade Secret in Nanuet Mall to get my hair cut and highlighted, but they closed. However, there is a Trade Secret in Palisades :)
6) I LOVE Beverly Hills 90210. I've heard that season one is out on DVD. :)
7) I LOVE Mat Kearny and I want his CD.
8) I need a new digital camera. LOL, but I've told this to Mama Dukes as a Christmas idea....
9) A new (Brown) paid of Uggs - Classic Short. :)
10) TMX Elmo

I think this is all I can give you for now. I am not a woman of many "wants" right now. I'm just way too content with having DB, I don't need much else. :) LOL. Actually, I guess my list is pretty long.... However, these are all just desires, right? I don't actually expect them. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Victory in New York....

Hillary Rodham Clinton remains Senator of NY. Victory feels nice. :)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Who, the Redhead?

G’afternoon Kids & Porn Stars…. Happy Tuesday. Happy November. :) I ABSOLUTELY love the Fall season. October – December is just the best time of the year. We have Halloween, my birthday, Turkey Day, Christmas, New Years…. All good times – all time people are happy and sincere. Anywho, this past weekend was once again awesome due to my wonderfully adoring BF, DB. I want to take a quick moment out to say that I love you, baby! Time frame be damned, you are my true love! :)

OK, Friday night I left work and headed over to DP’s place. We haven’t spent any time together alone to catch up, so we decided dinner was a good way to do so. Plus I needed to give her the b-day gift I had gotten her. After the previous weekend of drinking, neither of us wanted to drink again, so we went to an Italian BYOB place and didn’t bring our own. LOL. We had some tasty eats and got all caught up. Afterwards, we headed back to her place and chilled until close to midnight. I was starting to get sleepy, so I headed home (I only know the long way home, so it took a small while to get back to my house. I hate where I live, LOL). During the time I was at DP’s, The Bunny and I were going back and forth with text messages. We have been talking on and off lately about life and what not. She wanted me to stop by her place, but I needed to get home. It was late and I was tried and bleary eyed. DB was working that night, so I could only see him for a short time, but he was able to make a stop by :) He was at my place for a decent amount of time and I looked at him and couldn’t resist. I said, “I need to tell you something.” He looked at me funny – I think he thought I was going to give him some piece of bad news or something. Instead, I said something nice (for once, lol). “I am just so glad I met you.” Then I smiled. I really, really meant it. He then gave me some news I had been waiting to hear since I met him. :) We hugged and he was off. I love, love, love you, baby……. After he left, I drifted off to dream land and dreamt of the wonderful life DB and I are going to have together.

Saturday was spent running errands and emptying out my storage facility (Well, most of the unit, not everything….). I rested afterwards preparing myself to be out late watching DB’s 3rd band perform (this is the first time I was going to see the Love Cats!) The Bunny’s man was away for the weekend and since DB’s band was playing near her house, I told her to stop by (I know, I know. I’m asking for trouble and I am opening the door to be hurt again. Don’t worry, I know what I am doing Kids….) I figured the worse case scenario is we have one fun night out and that would be that. Our e-mails and text messages have been very nice and we had gotten together the Monday night prior for drinks and dinner and things went well. We decided to meet at Rick’s at 9. When I got there it was like a small reunion – everyone (regulars included) saying hello and hugs all around. I sssooo don’t miss that place. I found The Bunny in the mix of the madness and we made out way to end of the bar. I spotted my boy and he came and said hello. Before we knew it, we had seats at the end of the bar, the Owners showed up and bought us a round and the band started. The band was actually a lot better than I thought it was going to be and we wound up having a really great time. The Bunny’s ex (shitbag) showed up and wanted to start a fight with me. No clue why, so when The Bunny mentioned how he wanted to tell me to go F myself, I figured I would pave the way for him. So, being me, I tapped him on the shoulder and whispered in his ear, “Hey Stemps, I own a vibrator. I F myself every night.” LOL. What a loser. They’ve been broken up for years, this guy really needs to let sh** go already. The night carries on and we have a good time. Before I know it, it’s time to go. DB was worried about The Bunny driving home – we tried to get her keys, but she seemed OK to drive. We decided to follow her to her place. We missed the light and she headed on ahead of us. The next thing I know, she’s calling my cell, she was in an accident. The rest of the evening went by very fast and we did our best to help The Bunny out of a bad situation. I sobered up damn quick and I felt like her mom. She scared the crap out of me, I was just so glad she wasn’t hurt. Things surrounding the accident got f’d up, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

I spent Sunday resting and helping Mama Dukes out around the house since she is STILL sick. (She’s had this weird cold for weeks now). DB fell asleep and wasn’t able to come over, so it was another day to add to the list of days we didn’t see one another since the day we met (I am happy to say I think I can count those days on one hand…)

Since the accident, I’ve spoken to The Bunny every day. Partly to make sure she’s OK and partly because it does feel nice to have her back in my life. After Saturday night, I thought maybe he would be a little scared of me – and of me having The Bunny back in my life, but he was really cool about it. And, I think he sees what I see in her. A scared little girl who just wants to be loved.

Monday AM, DB called to meet me for lunch and we had a nice meal at my favorite little place in P.R. Then last night he came over and we hung out with my mom for a little while and then watched a little Howard T.V. before I passed out. It’s so weird, but he already fits in my life and my family. It was weird to sit and look at pictures while drinking a beer with Mama Dukes, but at the same time it felt right. I hope everything we talked about Friday is real and things go as planned…… I don’t think I have ever been this happy in my life.

So, work. It sucks. It’s busy and I don’t feel I am being compensated for my talents. I was refused my raise – the boss wouldn’t even take it to the higher ups. So, I’ve started seriously looking for something else. Why should I have to work 2 jobs at my age and with my education and experience background? That’s just B.S. I hope something comes through ASAP. Then, of course, the money will magically appear and be offered to me, but at this point, enough is enough.

