Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Time to Address Some Things....

G'afternoon Kids & Porn Stars... It's time for me to address some things.

I received an e-mail last Friday that still has me (somewhat) seething. I don't like when people *think* they know it all and try to psychoanalyze me.

First off, my relationship with DB is NOTHING like my relationship with "B." As a matter of fact, it is quite the 180. Does he have some faults? Yes, he sure does. But so do we all.

Secondly, my boss is a drama queen. He freaks out when I take a 1/2 day, let alone take a personal call. He makes comments all the time and what bothers me is that he is insisting on blaming my time off lately on DB. So when I get comments from him that I am "not mentally here," it pisses me off because I am here so much it's sickening. (Down the fact that he is NOT approving my vacation request for my trip to AZ - more on that to come.) What it boils down to is that my boss is a lazy fuck who makes 6 figures because dumb asses like me work our fingers to the bone to keep him on the high horse he rode in on. So my job is not suffering from DB. Do we have spats while I am here? Yes. Did I have to leave early once? Yes. However, I am much stronger now then what I was around Christmas time. I am not his toy or play thing. If that were the case, he wouldn't be going through the tough time he is going through right now to be with me and get his life together.

Thirdly, I did not scratch my car because my "head isn't screwed on straight" and because I am "too preoccupied with DB." I scratched the car because I moving out of the way of a tractor trailer and took a turn too tightly (and maybe slightly because I am a bad driver and not used to such a big car just yet). And yes, I guarantee that 90% of people would have left the scene if they knew they could get away with it. However, that is not why I did it. I left because I was in shock that it happened at all and my immediate reaction was to flee. As I was fleeing I called The Bunny who tried to calm me down and told me she would have done the same thing. I called Mama Dukes who also said, "I would've done the same thing." DB wasn't even in my thoughts. Until I realized I broke the law and he's a cop.

Fourth and final, I have thought about what happens if I get rid of The Bunny for the sake of keeping DB and then, in turn, things don't work out with DB. I have racked my brain with outcomes - been sick to my stomach with guilt - and have talked this situation out with 2 very close people to me until I couldn't talk about it any more. It's not as if DB said, "You have to do this," and I did it. And it's not even as though she is completely out of my life. People need to start getting all their facts before throwing stones. What people also need to realize is that DB has his reasons for not liking The Bunny. Do I agree with him for making me choose? No. Do I think he has some valid points? Yes. Yes, I did work hard to repair my relationship with her, but I am also working hard with him to keep our relationship working. So I am literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. Casting judgment on me "as a friend" doesn't make it right and it's not OK.

DB may seem like a "bad guy," but we are in a tough situation and it makes our relationship strained from the start. If we didn't love each other as much as we do, we would just walk away. But that's the easiest way out - walking away. So, as much as I sometimes need an ear and a shoulder to cry on - and I come on here and vent, I'm sorry but keep your opinions to yourself and stop trying to psychoanalyze me. 10-4 over and out.

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