So, not sure if I mentioned that I tried to “make peace” with Blade at work. Just because we work together…. I figured it was best. This was well over a week ago. She said, “I’m not ready to speak to you, but when I am, we will talk.” Is she kidding me? So, we ignored one another since. Yesterday when I got back from lunch with DB, I ran into her and “the lunch group” and RG actually wanted to wait for a second elevator. Blade was like, “No, this is fine,” and they all jumped in with me. Are they kidding me?? So today I had to walk near Blade’s desk and she waved hello. I assumed there was someone behind me. I walked by again minutes later and she jumps out in front of me and says hello. Weird. People are just plain weird.

Psycho update on The OC. One of the last things she said to me was, “Anything we spoke about in confidence will be kept as such.” I get an e-mail from my co-worker today, “Did you tell The OC about such and such?” Without getting into too much detail, we did talk about it – all speculation. Then the co-worker told me it was a true rumor and I kept my mouth shut about it. Apparently, The OC called her over the weekend and told her I had given her all the details on it. I’m starting to get a little frightened to walk to my car alone at night. She is whacked out! Not to mention I haven’t said a word about the crazy a** sh** she has told me in private. What a psycho!!!!!!

This weekend I am attempting at playing Matchmaker for two good friends. :) I’ll let you all know how it goes……..

OK, I seriously need to get some work done. Peace out bitches. 10-4 over and out.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Someone Took Their Crazy Pill Today....

Ok, seriously, how many times do you need to ask someone to leave you alone before they take the actual f***ing hint to leave you alone?
Latest OC rendition (She forwarded the e-mail she sent to my co-worker - I think I mentioned this earlier) Scroll down as this top e-mail was my latest response (there is only so much crap you can take from someone!!):

-----Original Message-----
From: Bethany
Sent: Thursday, November 02, 2006 11:33 AM
To: 'The OC'
Subject: RE: I emailed RG....see attached

Donna - GO TO HELL! LEAVE ME ALONE! how many more times do I need to ask you to not contact me again?

DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN! Leave me alone! This is over and I NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN. Please delete my e-mail you crazy b*tch!

-----Original Message-----
From: The OC [mailto:]
Sent: Thursday, November 02, 2006 11:31 AM
To: Bethany
Subject: I emailed RG....see attached

Your a liar Bethany, RG told me I should check out my facts!!!!! And your telling me I am sick???? Did you make up all that stuff about Rhonda bad mouthing me??? It seems you did.

here is RG's response to my email!!!

From: "RG" Add to
Address Book Add Mobile Alert
To: "The OC"
Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 17:42:50 -0500

Got your e-mail today. Not really interested in
going back and forth with you, but before you go off
on someone you should get your facts straight! In any
case, I am deleting you from my e-mail - good luck to

--- "The OC" wrote:

Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 07:17:19 -0800 (PST)
From: "Donna M. OConnor"
Subject: FYI


Beth told me today that she told you that she told me all the rotten things you said to her and Lisa P about me. I can't accept the fact that you pretended to
be my friend when I was at Walter Karl and even after I left. I was shocked and hurt by the things she told me you said about me. YOu are 2 faced and fake and you
and I are not friends any more. I was only nice to you and your friend and I didn't deserve this.

God Bless you,
The OC

Holy crap - can we say crazy?? This bitch is just unwilling to let this sh*t go. I think, by now, it's obvious I DO NOT want to have any kind of relationship with her. Why can't she take the hint and let it go already!?! Does anyone have an experience with CRAZY?? Help!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Happy Halloween..... On 11/1. :)

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... Happy Hump Day. Yesterday came and went so fast and it's one of my 4 favorite days of the year (St. Patty's Day, Christmas, my B-Day, and Halloween). I feel so sad that I didn't really do anything to celebrate and I didn't even dress up. :( It's just been a down week. I mean, I don't feel down, I guess I'm just a little sad that people suck. (See below post). I'm not so much sad that I won't be friends with this person anymore (she was treating me like crap), it's more the fact that I was let down by yet another person. People suck. What makes matters worse is that about 6 weeks back, I got into an argument with The OC because she misread an e-mail I sent her and flew off the handle. I responded by telling her to calm down - re-read the e-mail - and stop blaming me for something I didn't do. She responded with a very nasty, very hurtful e-mail that was basically trying to psycho analyze me. I let it go and move on. Over the weekend I sent her a simple e-mail asking her if she would like some books she lent me back. Yesterday I get a response reiterating the same hurtful and nasty comments she had said before. All I wanted to know is if she wanted her damn books back. I tried not to go back at her, but she insisting on e-mailing me not once, not twice, but 3 times. I'd had it. She mentioned how I never apologized and she had. So, I apologized in Bethany fashion:
"Typical OC - over analyze what you read in the e-mail and fly off the handle.
You want an apology? Here's your apology... I'm sorry you are crazy and you are taking your miserable life out on everyone around you. I thought I would be nice and get your books back to you, but you need serious mental help. Keep the Powerpoint book and take care - I will donate your books to the library. I have enough crazy in my life and having one less makes my life A LOT easier.
Maybe you should go back to see a shrink, you have severe abandonment issues and paranoia. You really fooled me."
I was tired of being attacked by her and being accused of doing something I didn't do. I'd had enough. My words were mean, but I just wanted to e-mail attack to end.
Then I started to get sad. Not one, but two of my supposed good friends treated me like crap. I started to wonder if it was me. My mom says I am a psyco magnet. Maybe she's right. The OC responded to this e-mail with the following:
"Wow, who is the psycho here??? Goodbye! Take your own advice and join AA and SAA before you hurt someone seriously!!!!"
Ummmmm, OK. So I drink. So I have sex with my boyfriend. This coming from someone who sells pot and smokes up and is unemployed at the age of 50? When I am going to realize I can't "fix" people or help people who don't want to be helped? I deleted her last e-mail as I just didn't want to go back and forth with her any longer. For me, it was done.
This morning I come in to the SAME exact e-mail in my inbox. She had forwarded it back to me AGAIN. I responded to her because I was annoyed she just couldn't let this drop:
"You felt the need to forward this to me again? God OC, do you EVER give up??Apparently not. Let it go already! You really are SICK!"
She writes back shortly after:
"Yes, I sent it again because I wasn't sure you got it, nope I am not sick, just shocked at how you fooled me and how spiteful and how fake you are."
Is it me or does this pretty much just prove how insane she is? Oh and when we were friends, she used to tell me all the time how she didn't like this one woman we worked with (but pretended to be friends with her.) She e-mails this woman yesterday and tells her I talked about her all the time. Then this woman gets in MY face at work. Am I wrong in thinking OC is a fucking nut job??

On to the good news.... Friday night DB and I celebrated our 2 month anniversary. I can't believe it's only been 2 months (it feels like I've known him my whole life). I maybe (he jury is still out) celebrated a little too hard.... Something I am not comfortable with having done and do not intend to do again. DB wasn't too happy with the fact that I passed out afterwards, so we really had no time alone to celebrate. :( We hung out Saturday and Sunday night though and we are more in love each time we see each other. I know his concern comes from how much he cares for me and it feels good to be loved by someone so special. I know, I know, cold hearted Bethany is turning into a big, friggin' mush. Get used to it, Bethany is in love. :)

10-4 over and out.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Punching Bag No Longer......

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... A few posts back I mentioned how irritated I was with a certain friend. Well, Friday afternoon I had it. So I decided to e-mail her and tell her that I don't appreciate being treated like a punching bag. The e-mail was concise and to the point and was no where near a "we will never be friends again." Her response? "I am not even going to go back & forth with you on this." Is it me, or does this pretty much tell you that what I'd written must have hit home? Flash forward to Sunday where (and this is so gay) she moved me out of her top 8 friends on MySpace. So I deleted her. I don't intend on being treated like crap by someone like her again. I talked to the Cowgirl about this Friday night and she was like, "Wait.... This person is 41 years old and she's acting like this??" Yes, Kids, can we say grow up already? This morning I popped on there (It's now Monday AM) to check something out for DB and I see her sister has "gotten even" with me and deleted me from her MySpace. Ouch. Score one for blood being thicker than water. LOL. I'm really living my life through MySpace, LOL. I feel so much better knowing that when I go to work today, I won't be yelled at for something I didn't do or listening to her weekend recap about how some other guy (some much younger guy she met through MySpace) treated her like crap. I feel so much better knowing I don't have to feel like crap while I am at work. :) 10-4 over and out.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


I called the vet and they think Mr. Mason might have a Urinary Tract Infection that is common in male cats. They tend to pee where you will find it to let you know something is wrong.

This f***er better be sick. Or I am going to make him sick. Bastard-o.
I'll keep ya'll posted. 10-4 over and out.

Pound Bound

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... So, after so many washings, my comforter shrunk a little. Yesterday I recieved a Bed, Beth & Beyond coupon in the mail. So I decided to go buy a new comforter. It took me an hour to pick out the perfect comforter and to come to terms with spending over $100 on what is basically, a blanket. I finally picked out this beautiful greenish comforter with stripes. It wasn't exactly what I wanted (I wanted blue), but it was nice and it was over a 300 thread count. It was soft and I could see me and DB collapsing and staying warm under this blanket.

I get the comforter home and unwrap it and put it on my bed. DB called, he was on his way over :). I brushed my teeth and headed back into my room. I see Mr. Mason sitting on top of my new comforter. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHAT....... ARE......... YOU..........??" I run over to the bed. And there is Mr. Mason, standing in a huge puddle of cat urine. ON THE NEW COMFORTER. On my quilt that I NEVER use (but had to because he peed on everything the night before). On my EXPENSIVE ASS sheets. On my mattress pad. Everything is splashed with cat urine. I grab him and proceed to throw him down into the basement. Once again, I had to strip the bed. This time I had NO blanket to sleep with because everything else was being washed. (Eventually Mama Dukes found me a quilt). My new comforter sat on the living room floor the whole night as I bought a King Sized comforter and it doesn't fit in the washing machine....

DB shows up and I am sure got an eyefull of our future together as I yelled at the cat and the dogs... He tried to comfort me, but there really is no comforting when you know your only option is to get rid of your pet. :( Wish me luck on getting through this. :(

10-4 over and out.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Anyone Want a Mangy Cat?

G'morning Kids, Porn Stars and pet owners.... Happy Hump Day. As you may know, I live at home with my mommy, LOL, and with me came 2 dogs and the kitty I adopted with The Bunny when we lived together. This cat has been a thorn in my side since we adopted him. She didn't want him when she left and I felt bad giving him back to the pound as we accepted responsibility for him. Leighbug was cool with cats, so he moved with me to the second apartment. When I moved home, he had to come with me too. He's been a biter since I got him and has always been fairly nasty, but he makes up for it when he's loving (sometimes he is actually really cute!) He peed in the house once when I lived with The Bunny - he marked his territory when my apartment was "infested" with squirrels. Then when I moved in with Leighbug he peed and pooped on her bed. Then one time I caught him peeing on the rug in my old place, but I chocked it up to the fact that his litter box wasn't as clean as he would like it to be.

Fast forward to this last week.... I had the fun of coming home to a smelly bedroom (mmm, my favorite). I assumed it was the dogs as it is time for them to be groomed. Nope. In the back of my mind I knew it wasn't dog pee smell. I searched and searched and found nothing. I changed the litter box. Still smells. I sprayed my whole bed with Febreeze. I could still smell it. I finally gave up and figured maybe he peed on himself and maybe HE smelled. I was attempting to fall asleep with this cat smell in my nostrils. I was uncomfortable so I rolled over onto what is normally DB's spot in the bed and put my foot in a big WET SPOT. And not the GOOD KIND of wet spot. I immediately pull back the covers and see a HUGE FREAKIN wet spot on the bed. I put my nose close. Yup, found the cat pee smell (and yes, it was the cat because the dogs can't get up on the bed.) At this point it's 1 AM. I strip the bed and throw everything in the wash. I yelled at the cat and that was the end of it.

Last night I am folding laundry and hanging in my room with the kitty and the pups. I look over at Mason and he is looking right at me. I see him jump up and start to shake is paw off. HE HAD JUST PISSED AGAIN ON MY BED! I immediately smacked his butt as he flew off the bed and hid underneath. I hadn't put the mattress pad back on since the last time, so the urine went straight down to the F***ing mattress. I kept yelling at him and told my mom to take him to the pound first thing today. Everything is - again - being washed, but this is damn annoying. The bastard is declawed, so I can't put him outside. My mom doesn't want white hair everywhere so he has to stay in my room.... Mason fights with Mama Dukes cat and her cat litter box is in the basement, so I can't put Mason in the basement. I am at my wits end with this cat and I don't know what to do with him.

I read online today that cats pee on your bed when they are mad at you or jealous. The first time he peed it was on DB's side. This time, my bed smelled of his cologne or shampoo/body wash. Is this possible? Is this little prick jealous or mad about something?

He is SO out of the family Christmas card this year. Bastard.

10-4 over and out.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Is It a Kernel of Truth, or Jealousy?

G'Afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... It's been a while since I really, really bitched about something or was genuinely PO'd. Well, all good things come to those who wait, I guess. People really piss me off. I have this friend who I won't name here. I know she doesn't read this, but still, I will keep her name to myself (if you really need to know her name, drop me a line). This aggravation with her has been a long time coming. I mean, we had a "falling out" once before (see this old post) and she apologized, but I never really fully accepted the apology (I know, this is my issue). One of the first times I ever really went out with her, she said, "I don't really have a lot of good girlfriends." I should have taken that as a hint, but I remembered back to the time when I wasn't surrounded by the great group of girls I have now - and I love all of them :). After that night, we became fairly close and after The OC was canned, I started having lunch with her and her "group." At first it was fun - we all busted on one another while we got to know each other and we became a regular group - having lunch together every day. Here and there, I would get attitude about wanting to go out with others or wanting to work through lunch. Then I the falling out occurred and I was just getting generally tired of having lunch with them. When I tried to "break ties" from eating with them every day, I was welcomed with attitude and, "Why don't you WANT to eat with us??" So, I continued - even though one of the people at lunch irked me (not the person in question - this other woman who had such a high opinion of herself and down talked my friend The OC. I didn't like her talking about my buddy, so I had enough. However, I got through it and continued to eat lunch with them... I digress.) Now, since I started sitting with them at lunch, they (the girlfriend and this guy we eat with) would say things like, "You're a pity invite. We really don't want you eating with us." And I would say, "That's fine by me, just stop coming by my desk every day at 1 to 'pick me up' and we won't have a problem. And please stop e-mailing me all morning to find out if I am 'still coming' to lunch." Then they would laugh and think that their joke was the best thing since sliced bread. After about 2-3 months of this, it's getting REALLY old. Now, when I hang out with this person outside of work, something usually happens that becomes "a story" that gets passed around the office. And every time there is a story, she puts a negative spin on it that puts me in a "bad light" if you will. (i.e. - When we went to the city to see a show and the people behind me were being rude, she told everyone how I "started a huge fight in the middle of a comedy club." This is so far from the truth. Two weekends ago, we went to another comedy club and my co-worker CT came and sat with us (it was to support a fellow co-worker). She starts telling a story about how I accused her of being a brown noser when she first started. I NEVER said that. I told her a certain other person (VSP) said that about her. So I spoke up and she got all defensive. I don't get why she insists on trying to make me look bad. It's frustrating and annoying and I am getting really sick and tired of it. Everyone who knows me, knows I bust balls. ALL THE TIME. This is my schtick - if you will. It always seems as though everyone at the table busts on her. However, I am usually the only one she gets pissy with. Which is (again) aggravating and frustrating. Then last week, I got attitude because I didn't call her or e-mail her when I was home sick. (I need to keep her abreast of my schedule now? What happened to friends calling friends to see if their OK when they don't show up to work??) Meanwhile, the day BEFORE I was sick she was nasty and bitchy to me again. Why would I want to call or e-mail her? Then when I came back to work, she asks me, "Why are you so quiet lately? Is it because you're fighting with DB? That's what I assumed." Why would she assume I am fighting with DB?? And I not the kind of person to take it out on others - why can't she see that I am just sick and tired of being her punching bag?? ARGH!

Then today, she e-mails me (as usual), "Are you coming to lunch today?" I had nothing better to do and it's cold outside, so I said, "Sure, why not?" Sure enough, around 1 she comes by and says, "Are you coming," as she passes my desk. I respond, "Yep," as I realize she is going to the front desk to drop something off. So I wait. And wait. She didn't come back. So I get my wallet and go into the hallway. They are no where to be found. So I figure, "F it, if they can't wait, I'll do something else." So I go to the cafe, get something to eat and head back upstairs. My cell rings. It's her. She leaves a VM, "Uh, why did you go upstairs? We are waiting for you downstairs." Ummmmm, OK. Every time we've eaten together we've always gone down together, all of sudden they disappear and I am supposed to go running around looking for them? So not worth it. And now that I've vented, I am so done with this. And being that all this shit is a culmination of her and her behavior, I think I might be done with her.

Monday, October 23, 2006


G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday! So, I guess I need to learn the art of privacy when it comes to romantic relationships. Some things are best left between two partners and I need to respect DB's privacy and not post every last little detail here.

Let me start off by staying that my last post was because DB found this blog as well as my old one and wasn't happy about my "partying" ways. It was a big to do that turned into being the absolute best thing that could have happened for us. It has definitely brought us closer together and I don't regret any of it. So, for now, I will continue on with my blog and make sure to hold other people's privacy in tact.

Friday night - Rushed home after work to get ready for our night out. He showed up a little late, but with a dozen white roses in hand. He was dressed up and looking quite handsome. He took me to dinner at this quaint, romantic Italian place in Jersey. We enjoyed our appetizer, dinner, and wine. We talked through some things. We fought a little :). We enjoyed one another. After that we left and spent a wonderful evening together talking and really listening to one another.

Saturday - Woke up and went to breakfast together.... It was nice to spend the whole night together and wake up together for the first time. After breakfast, we headed back to my house and chatted with Mama Dukes for a while. It already feels like he is part of the family. We napped together while watching t.v. and then we each needed to get on with our other plans for the day. I headed up to Kel-Kel's for my second Fantasia Party and him to his wedding gig. Kel-Kel and I had some great girl talk before anyone showed up and we set up her place for the party. Our girl Carrie called and we chatted her up for a bit. People started showing up - Erica is having twins!!!!!! and the party was underway. By the end of the night, I was very tired and the sales were not what I had hoped or expected :( I think I am giving up on this whole Fantasia idea. It's more trouble than it's worth.... LOL. It was good to see Erica and AJ though :) Kel-Kel was yawning, so she was lucky no one took her up on her movie night afterwards.... I left and was home early enough to get a nap before DB showed up. He called around 1 AM and woke me.... Then I fell back to sleep and the next thing I knew, he was knocking on my window to wake me. He came in and we fell asleep together - so happy to see each other again. :) He left a few hours later and I HATED to see him go...... :(

Sunday - Woke up around 1:30 to Mama Dukes calling. I had tog et up and get dressed as we were going to meet Hillary Clinton at 4:30 :)! If you live in Jersey, you know that Bob Menendez is running for Senator.... Hillary is a big fan of his and we need to get this country back to being run by a Democrat. I live in NY, but I really wanted to see Hillary speak live. She was an awesome speaker!!! She was very motivating and almost brought me to tears. I was thrilled to hear her ideas and she just got me totally motivated to get out and vote 11/7. Mama Dukes got to shake her hand... Her BFF told her to run for president, but it's looking more and more like Obama with be the Democrat hopeful. I'd still love to see a woman run this country. After the rally, we headed to the diner for some eats and then I headed home to nap. It was a long day, LOL, and DB was going to be coming over. When he got there, we just watched a movie and relaxed.

This was really the best weekend ever. 10-4 over and out.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I Think it's Time to End This Blog......

It seems to be more trouble than it's worth - gives people the wrong impression of me - and it leaves a mark in time of things I've done (Which gives people the wrong impression of me). I am so sick and so frustrated right now. I feel violated, aggravated, annoyed, hurt.... I can't even begin to describe the what I am feeling right now because I am feeling so many different things. I am so hurt and disgusted, I could really just scream.

I think I am going to leave work in 20 minutes and I am finding the nearest bar and getting drunk. Maybe some disgusting toothless guy will hit on me and I will let him take me home with him and violate me all over again. It seems to be what I do, right??? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crappy Day Turned Good....

I hated waking up today because I got zero sleep last night.... I hated coming into work today because I dreaded the e-mail inbox and what would be left on my desk. I hated being me this morning. LOL.

Then I come to work - one of the first people here - and it's quiet. The inbox not too bad with the exception of the 1 or 2 nasty e-mails from the boss. Nothing much on my desk. I'm still angry.

Then it happens. I hear MM's voice. Finally some eye candy around my desk. SWEET. I quickly send an e-mail to CT - "Our BF is here. However, the butt is covered." We both quickly decide we look like crap today and we are annoyed because had we known, we would've done our hair today. LOL. It's cute because he's taken and she's married. Me? I don't know what I am, LOL. Especially since I have not heard from DB. According to PPPE, I am a homewrecker - maybe I should start acting like one and pretend to have computer issues so MM needs to sit by my desk. LOL. I may look tired and crappy, but I still smell good and I'm funny. LOL. Not. Well, at least it's one small thing to brighten my day. 10-4 over and out.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The Great Wall of China....

Yep, that's my emotional wall and it's so back up right now. ARGH! DB frustrates me... He ignored my response e-mail to him this afternoon, then blows off stopping by like he said he would, then doesn't answer his cell phone when I call him. All this because I said I was sad I wouldn't be seing him for 3 days. What a jerk! I left him a bitchy voice mail (in pure Bethany fashion, lol) and now I'm quite miffed. I'm out.


I am home sick and I am SSSOOO tired and SSSOOO cranky. Boo, I stink. T.V. isn't even fun today. I think the rain is making me blue. That or the fact that I am supposed to "be confident" in my relationship with DB when I won't be seeing him for 3 days. We couldn't get together last night, tonight he is going into the city with his friend and tomorrow he has to work (and I might have plans...) When I expressed my sadness for not being able to see him, he tells me I need to be more confident in our relationship. WTF? It's not a confidence thing - it's a "I'm sad I'm not going to see you for 3 whole days thing." The absolute longest we've been apart since we met is 2 days. What's next, a whole week :(? (That had better NOT happen because I think that would cause a HUGE problem for us... But, I'm not going to get ahead of myself just yet, LOL). Long story short, I am annoyed he just doesn't get why I am sad and that it's not a "relationship paranoia" thing. Ugh, men are so frustrating. However, I don't answer my phone the other night and he assumes we're breaking up - and I'm the paranoid one? LOL. :) Enough about that - each of our points have been made. We have an awesome night planned for Friday which I am really looking forward to, but again, how am I going to feel Saturday morning? If I miss him this much now when I am not with him - how am I going to feel after a whole night? Why do things effect me so much? Damn I'm cranky today - I should really go back to sleep.

I had dinner with Kel-Kel last night and it was good to see her. She's always been a good listener :) and she often tells me things I need to hear. Plus I think I have a weight loss partner - we could each use one another support. Go us! She's already ahead of the game with exercising - I really need to get my a** back to the gym.... I was hoping to go today. I guess we'll see how I feel later on tonight.

I am hoping my special friend will call me - I think he's been feeling a little blue lately too. Doogs, I miss you.... E-mails aren't enough! I can't wait to see you :) When the heck are you getting home already - geez?!? LOL. Big hugs to you....

I'm off - I think I am going to pop in a DVD and chill. TNT afternoon dramas are just not doing it for me. LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Wasn't Fantasia Supposed to be Fun??

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Bethany is a little annoyed today. Actually, I've been annoyed for a while now, but today put me slightly over the edge. My P/T gig that was supposed to be more fun than work is really starting to grate on my nerves. This was supposed to be a way for me to make extra money for my future house - while still having fun and selling something I believe in and enjoy.

When Midge and I went to the sales rally, we both felt like we were pressured into signing up - even without our "Five Parties" that we "had" to have before signing up. Midge dropped out of the running (lucky girl) and now they are harassing me to get more parties when I've only had one (and 2-3 more to come). I don't like harassing my friends to do this and I feel like I am.... I have gotten (in total) 4 e-mails and about 5 phone calls from my "managers" telling me I need to be "more in contact" with them. I told them from day one - I am not a phone person. Especially when these two bitches like to talk and are trying to be my "friend." I don't want to be friends - this is business. A few days ago, I called to check in and I was told (AND I QUOTE!!!) "We were wondering why you don't return calls that quickly - I mean, you don't have children or grand children - so we were a little surprised." WTF? Who are they to criticize or past judgment on what I do with my free time?? No, I don't have kids, BUT I DO HAVE A F***ing life. So this morning, I e-mailed one of them a question. A yes or no answer was expected back. Instead I get this long lecturing e-mail from her telling me to CALL (yes in CAPS!) them more often - especially after my party this weekend. I am thoroughly annoyed and contemplating my response to them now. I don't want to be nasty, but I have been nice long enough. Time to whip out some Bethany on their a**. ARGH!

10-4 over and out.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Pancakes Anyone? LOL

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... Happy Monday. What a wonderful and terrific weekend it was. I, of course, got to see my DB. After work Friday, I rushed home to get ready for the concert we planned on attending. I knew I wasn't going to have time to talk to Mama Dukes, so I left her a note. We had some things we needed to talk about because things just aren't good at home these days. DB was right on time and we headed out around 6PM. We were both under the impression that the concert was at MSG, but it was at Giants Stadium. We fought some traffic on the way down and stopped for a quick bite to eat. I felt better once I talked things out with him about Mama Dukes. :) Just seeing him made me feel better. When we got to the stadium, we walked like cattle over, bought some drinkies, and settled into our seats. The opening band wasn't my thing, but I have an open minded. :) We sat hand in hand and took everything in... We poked fun of some of our surroundings and I finally got to see what one of his favorites bands was all about. I really can't see him at a Kelly Clarkson concert for me though. LOL. At the end of the show, we ran into this really heavy guy that was seated a few rows behind us. He had poked fun of him in the beginning of the night and thought it would be funny to push me into his "butt up front" as we were leaving. This is what I grabbed:

I wanted to kill DB, but in the long run, it was pretty funny. After the show, we headed over to the OL and caught a few songs by Chubb Rock and a few drinkies. Then we headed back to my place where I found a "response" from Mama Dukes. He comforted me and we relaxed for as long as time would allow.

Saturday I spent the day recovering from being out so late with The Boy the night before. I relaxed, cleaned, watched some tube and counted down the hours until I would see DB again. Around 8, I headed out to Vin D's Comedy show in Westchester. I was supposed to meet up with Blade, LC, and a few others from work. The bar the show was at was way too small for all the people who came. We could barely hear the show and fights ensued, but anything for a good story, right? LOL. (I didn't pick any fights this time - LOL! Although I did back up my girlies.) As soon as we paid our check, we flew out of there. Just as I was getting into my car, DB called - his gig was done. We decided to meet up at a bar in Congers where his friend's band was playing. It was nice to seem him.... We enjoyed the band and chatted with his best buddy R (who had e-mailed me earlier that day that I was taking up too much of DB's time.... Oooops.) I got to see the infamous "Pancakes" play on his home made guitar and I made a new MySpace friend. :) Around 2 he wanted to head back to my place and R was a little sad to see us go, lol. I fell asleep on my boy and we cuddled for a bit and then he was gone. boy and GSB both called me while were out. I felt bad that they called, but part of me was feeling like I should take the calls given my situation with DB. I didn't though. And I feel good about my decision.

Sunday I woke up early and took frequent naps. I love not having to work on the weekends... Don't know how long that will last, so I am soaking it up now. I made the mistake of posting the picture I took below of DB and myself on MySpace and he was a little worried and asked me to take it down. In case you all haven't figured it out yet, he has a small situation going on and his privacy is very important to him. I got a little upset by his request and removed all references to him. Then he got mad that I was upset.... Silly. My cell phone wasn't working at around 10:30 ish and he tried calling me - twice - and the calls weren't coming through so he thought I was really pissed at him. LOL. Around 12:30 I got a VM indicator and called him back. He came over shortly after and we talked and hugged and realized that we are both really in love with one another, but things just seem so complicated. I was happy he came by and I am (once again) counting down the minutes until I see him again. We have Friday night planned out - it will be our first night spending the night together.... I am totally excited and I can't wait for Friday to be here. Then again, I am scared as to how I will feel Saturday morning when the night is over. I am so sad when I am not with him. :(

****This just in. I received an e-mail back from "B's" brother.
"It was a softball collision. He is doing better. He'll be fine." That's all I get after 3 years. How nice.

Anywho, I guess I should get some work done. The boss is out of the office and I am helping to hold down the fort. I guess since I am getting paid to be here, I might as well do something (that and the fact that I have a TON of work piling up. Hmmmm, lol).... LOL. 10-4 over and out.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

We Are Too Cute...............

Aren't we just THE cutest thing?? This is us at the (my first of more to come, I think) Iron Maiden concert. I heart DB. ;)

Friday, October 13, 2006

I Was Right.....

My theory has always been, what goes up, must come down. Life is a roller coaster, yadda yadda. That's always been my thing when I have a bad day or when a friend is having a bad moment. My roller coaster was flying high for quite some time, but all good things must come to an end. This has been SUCH a crappy week :(. I think it will all gett better tonight when I see DB though. :) I guess my roller coaster hit bottom, but it seems to be going back up.... Just a few more hours until I spend the whole evening adoring my boy. I can't wait to get the heck out of work and get a drink and frolick in Manhattan with DB. LOL.

P.S. - Anyone know of any good apartments in my ara that allow dogs and that are affordable?? With everything going on with the brother, Mama Dukes is really on the last nerve. I need to move. I need my own space. ASAP.

10-4 over and out.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Is This Wrong?

A-hole, AKA my brother "Briberry," has decided to go back into the military - the reserves. Is it wrong that I hope that this jackass avid Bush supporter gets sent overseas? I truly hate his greedy, pathetic ass. It's terrible that I feel this way about my own flesh and blood, but I seriously can't stand him.
He's one of those people who knows what they can say to really get to you and throws it in your face.... He latest e-mail was his favorite rendition of how my father never loved me and how I never had any relationship with him. My brother really is a piece of work. 10-4 over and out.

I'm in it for the Long Run...

DB called me as soon as he woke up this morning. We had lunch together (2 hours, LOL) and things are good with us. I think I can handle this. At least for a little longer. I can't stop loving him because I fear the future. I have to learn to live and love in the here and now. Just seeing him made everything that happened yesterday seem better. I REALLY hate being this vulnerable. LOL. But, I like being in love with DB.

I Want the Fairytale....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars. Yesterday was a bad day all around. My morning started off with The OC picking a fight with me for no reason. She was let go from my company back at the end of June and has been without work since. She had one job offer about a month ago - worked one day and quit because it wasn't what she expected. I've been trying my best to help her find a job and keeping my eyes and ears open for anything that comes up that might be good for her. So, I was completely thrilled when she was hired last week for a really decent company. She was due to start this past Monday. Tuesday came and I e-mailed her inquiring how it went (she was off that day). Her e-mail back to me said that she was afraid to be honest with me for fear I would judge her. I asked, "Did you quit?" She said no, but she was being screwed by the girl who she will be replacing. I said, "What? How are you being screwed on the first day? What did she do?" She then calls me and rips into me about how dare I judge her and this is exactly what she was afraid of, etc. etc. Excuse me? How am I judging her because I was inquiring as to what happened?? I wound up just saying, "When you calm down, call me back." And I hung up on her. I let it go and didn't think about it for the rest of the day.

I get home to find a nasty e-mail from the brother.... It was one of his usuals - threatening me. I responded, calling him a child and to calm the f down. I also took this time to mentioned that he needs to keep his comments about me to himself and not try to control my mothers thoughts. I get a response not too long after saying that my mother has lied to me - he never said anything to her about me. Interesting.

Then the whole thing went down with my Kel-Kel. I don't think she intentionally hurt me - she never would and I know that. I just really hate when people lie and make up stories about me to make themselves look better (not Kel-Kel, just want to make this clear) and I really hate when my friends don't stick up for me and set the record straight. I realize she didn't think anything wrong of the situation and I am not angry with her. I am more angry at the person who caused all this nonsense and I wish he would just 'fess up and tell the truth about what really happened. (You hit on me and told me how you wanted me when I was 16 and how you thought people would consider you a pervert!) The whole thing is really pathetic and a certain other person is really a master manipulator. Kudos to you D.B. (not Drummer Boy), you know how to get exactly what you want.

To top off the evening, I did not see DB - I only received an e-mail from him. In my hour of pity, I broke down and called "B." His answering machine is no longer on. I call his cell. No answer. I e-mail him and again receive his out of office. He's still out of work?? It's been 2 weeks! "B" has never missed a day of work in his career and now he's out for 2 weeks? This must be serious. Now I am really worried. So much so, I e-mailed his brother this morning to find out just what the heck is going on.

I think the thing that bothered me most about last night is that this is the first time I didn't see DB two days in a row. Then yesterday all I received was a few e-mails. I'm starting to wonder about this situation. It's starting to weigh on me emotionally.... and physically. Is it so wrong for me to want the fairytale? I see all these other couples around me - spending the night with one another, doing double dates, practically living with one another. All DB and I have are a few stolen moments together here and there and I am just not sure I am up to the challenge. Relationships shouldn't be this hard - romantic ones or others. I love him - with all my heart, but I just don't know if I can do this. 10-4 over and out.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Setting the Record Straight....

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars.... In the last few months I have been annoyed and irritated a lot more often than I care to be. Maybe I should just cut people off because it seems to create more problems then they are worth.

I am going to say this once - loud and clear and in writing - and then I never want to be questioned on it again. Or called a liar.
Maggie Sue got married nearly two months ago. I spent days preparing to look good - for my man (at the time) "B." All I wanted was to look good on his arm, to have a great night with him, enjoy myself at the wedding and see my girls. I did not ask to be hit on, but I was. And it pissed "B" off, but it was done. I did not, repeat DID NOT ask to be hit on or doing the hitting. Did I give a certain person my phone number? Yes. Because he asked to keep in touch. That was all it was. Did it make me feel good to find out that a guy I had a crush on in high school had a huge crush on me too? Yes. Was I going to act on it? No. Did I ask his brother to come up to me and tell me how beautiful I looked and say, "Shit, my wife is coming."? No, I didn't. But some how, sure enough, I come off looking like the whore again and I did absolutely nothing. Seriously, people need to get off their high freaking horses.

I am really tired of having a 3rd party unknowingly stir things up. All I was trying to do was to do something nice - and again I get pooped on. I am so done with people. 10-4 over and out.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I've Fallen and I Can't.....

OK Kids, so as I mentioned in my last post, I fell yesterday. Pretty dumb move and it was damn embarrassing. I laughed at myself and Kel-Kel and Bucky enjoyed it as well. I was removing things from my storage facility and lost my footing on a weird lip/crack on the sidewalk ramp thing they have outside as I was pulling a chair down on a dolly. The way my foot landed on this crack, my foot turned on it's side (I do this a lot, LOL, usually when drunk) and I went crashing down. I landed flat on my back. My butt hurt and my ankle hurt a little. I thought nothing of it, shook it off and we kept moving.

Today, my back hurts. My neck hurts. My ankle and the side of my foot hurts. I have a pounding migraine. I am groggy and completely out of it. I go to lunch with my normal crew and they scared the crap out of me. "It could be a concussion - you should go to the ER AND you should sue!," they said to me. I said, "I just want to sleep." "No, don't sleep - you might never wake up again!," they replied..

I am about to poop myself and Mama Dukes is in Florida. :( 10-4 over and out.

I Like to Dip Them in a Parafin Wax....

G'morning Kids & Porn Stars.... TGIF. I am happy to say I am working from home today (yea!) Mama Dukes left for Florida yesterday (YEA again - she's been getting on the last nerve lately with all this Briberry - the brother - sh*t going on) so I had to be home while the floor people install her new bedroom flooring.
I really should have just taken the day off because I am ssoo exhausted. However, it's our "busy time" and I can't afford to be out of the office this week or next. Argh, I hate my job, lol.
So, I have been neglecting my blog this past week because exhaustion has set in beyond my control. I am so tired I can't even fathom sleeping. Last weekend my Fantasia Party was cancelled due to so many last minute cancellations. However it's been rescheduled for tomorrow and come hell or high water, I am having the party. LOL. (I've also set up a MySpace website for my business, check, check, check it out... Bethany Fantasia) So, instead of the party last weekend, Kel-Kel, Andrea and I went to Friday's for some din-din and talk :) We hadn't seen Andrea in quite some time, so we spent the time catching up. After dinner, Andrea headed home and Kel-Kel and I headed over to The 'Burg to see my man's band play (and so she could finally meet the guy who brings such a HUGE smile to my face.) I was so excited to see him play and my Kel-Kel helped me out with trying to track down some new clients :) Kel-Kel had to awake early on Saturday AM, so we left around midnight and I rested up waiting for him to come over. :) It was a very nice night indeed.

Saturday - Woke up feeling like death. DB stopped by after his afternoon gig in my town (Town Day, LOL) and we hung out for as long as we could. I had to get ready to head into the Bronx for LC's housewarming party. He stayed too long and I was running late - I still needed to get a gift! I wound up getting to meet Blade on time and we headed over. I felt bad once we realized that so many people bailed on the party, but it was intimate and cool and we had a great time.

I am trying to recap this way too late and I can't remember everything else that happened... It's actually now Monday AM (I can't believe how fast this weekend went!!) Friday I worked from home as we had many repairs going on and Mama Dukes and AK are both in Florida visiting some family. Around 4:30 I cut out of work early (lol) and took a nap. I then headed up to Kel-Kel's for some dinner with her and Bucky (AKA RyRy - LOL. Sorry RyRy, I have to!) After dinner we headed back to their place and chatted and planned out my business cards. I had to leave around 10ish because I was supposed to see DB. I did a quick change and waited for him to call... We decided to head over to PR to see his buddies band play. We were one of about 5 people there. We didn't last that long, maybe 2 drinks. Then we headed back to my place where we hung out for a while (AKA - I passed out and he watched me sleep).

Saturday - I spent the whole day cleaning and preparing for my big shindig that evening. I had no clue who would show, all I knew is that I wanted to place to be spotless.... With 4 dogs and 2 cats, it was nearly impossible, but it was done. My house looked beautiful. I had some last minute purchases and errands to run and the booze I bought in the 24th hour (lol) proved to me a smart choice. :) The party was a success - I was a little too drunk, so next time I need to not drink. The girls had and fun and that's all that matters. DB came over after all the girls left and I, once again, passed out on him. I guess that's what happens when you drink 3/4 of a bottle of Stoli O. Ooops.

Sunday was another long day. Kel-Kel woke me up (I was awake bright and early, but went back to sleep.) We had planned on moving my stuff out of storage in the afternoon. Her sisters were unable to help, Bam-Bam (her sisters dog) bit my leg, I fell down and cracked my head and my ass, and by the end of the day we could only get the couch and chairs to her place. We need to go back another time to get the rest of the stuff. Hopefully after I recover from the fall. Yesterday the pain wasn't bad. Today I am hurting and I have a serious migraine. DB came by last night for about a 1/2 hour before work. He's too cute.

Thursday night he gave me a gift. He said the "L" word. I really do love this boy. I hurt when I don't see him. My heart actually hurts when I miss him. I told him I don't like this vulnerable side of me. :) I hope he comes by tonight. I need to get back to work now... This is my "crazy" time and since I don't feel well, it takes twice as long to get motivated to do something. I don't think OT is in my future tonight. Damn. I need a vacation. STAT. 10-4 over and out.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Flowers? For Me?

That's right Kids, DB sent me flowers at work today. I REALLY love this boy!!! The card read:
"Dear Baby,
Happy one month anniversary. See you tonight!


How sweet is he????
10-4 over and out.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

What Goes Up..... Stays Up.

G'evening Kids & Porn Stars.... I am VERY excited and SO tired tonight. There are so many things I could/should be doing right now (i.e. preparing for my FIRST Fantasia home party that goes down tomorrow night!) However, I am so tired that all I can do is blog, LOL, as I wait for my man to come by. So, I must recap my wonderful weekend with DB before a new weekend starts....
Friday - Headed over to WP's with DB for SVU's b-day. The cop in him came out when we got to the area we'd be hanging out in (I felt so safe, LOL). We arrived a little late (due to his time constraints, LOL), but he got to meet Blade, Lore, and SVU which was nice. I was told later on that I was "not myself" at the party - I was "very subdued." We stayed for about 1 1/2 hours and then left. DB was not feeling well and we had another party we needed to stop by. We headed to Tappan and I finally got to really meet "R" his best friend. We stayed for a drink (or two) and then headed back to my place where we proceed to watch some Howard T.V. and talk :)

Saturday - Woke up early - I just can't seem to sleep much lately. I honestly don't remember what I did all day. I think I shopped with Mama Dukes and just waited around for the boy to call me. He came by around 10 and we were off to see Jackass Part 2 (Hilarious). When he arrived, he was a bottle of wine or so deep. It was cute to see him drink, but he really shouldn't have driven. We stopped for fuel and ran into his buddy "R" again. After the movie we headed back to my place and watch t.v. and relaxed (and had a few beers).

Sunday - I spent the day relaxing and the boy had to go back to work, so I didn't see him. :(

So, here we are, another Friday here and tonight is my big Sex Toy Party. A few people have dropped out. I dropped quite a few dollars on food and drink and I feel like I am not 100% prepared, but I am excited. I am hoping for some big sales and a fun time for all. Then I am heading over to the 'Burg to see my man plan in his second band. He came over last night (again - he was over Wed. night for a little while before work too) and it was two great nights in a row. I <3 my boy. Tomorrow is Lori's housewarming party, so I need to purchase a gift ASAP.

Anywho, before I get caught online, I must get going. 10-4 over and out.